“You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable? (Lula)”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS.
"I'm taking the Motherfuckers door," I said to Ranger.
"No way. That's my door."
"Well, I'm sure as hell not taking the Pussy door.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“You don't have a drop of paint on you," I said. "Why is that?"
Ranger smiled, liking that he hadn't gotten hit. "I guess they were hunting pussy."
"But I walked into the Motherfuckers room."
"Yeah, but babe, your clearly pussy.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness.
“I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look,” Morelli said.
“It’s floor,” I told him.
“I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“Do you have someone watching her house?” (Stephanie)
“That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We’re so underbudgeted we’re one step away from
holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli)”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“There are four ways to manage stress. There's drugs, there's alcohol, there's sex, and there's doughnuts. I go with sex and doughnuts. I tried the other two and it wasn't any good. You being in a dry spell, you might have to rely on doughnuts.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up."
What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right.
"I got some scruples," Lula said, "but I know when to stop. There's a point where you have to say enough is enough and screw scruples.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“Connie drove a silver Camry with rosary beads hanging from her rearview mirror and a Smith& Wesson stuck under the seat. No matter whatwent down, Connie was covered.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“He's hot, Lula said, but he's a pig. All men are pigs.
Do you really believe that?
No but it's a point of view to keep in mind . You don't want to go around thinkin' shit is your fault. Next thing you know, they got you makin' pot roast ad you're cutting up your mastercard.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“Sounds to me like you're talkin' about the wrong things. Why don't you talk about other things? Like you could make a list of things you won't fight over and then you only talk about those things.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“I don't want a new man."
"I'll be dead someday," my mother said. "And then what? You'll wish you had someone."
"I have a hamster.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“One minute I was having a day like any other , and then Whack an this guy didn’t have no head“ Lula Finger Lickin 15”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“Ranger was the second biggest complication in my life, and now that Morelli was out of the picture, I supposed Ranger was elevated to numero uno. He’s close to six foot, one way or the other, is Latino, with medium brown skin and dark brown hair cut short. His teeth are white and even, and he has a killer smile that is seen only on special occasions. He dresses in black, and today he was wearing a black T-shirt and black cargo pants.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“Every man in my organization knows you and understands that you’re my personal property,”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
“I can’t help it. I’m just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbecue gas.” She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. “Excuse me,” she said.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Finger Lickin' Fifteen
Janet Evanovich
Born place: in South River, New Jersey, The United States
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“He must remain objective. He can’t afford to become emotionally invested in his cases. He would never survive.”
― Shari Lapena, quote from The Couple Next Door
“It is in this sense that Nietzsche is driven, against many explicit resolutions to the contrary, to be a No-sayer. For what the décadents who surround him are doing is to say No where they should be saying Yes, where they should be Dionysian; and what is leading them to this life-denying perversity, mostly of course unconsciously, is that they subscribe to a set of values that puts the central features of *this* world at a discount. Where they find suffering, they immediately look for someone to blame, and end up hating themselves, or generalize that into a hatred of "human nature". They look for "peace of mind", using it as a blanket term and failing to see the diversity of states, some of them desirable and some of them the reverse, which that term covers. They confuse cause and effect, thinking that the connection between virtue and happiness is that the former leads to the latter, whereas in fact the reverse is the case. They have, in Nietzsche's cruelly accurate phrase, "the vulgar ambition to possess generous feelings" ("Expeditions of an Untimely Man, number 6). They confuse breeding fine men with taming them. Throughout the major part of Twilight this devastating list of our vulgarities continues.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, quote from Twilight of the Idols/The Anti-Christ
“Francis Marion Tarwater’s uncle had been dead for only half a day when the boy got too drunk to finish digging his grave and a Negro named Buford Munson, who had come to get a jug filled, had to finish it and drag the body from the breakfast table where it was still sitting and bury it in a decent and Christian way, with the sign of its Savior at the head of the grave and enough dirt on top to keep the dogs from digging it up. Buford had come along about noon and when he left at sundown, the boy, Tarwater, had never returned from the still.”
― Flannery O'Connor, quote from The Violent Bear It Away
“The last time I saw him, he was hustling his wife away from the table, and she was shedding clothes as she went. Ah, gods." He rubbed his face. "I pray they made it to their rooms before...”
― C.L. Wilson, quote from Lady of Light and Shadows
“Unfortunately, the heart played its own tune, and it was deaf to what the head tried to tell it.’ – Abigail”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, quote from Retribution
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