Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child

The reality is that we are safe and we have the capacity to enjoy the wonders of life in the present moment. When we recognize that our suffering is based on images instead of current reality, then living happily in the present moment becomes possible right away.

Sometimes our parents are full of love and sometimes they are full of anger. This love and anger comes not only from them, but from all previous generations. When we can see this, we no longer blame our parents for our suffering.

There is no distinction between means and ends. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. There is no way to enlightenment, enlightenment is the way.

Even if we have time, we don't come home to ourselves. We try to keep ourselves constantly entertained - watching television, socialising, or using alcohol or drugs - because we don't want to experience that suffering all over again.

Without suffering there cannot be happiness. Without mud there cannot be any lotus flowers.

If you can see your mother as a fragile five-year-old girl, then you can forgive her very easily with compassion. The five-year-old girl who was your mother is always alive in her and in you.

If we want to reconcile with our family or with friends who have hurt us, we have to take care of ourselves first. If we’re not capable of listening to ourselves, how can we listen to another person? If we don’t know how to recognise our own suffering, it won’t be possible to bring peace and harmony into our relationships.

Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your perceptions need you, your feeling needs you. The wounded child in you needs you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it.

You have to practice going back to your wounded child every day. You have to embrace him or her tenderly, like a big brother or a big sister.

One day my left hand was holding a nail and my right hand a hammer. I was trying to hang a picture and I was not very mindful. Instead of pounding on the nail I pounded on the finger. Right away my right hand put the hammer down and took care of my left hand as if she were taking care of herself.

When you climb a beautiful mountain, invite your child within to climb with you. When you contemplate the sunset, invite her to enjoy it with you.

When we pay attention to our breathing, our in-breath and out-breath become peaceful and relaxed. When we walk with attention and we just walk without thinking or being carried away by anything, we already begin to heal.

Fear is based on ignorance. Lack of understanding is also a primary cause of anger.

Suppose we give something to someone. With the wisdom of nondiscrimination, we see that there is no giver and no receiver. If we still think that we’re the giver and the other person is the receiver, then that’s not perfect giving. We give because the other person is in need of what we’re giving and the act is very natural. If we’re really practicing generosity, we won’t say, “He’s not grateful at all.” We won’t have these kinds of ideas.

Many people still believe that we can only be happy when we have a lot of money and power. Looking around, we see many people who have plenty of money and power, but who still suffer very deeply from stress and loneliness. So power and money are not the answer. We have to educate ourselves in the art of living mindfully.

If we can heal our wounded child, we will not only liberate ourselves, but we will also help liberate whoever has hurt or abused us. The abuser may also have been the victimg of abuse.

If you know how to go back to her and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place.

When our mind is carried away by strong pain, it helps to go back to our relaxed and peaceful in-breath and out-breath. Eventually, when our painful feeling comes back, we accept it as it is instead of letting it carry us away and make us more agitated. We don’t fight the painful feeling because we know it is part of us, and we don’t want to fight ourselves. Pain, irritation, and jealousy are all part of us. As they arise, we can calm them by going back to our in-breath and out-breath. Our peaceful breathing will calm those strong emotions. When an emotion becomes calmer, we can see the roots of our suffering and see that those who cause us pain are also suffering. Usually when we suffer we think we’re the only person who suffers, and that the other person is very happy. But in fact, it’s likely that the person who hurts us also has a lot of pain and doesn’t know how to handle his strong emotions. Breathing with awareness, we generate our energy of mindfulness, and we can have insight into

In each of us, there is a young, suffering child. We have all had times of difficulty as children and many of us have experienced trauma. To protect and defend ourselves against future suffering, we often try to forget those painful times.

There are four elements that make up true love, the four immeasurable minds. They are maitri (loving kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (joy), and upeksha (equanimity, nondiscrimination).

If we accept life and everything that belongs to life—the moments of happiness, joy, and peace, but also sickness, old age, and death—then we don’t suffer anymore. So suffering is okay. Not only is suffering okay, but thanks to suffering we have an opportunity to experience well-being.

4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. I cannot keep anything. I come here empty-handed, and I go empty-handed.

Ending our consumption of violent images and toxic communication gives us the chance to transform the violence and suffering in us.

If one person keeps calm and smiles at a provocation, the whole world will have a better chance for peace.

God the Father is in God the Son; and the Holy Spirit is in the Son and in the Father. That is interbeing.

When we compare, we see ourselves as superior, inferior, or as trying to be equal. But with this kind of comparing comes discrimination, and with discrimination comes suffering.

With mindful walking, our steps are no longer a means to arrive at an end.

if you know how to suffer, suffering is okay. And the moment you have that attitude, you don’t suffer much anymore. And out of suffering, a lotus flower of happiness can open.

What we have is enough for us. Once we adopt that style of living, we become a happy person right away.

Sometimes we say, “I didn’t want to do it, but it’s stronger than me, it pushed me. So that is a seed, a habit energy, that may have come from many generations in the past.We can smile at our shortcomings, at our habit energy. With awareness, we have a choice; we can act another way. We can end the cycle of suffering right now.