Quotes from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Instead of agonizing about the things you can't change, why don't you try working on the things you can change”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey?
Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“What do you call a planet where bad guys stroll through life with success draped around their shoulders like a King’s cloak, while random horrors are visited upon the innocent heads of children? I call it Earth.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Steven, I look like a raccoon.
You do NOT look like a raccoon.
Actually, he looked like some deranged anteater, but I didn’t figure that would be the thing to tell him.
Yes, I do. Oh, no. What if I stay this way forever?
You’re not going to stay that way forever, Jeffy. People get black eyes all the time. If they never got better, the streets would be crowded with raccoon people. Soon the raccoon people would find each other and breed.
I was on a roll here.
The preschools would fill up with strange ring-eyed children. Soon the raccoons would be taking over our streets, stealing from our garbage cans, leaving eerie tails of Dinty Moore beef stew cams in their wakes. Gangs of them would haunt the malls, buying up all the black-and-gray-striped sportswear. THE RIVERS WOULD RISE! THE VALLEYS WOULD RUN WITH…
Steven you’re joking, right?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Who’s that?
That’s the King.
Who’s he?
The Duke.
Who’s she?
The Princess.
What do they call you?
The Count.
What does that make me?
Umm…how about the Peasant?
And the name stuck.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“This was the kid who used to toddle over to my bed at 6 o’ clock in the morning every weekend morning to pull on my blankets so I’d get up and watch cartoons with him. This was the kid who once made me play Hungry Hungry Hippos for an hour straight, until I thought my hands were going to fall off from slamming down those dumb little levers to make the hippos’ heads move. This was the kid who had spent an entire days at a time begging me to play Chutes and Ladders with him. And now he was feeling too sick to play with me.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“A typical weeknight when he was home like this:

1. Sit down and try to do homework.
2. Get interrupted by Jeffrey: “Please play with me!”
3. Ignore brother, try to do homework.
4. Get interrupted by Jeffrey: “Come ON, Steven! I’m BORED!”
5. Beg Jeffrey for five minutes of peace.
6. Get begged for five minutes of play: “Steven, you never, ever play with me—ever!”
7. Move entire homework operations center to different room.
8. Repeat steps #1-7 as directed by small drugged maniac.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly.
Mom!
What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Steven, I know I phrased that as a question, but it was really a command.
Yes, but mine is…ummm…private.
Private, Steven?
Yes, Miss Palma.
PRIVATE Steven?
Again with the capital letters?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get any complaint calls, OK?
Steven, I don’t throw food at…oh, that was a joke, right?
Yup, buddy boy. It was a joke. But seriously, no kissing the nurses on the lips, either. It messes up their makeup.
Eeeeeeewwwww!”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“You are a wonderful son, and a wonderful man.
Yet another parent busting forth with the “man” thing! I’d have to check my chest for signs of hair when I got home.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Well your mom was right, in a way.
What do you mean?
He DID fall, right? So he wasn’t safe on the stool.
Thanks, Annette. Thanks a lot. That’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. You’re a very inspiring person, you know that?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“You can be our critic. Would you dig that? (Yes, he was the last Man in America who could say “dig” with a straight face without referring to the process of using a tool to remove dirt from the ground.)”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Finally the kitchen clock said 5:17. It was time to roll out. I shouted for my mom, woke Jeffrey up, ran upstairs, changed into my concert clothes, put on my shoes, and was standing by the door to the garage by 5:19—chanting “Let’s go! Come on!” (Feel free to try that at home, by the way; moms love it!)”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Annette had kissed me.
Who would’a thunk it?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“I’ll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until the New Year’s dance two months from now.
Jeffrey thought about this for a moment and said, Won’t they notice the box is too heavy when they go to put it away?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Mr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Instead of agonizing about the things you can't change, why don't you try working on the things you CAN change?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“If you could pick one word in the English language to describe the universe, what would it be? Why?"

Here's my response:

Unfair.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Since when do you wear cologne to learn math? Oh, my son is growing up right in front of my very eyes. Maybe I should get out the video camera.

Maybe you should tie me to a stake, douse me in kerosene, and torch me right on our front lawn.

I won't need any kerosene, Steven - I'm sure the cologne will go up pretty fast!

Ha-ha, Mom.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, quote from Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

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“Well caught, Cloudpaw,” he meowed. “I didn’t see you coming until it was too late.” “Nor did this stupid bird,” crowed Cloudpaw, flicking his tail smugly.”
― Erin Hunter, quote from Forest of Secrets

“Celeste was practically talking to herself now because Stamford and the baby were in a world of their own. The baby's hands had reached the man's face and he was tapping every feature of it, doing everything that was necessary for the man to say the words the baby had come to expect in their brief history together. Stamford's mouth opened more and more. 'You here early this mornin,' Stamford Crow Blueberry would say to Ellwood Freemen that day some twenty years later in Richmond. Ellwood would be walking up the street with the reins of his horse in his hand, and Stamford would be walking with a baby resting on his shoulder, the newest member of the Richmond Home for Colored Orphans. Mother and father killed in a fire. Walking and singing to the baby in the morning seemed to calm the infant for the rest of the day. Ellwood Freemen would say, 'I have come to fulfill my duty, just as I promised, Mr. Blueberry. Is that to be one of my pupils?' Stamford would shake his hand, nodding. Ellwood said, 'You look as if you didn't believe I would keep my word.' 'Oh,' Stamford said, 'I whatn't worried. I know where your mama and papa live. I know where I could find them to tell em that their boy didn't keep his word.' Ellwood told him he had to tend to some business elsewhere in Richmond and would return shortly to settle in at the home for orphans. He got on his horse and rode slowly out to the main street, the street that would be named for Stamford Blueberry and his wife Delphie. Blueberry, with the new orphan on his shoulder, followed. He watched Ellwood take his time going off and Stamford that day would realize for the first time just how far they had come. He would have cried as he had that day after the ground opened up and took the dead crows, but he had in his arms a baby new to being an orphan. Stamford, it don't matter now, he told himself, watching Ellwood and the horse saunter away. It don't matter now. The day and the sun all about him told that was true. It mattered not how long he had wandered in the wilderness, how long they had kept him in chains, how long he had helped them and kept himself in his own chains; none of that mattered now. He patted the baby's back, turned around and went back to the Richmond Home for Colored Orphans. No, it did not matter. It mattered only that those kind of chains were gone and that he had crawled out into the clearing and was able to stand up on his hind legs and look around and appreciate the differences between then and now, even on the awful Richmond days when the now came dressed as the then. Behind him, as he walked back, was the very corner where more than a hundred years later they would put that first street sign - Stamford and Delphie Crow Blueberry Street.”
― Edward P. Jones, quote from The Known World

“I'm good with words, but not the spoken kind; I've often thought what a marvelous thing it would be if I could only conduct relationships on paper.”
― Kate Morton, quote from The Distant Hours

“She had none the less extracted from her a vow in respect to the time that if the Colonel might be depended on they would spend at Fawns; and nothing came home to her more in this connexion or inspired her with a more intimate interest than her sense of absolutely seeing her interlocutress forbear to observe that Charlotte’s view of a long visit even from such allies was there to be reckoned with.”
― Henry James, quote from The Golden Bowl

“You have the right to remain silent, but I doubt you will. You have the right to an attorney, which I imagine Quen will be calling soon. If you can’t afford one, hell has frozen over and I’m the princess of Oz, but in that case, one will be appointed to you. You understand your rights that the entire congregation of Cincy’s finest has heard me recite?”
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BookQuoters is a community of passionate readers who enjoy sharing the most meaningful, memorable and interesting quotes from great books. As the world communicates more and more via texts, memes and sound bytes, short but profound quotes from books have become more relevant and important. For some of us a quote becomes a mantra, a goal or a philosophy by which we live. For all of us, quotes are a great way to remember a book and to carry with us the author’s best ideas.

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