“I’m healthy. I eat fruit.”
“In pie doesn’t count.”
“The truth is, I’m all about you, Lena. You’re my best friend. You’re my girl.”
“Then Mal let out a loud wailing noise. “I hate it when mommy and daddy fight!”
“That smile could move mountains. It could also break hearts.”
“Don't make me kill you at this hour in the morning Jimmy. It's not civilized.”
“I need you to come back with me, please.” His breath warmed my ear. The heat of his body beckoned against my back. “I can’t stand not having you there, not knowing what you’re thinking, what you’re doing, not being able to tell you things and share them with you. It’s just … nothing’s the same. I hate waking up without you and I worry constantly that you’re okay, that you’ve got everything you need. Look, the truth is, I’m all about you, Lena. You’re my best friend. You’re my girl.”
“Even with the head start, he was gaining fast. Given he liked jogging and I liked pie, this was to be expected.”
“Sometimes, when you’re not being a jerk, I like you so much it hurts. I like the way your true self comes out when you think no one else is looking.”
“I think I’m going to start charging you extra for lies. Someone needs to pay for the stain on my soul.”
“Don’t hate me, Lena,” he whispered. “You want to be mad at me when I do dumb things, that’s fine. But don’t ever hate me. I couldn’t take that, not from you.”
“I like to embarrass myself horribly now and then," I said. "It keeps life interesting.”
“Who ever said the heart was smart or that it followed directions?”
“People fucking love their own opinions and are all too happy to throw ’em at you, whether you ask or not. You have to be happy with yourself.”
“So, Lena, darling, tell me, for curiosity’s sake. When do you put out?”
…
“Jimmy, my love," I said, my voice soft and sweet, "I don’t fuck a guy until he has the balls to actually man up and talk to me about his feelings.”
“I stared at his cock, mesmerized. Even encased in rubber it remained a thing of true beauty. Had I any talent with a pen, I’d have written it poems. A haiku perhaps … I was hypnotized, helpless. Cock-struck.”
“Sometimes things that make the least sense are the most true. Such is the mystery of life.”
“You’re not for me.”
“No?”
“Sadly not.” He shook his head.
“Damn.”
“Yeah, I know. You’re really missing out.” He sighed.”
“What people do at tables.” Strong hands held my legs apart. “Eating.”
“Whatever else he might be, Jimmy Ferris was special and complicated, beautiful and beastly, all rolled into one.”
“your dark parts don’t scare me, Jimmy. They never did.”
“Wait, was that Mal Ericson from Stage Dive?
Fuck a duck, it was.”
“Feeling a little emotional, huh? I petted his hair. That's okay. It was an emotional blow job.”
“I'm pretty damn sure Dante meant to make weddings one of the levels of hell and just forgot.”
“If she means something to you, you gotta do the woo, son. You can’t just be trying to stick it in.”
“Two-thirty in the morning was kind of a bitch as times went. It fell into the in-between, nowhere land. Too late to get a really good night's sleep, but much too early to start the day.”
“Fuck he was beautiful, inside and out, and he would never be mine. That information sat sure and safe inside of me, turning me to stone because it was utterly undeniable. But I was still expected to stay here, be with him, and support him, the job I both did and didn’t want with all of my heart.”
“I was only twenty-five, much to young to die. Probably about the right age to become a complete hypochondriac, however.”
“life was too short to take shit. Let people walk all over you and you got what you deserved.”
“Stupid Jimmy Ferris and his amazing mouth and penis. Who needed him? Not me, I could look after myself.”
“Interesting. I’m going to tell you what I told Killer at puppy training today when he tried to mount a teacup poodle he’d only just met. If she means something to you, you gotta do the woo, son. You can’t just be trying to stick it in.”
“A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking, Hmán, as if pleasure were one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing.”
“I know what it's like to start something and have it suddenly grow out of control. And you want to get rid of it, because it's hurting you and everyone else around you, but every time you try to do that, it consumes you again.”
“It wasn’t a question. So, I didn’t reply. Instead, I flashed her a smile that I knew affected any
female’s panties and took a step toward her. “I got a lot of names, baby,” I finally responded.
Her eyebrows arched, straightened her stance and shot me the coldest glare I’d ever
witnessed. What was this chick’s deal? “I’m sure you do. Let me guess STD, Loser, Jackass, and Drunk just to name a few,” she clipped, stepping out of the door and slamming it behind her.”
“Intelligence is a gift, not a right. It must be wielded not as a weapon but as a tool for the betterment of others.”
“I've learned to stare at things. The walls. My hands. The cracks in the walls. The lines on my fingers. The shades of gray in the concrete. The shape of my fingernails. I pick one thing and stare at it for what must be hours. I keep time in my head by counting the seconds as they pass. I keep days in my head by writing them down. Today is day two. Today is the second day. Today is a day.
Today.
It's so cold. It's so cold. It's so cold.
Please please please
I started screaming today.”
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