“Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.
I felt dirty and stupid.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“We played for about half an hour before I realized we were actually playing two different games. What I’d thought of as ludo was actually a game called gin rummy, and what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis. Once we started playing by one consistent set of rules, though, the fun was really over.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“I wore an elaborate disguise that made me look like a caterer from a rivaling company.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“What was wrong with people these days? Couldn’t a guy have a few beers to drown a personal problem without getting caught up in a makeshift intervention?”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“Some of my stuff’s so ugly, a little water damage could only help. Might”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“You’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, and now you know, beyond a doubt, that you’re an asshole.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“it sounds like my neighbor is stir-frying hamsters in a large enameled wok.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“what was it they called you? It’s on the tip of my tongue. It was something to do with cats and large amounts of body fat…”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“what tipped me off was the pink nighty I was wearing and the abundance of flowers decorating my room.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“Another terrible night. Neighbor was busy with his hamsters again”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“In all these years, I’ve never seen you smile so often. Are you mentally ill?”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“She’s funny and intelligent, well-mannered and clean, and her smile is exceedingly cute. Also, she has big tits.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“stating the cause of death to be completely natural and, if possible, even somewhat pleasant.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“I think it’s better for customer relations if we all commit to wearing matching socks,”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“I’d urge you to stay away from any and all martial arts practitioners for the time being.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“My dad gave her the finger, went down to town hall, and took the name of the person in line ahead of him. He wasn’t aware he’d overheard a last name.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“I gave her the finger and moved along to the waiting area.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“Then I wondered, briefly, where one might obtain a prosthetic Adam’s apple, and what its primary use would be.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“Reputable companies don’t get their test subjects through ads in gaming magazines,”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“why hadn’t all these women tried to jump me?”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“His gums stopped bleeding and his skin cleared up.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“I must’ve been stone-cold sexy this whole time without even realizing.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“Gravity has a slightly stronger hold on me than it does on other people. I’m sure of it. It pulls on me a little harder during the day, and really tugs away at me first thing in the morning. It’s freaky.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“I wasn’t going to have my pressure points fondled unexpectedly.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“Dug up a die and threw it 72 times. Aimed to get as high a total as possible. Tallied the throws knowing I should end up with a number close to 252 (on average the throws should distribute evenly over all six faces, hitting each face about twelve times). Instead of 252, though, I came up with 166. A much lower number, which made my average throw just over 2, instead of the expected 3.5. I was clearly beating the odds, in a bad way.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
“It felt a bit like French kissing an old lady; all the right moves, but in totally the wrong places.”
― Graham Parke, quote from No Hope for Gomez!
Graham Parke
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“place the crosshairs over his heart. It would be a mercy killing. A man who goes to sleep without satisfying his woman deserves punishment. He sleeps through her self-pleasure? Death is too kind.”
― Jessica Clare, quote from Last Hit
“College costs money- a lot. Yet education in itself is not of much value. For example, we can look to the general public's almost complete disregard for anything that educated people have to say about global warming, shrinking oil reserves, pollution, or the threat of nuclear annihilation. But if all this is true, why does something as worthless as a college diploma cost so much money?”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
“We have a tendency to describe the human condition in lofty terms, such as a quest for freedom or striving for a virtuous life, but the life sciences hold a more mundane view: It’s all about security, social companionships, and a full belly. There is obvious tension between both views, which recalls that famous dinner conversation between a Russian literary critic and the writer Ivan Turgenev: 'We haven’t yet solved the problem of God,' the critic yelled, 'and you want to eat!”
― Frans de Waal, quote from The Age of Empathy: Nature's Lessons for a Kinder Society
“I told you I’d make you caramel sauce one day.” And I told you I’d love you forever if you did, I don’t say back. I’m sure he doesn’t remember.”
― Sarah Lyons Fleming, quote from All the Stars in the Sky
“No matter how deep in disgrace, a human being IS human, after all.”
― quote from Autobiography of a Geisha
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