How to ADHD: An Insider's Guide to Working with Your Brain

Time horizons—the point at which events are close enough to begin to feel real—tend to be much shorter for those with ADHD. For many of us, projects, tasks, and events exist either “now” or “not now”—and anything “not now” can feel as if it doesn’t exist at all.

You can’t pick your friends. You can only pick who to do stuff with that you find meaningful. And then see what kind of relationship evolves over time.

Not only have I had friends give up on me for being unreliable, I’ve also had relationships go south because I can’t keep track of how I’m being treated. Is this friend saying something unkind for the first time or the fiftieth? What was that last fight about, anyway? Forgetful people—particularly those of us with low self-esteem (see above)—can be easy to manipulate.

Be yourself!…No, not like that! —SOCIETY

But if something is important to you, you can keep going—even if you fail. Failing doesn’t make you a failure. It isn’t the opposite of succeeding, as I’d feared. It’s something that happens—and will happen—all along the way.

When I was told to focus, what I actually heard was that I should stop hunting for my focus and pretend I’d found it. Like the riders in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I would perform all the gestures one does when riding a Focus Beast, without actually having one to ride.

We Can’t Remember What We Don’t Understand The process of encoding information into long-term storage requires our brains to compare new information with what we already know and then figure out where to file it. For this to happen, we need to rely on our working memory to hold all of this information long enough for it to happen. If the new information is easy for us to understand and related to a familiar subject, the encoding process can be quick and easy. If, on the other hand, we have no clue what someone is talking about—possibly because we missed or didn’t encode the foundational knowledge well enough—we may not have enough time for this process to take place. Before our brains are able to encode it, new information comes in and bumps it out of our working memory.

The fact that I could sometimes exceed expectations made it even more frustrating for me—and everyone around me—when I failed to meet the basic ones.

We are here to learn. We make space for differences. And we allow all voices a chance to be heard.

The ability to remember depends on three processes: encoding information, storing it, and, finally, retrieving it.

Case in point: episodic memory, a type of long-term memory that allows us to recall the details about a specific experience—what happened, what was said, how we felt, and so on. A 2008 study found that when discussing a special event in their life, children with ADHD provided lengthier and more descriptive narratives than those without ADHD.

You can’t always choose what you need to do, but you have some control over how you do it.

Perfectionism: Perfectionism, and the anxiety that goes hand in hand with it, can keep you from getting started or keep you stuck in mental loops.

Whatever it is we want to be motivated enough to do, it helps to know our behavior—the actions we take—can increase (or decrease) that motivation. Behavior precedes motivation.

we don’t need motivation to take action. In fact, it often happens in reverse: action can generate motivation.

Learning how to identify what’s causing your mental resistance makes it easier to find or create a tailored solution that addresses those specific feelings.

We experience far more failure, criticism, and rejection than our neurotypical peers. Some of the most common emotions that come up for those with ADHD include overwhelm, discouragement, hopelessness, fear, and confusion.

In fact, there’s even a term for our tendency to escape and avoid the distress that a delay causes us: delay aversion.

ADHD brains aren’t motivated by what’s important. In fact, many of our most important tasks are ones that ADHD brains find viscerally painful to do: the ones that are lengthy, repetitive, or boring.

There’s a limit to how much we can optimize every minute, every hour, every day, and still be okay.

In that fog, I realized time management isn’t some magical solution that lets us do all of the things.

He explained that schedules weren’t supposed to be rigid. A schedule should work for you; you shouldn’t be working for the Schedule.

Sequence instead of schedule. Doing things in a particular order is far easier on our brains than doing them at a particular time. This is why checklists are popular in our community.

Having extra time doesn’t make us any better at managing it. And oftentimes, it can take away the sense of urgency we need to get started and stay focused.

Having more time to do something might mean that we make less progress than we otherwise would have because now we have time!

My calendar has blocks of time scheduled to work on specific tasks as well as scheduled time to take breaks, to eat lunch, and to take a walk.

Create some “time buckets.” “Time buckets” are areas of your day, week, or month dedicated to certain types of activities, such as hobbies, admin stuff, or deep work. Time buckets can help us reserve space and time for the things we care about, while giving us the flexibility within that time to do what we feel like doing.

Use “time pillars” to prop up your day. Time can quickly become meaningless if you don’t have anything to do or anywhere to be at a certain time. Time pillars are regular time-based events and rituals that add structure to your day and make it easier to use your time effectively.[*

Get specific. If you decide to do something later, decide when later is and add it to your calendar.