The Score

Seriously, just find yourself a rebound.” Dean whips up his arm. “I volunteer as tribute.

You know, I don’t think we’re dealing with a Bella’s-magical-blood situation here.” “No?” “No. I think you’ve imprinted on this girl’s pussy.” … “What do you mean?” “I mean you’re facing a Jacob quandary. You imprinted on her pussy, and now it’s the only pussy you can think about. You exist solely for this pussy. Like Jacob and that weird mutant baby.

Garrett: Allie's gonna crash in my room. Garrett: Your dick can stay in your room.

I’m adorable, first off. My sense of humor is stellar—obvs.” “Obvs,” she echoes dryly. “I’m extraordinarily skilled in the art of conversation.” She nods. “When it’s about yourself, of course.” “Of course.” I pretend to think it over some more. “Oh, and I’m a mind reader. No lie. I always know what the other person is thinking.” “Yeah? What am I thinking right now?” Allie challenges. “That you want me to shut up and fuck you again.” She shakes her head in dismay. “Goddamn it. That’s actually what I was thinking.” I smirk at her and tap my forehead. “Told ya. Mind reader.

Okay, so here’s our plan for tonight. First we’ll bone down to take the edge off. Then we’ll order a pizza and replenish our energy, and after that, round two. Sound good?” … “Have you considered seeing a psychiatrist about your delusions?” I ask politely. “Because, sweetie, there's no chance in hell of us boning tonight.” “Fine. How about we go down on each other instead?” “How about you leave?” “Counter offer - I stay and we dry hump.

I do what I want, when I want. And I don’t give a shit what people think about me.

Wait—do angels even get laid? And if so, are heaven orgasms a million times better than earth orgasms? I bet yes.” “Uh-doy. Where do you think rainbows come from? Whenever you see a rainbow, that means an angel just came.

All my senses are filled with her—her sounds, her smell, her touch. Her.

Life hack: if you don’t want someone asking you questions, say the word tampon, and the conversation ends.

See, if you take away my dick privileges, I’ll be fine for months. Years, even. But if I take away your pussy privileges? You’ll be utterly lost. Like a drowning man at sea, desperately grabbing for the vagina preserver.” She beams. “Therefore, vagina trumps penis.

He looks at the bathtub, where I’m lounging like Cleo-fucking-patra.

surprised his head doesn’t spin and his eyeballs don’t bug out. “Um.” His gaze bounces around the bathroom like a rubber ball. He looks at the towel rack, where his cargo pants are hanging. He looks at the bathtub, where I’m lounging like Cleo-fucking-patra. He looks at the bubbles surrounding my body like a fluffy white cloud. And then he looks at Winston. “Dude,” I blurt out. “It’s not what it looks like.” “Nope, nope, nope, I don’t want to know!

I glare at my sister with enough force to make her wince. “Not one word out of you,” I snap. “And don’t think I didn’t feel you kick me right before I passed out. Who does that, Summer? Who kicks a man when he’s down?” From the corner of my eye, I see Tucker sink to the floor. He buries his face in his hands, shaking with laughter.

I think it takes a certain level of trust to sit next to someone and not feel the pressing urge to babble away.

You know Twilight?” He blinks. “Excuse me?” “Twilight. The vampire book.” His wary eyes study my face. “What about it?” “Okay, so you know how Bella’s blood is extra special? Like how it gives Edward a raging boner every time he’s around her?

Whatcha making?” I call out to Tucker. “Soup,” he calls back. “And baking some bread.” I sigh. “Sometimes I worry about him,” I tell Allie. “The more domestic he gets, the bigger the risk of his penis falling off.” She tsks in disapproval. “Sexist bastard.” “I think you mean sexy bastard,” I say helpfully. “No, I got it right the first time.

I’m not ready to be with anyone else yet.” “Sure you are. Seriously, just find yourself a rebound.” Dean whips up his arm. “I volunteer as tribute.

You're lucky I love you, babe. If any other girl had done this to me --" "You love me? You just said it." "I ... Well, damn. I guess I did." "Did you mean it? I want to hear it again." "Aw shit, babe. Don't make me say it again. It's bad enough I said it first.

Sowing oats is fun,” he agrees solemnly. “One time I sowed this really hot oat who poured maple syrup all over my dick and then licked it off.

Hey, Heaven? Dean Di Laurentis here. Thanks for letting me visit.

I told you, my dad made sure I knew self-defense.” “Well, kudos to your dad for making sure you could protect yourself. Followed by a fuck you to your dad for turning you into a deadly weapon.

Relationships are a fucking pain in the ass sometimes.

Are you seriously dissecting Twilight right now?

I know women. And when they clam up like this? They’re not just working one thought over in their brains. Nope, they’re constructing a complicated web of scenarios and what ifs, each thread layering over another, thickening and twisting until suddenly they’re mad about something that never even occurred to you.

I’m a card-carrying member of Team Boyfriend, and after last night, I can honestly say that Team One-Night-Stand sucks balls.

I mean you’re facing a Jacob quandary. You imprinted on her pussy, and now it’s the only pussy you can think about. You exist solely for this pussy. Like Jacob and that weird mutant baby.

Dean Di Laurentis is in my blood now. I didn’t expect the intense sexual chemistry between us, but it’s here, and it’s addictive, and I don’t know how I can ever give it up.

There are five unread messages on the screen, which is what happens when you’re the meat in a hot girl sandwich. Threesomes trump checking your phone. That’s a no-brainer. Logan: Hey, bro, Wellsy’s friend Allie is crashing at our place this weekend. Logan: Keep your dick in your pants. G and I aren’t in the mood to beat u senseless if u try something. Wellsy might be in the mood for violence, tho. So: dick = pants = don’t bother our guest. Hannah: Allie’s staying with u guys til Sunday. She’s in a vulnerable place right now. Don’t take advantage of her or else I’ll be unhappy. And u don’t want to make me unhappy, do u? I snicker. Hannah, diplomatic as always. I quickly scan the last two messages. Garrett: Allie’s gonna crash in my room. Garrett: Your dick can stay in your room. Jeez, what is everybody’s fascination with my dick?

Not only did I seduce him, but I tied him up and rode him like he was my own personal amusement park ride.

She’s probably ovaries-deep in a carton of Ben and Jerry’s right now while Mumford & Sons plays in the background.