The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

Carnegie was right when he wrote, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

(...) I also believe that most crabby people can change by making a conscious choice to react to the world in a different way. The key is to scan your environment regularly for things and people to appreciate rather than to criticize. In so doing, you create a new climate of praise and gratitude in your life. Instead of getting bogged down in people’s faults and mistakes, you get swept up in a fruitful search for reasons to say “thank you.

It’s a problem particularly common among people in professional roles that reward them for their objectivity, intellectual prowess, and emotional distance. While such qualities may be highly valued in boardrooms and surgical suites, they can be obstacles to emotional intimacy

Kids look to their mothers and fathers for emotional cues. They need their parents to validate their feelings and guide them. When parents fail to do this, kids begin to doubt themselves.

Temper tantrums, crying fits, belligerence, and sassiness may be bids for connection in such situations. What these children are looking for is an emotional bond with people who can help them to feel more secure amid the stress and confusion

Bids can also be hard to decipher when the bidder doesn’t acknowledge his or her own needs for connection. When that happens, bids can get disguised as something else—usually anger or sadness.

Focus on being interested, not interesting.

One way to enhance your mindfulness in relationships is to become a “collector of emotional moments.

Connecting is not magic. Like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced, and mastered.

three emotional needs common to all people. Everybody wants (1) to be included, (2) to have a sense of control over their lives, or (3) to be liked.