Quotes from Cracked

Eliza Crewe ·  327 pages

Rating: (5.5K votes)


“Sometimes bad things need to be reminded they're not the only ones who can bite.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Like any fatherless child, I've wondered about the man responsible for the glory that is me. Needless to say, it's disappointing to learn he's the kind who'd probably eat his young.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Naivety is cured with time. Stupidity is terminal.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I'm pretty sure Jo couldn't talk about the weather without somehow including a threat. Forecast today: cloudy with a chance I'll kick your ass.
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“They fight with a bloodthirstiness I wouldn't expect outside a maximum-security prison or suburban PTA meeting.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“Crush! Kill! And above all - cackle!”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Death is my art form--when I fight, I'm a ballerina. Graceful. Chi lacks my grace, but makes up for it in energy and enthusiasm. His fighting style is like breakdancing--strong and frenetic with some really sweet moves. Jo's is . . .the Macarena. Ugly but gets the job done.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Chi's faith means nothing, because it has nothing to do with me. Chi's faith is blind. He doesn't see me. But Jo does.

Jo always has.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I'm pretty durable, but concrete and I have faced off before. While I didn't die, I wouldn't say I won, either.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Samson's tapping feet come closer, but again he pauses and knocks on a door. I don't mind. The pauses make it better. They make me wonder whether he's going to come to me, like the anticipation before a kiss. Will he or won't he?

But this is not a love story.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“A human teenager. One of God’s most misbegotten creatures – big like grown-ups and yet dumb like children.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I study the little creature in front of me. What is it about these dwarfish little humans? They lack smarts, lack skills and they never seem to have much money. Yet they are powerful little monsters – adults dance to the tunes played by their chubby little fingers. Is it the disproportionately big head? Or the eyes too big for that head? Did I have this effect on my own mother? Was that why she believed in my goodness, despite all evidence to the contrary?
Suddenly the lower lip pokes out and the eyes grow even bigger. I feel a tug in the region where my heart should be… I want to give it things…
Ahhhhhh! Look away! Look away! Evil, ensnaring, hypnotic monster.
Just kidding, but it is kind of cute. I feed it a cracker.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Your death, strange human. I mean, your injury. No murder, just a little maiming. So I can leave. Maiming’s not so bad.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“The cold never bothers me when I’m filled with the hot soup of bad souls. Nevertheless I make a show of shivering. Chi strips off his leather vest and I hold it as he peels off his hoodie, pulling his shirt up with it. I get an eyeful of carved six-pack abs and bite back a whistle. Demon-hunting must be good for the physique. The looks of an angel and yet all it makes me want to do is sin.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Jo turns towards me. Her voice is calm but now I see her eyes blaze in a holy hazel fire. She doesn’t want to die, but she will, for what she believes in. I need new friends.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“But worries are for people who can’t pull grown men apart with their bare hands.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Those of us who live with twisted bits like to think we can overcome them.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I eye the three of them, considering. They’ll need a lesson in discretion before I go. Not a lethal lesson. Mom wouldn’t like that.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Turns out I’m only ‘mom-special’. Special like a snowflake is special. Special like a school kid on honor roll.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I hear myself laughing, screeching, cackling. The world is red hot and pulsing. On fire [...] I stroll down the corridor and the flickering fluorescents celebrate my passing, humming in praise. I spin, bow and hum along. Bloody footprints trail; bloody fingers smear the walls.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“My teeth rip skin; my jaws snap bones. I am fast, lightning-fast, snuff— oh-was-that-your-life?—oh-was-that-your-life?— fast.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“As parties go, the food is good but the hosts are complete assholes.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“The pauses make it better. They make me wonder whether he's going to come to me, like the anticipation before a kiss. Will he or won't he?

But this is not a love story.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“He moves and my eyes snap open, freezing him in place. "You're right. I am like you." I breathe, then shake my head very slowly, holding his eyes. "But that doesn't help you any.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Oooooh, don’t make her mad!” the leader gasps around his laughter.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“And as for my mom, whatever happened, whatever her reasons were, they don’t really matter anymore other than as a way to know her better. She loved me, no matter what, in her own way. And everyone has their own way.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“They don’t hate each other, they’ve just hurt each other.” Not what I expect from a thirteen-year-old kid. I raise my eyebrows. “What?” he says defensively, “You can’t hate someone you’d be willing to die for.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I give it a shot. “Relax,” I whisper. “You’re already dead.”

Her eyes fill with tears and I roll mine. Ghosts.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“All right – love of my life, but that’s kind of a mouthful. One day, let’s just shorten it to ‘wife’.”

Even I find that frightening, and it wasn’t directed at me.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“My morality is almost a contortionist.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



About the author

Eliza Crewe
Born place: in The United States
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Popular quotes

“Franklin’s inquisitive mind craved stimulation, consistently gravitating toward whatever community of intellects asked the most intriguing questions; his expansive temperament sought souls that resonated with his own generosity and sense of virtue. In five years in England he had found more of both than in a lifetime in America. “Of all the enviable things England has,” he told Polly Stevenson, “I envy most its people. Why should that petty island, which compared to America is but like a stepping stone in a brook, scarce enough of it above water to keep one’s shoes dry; why, I say, should that little island enjoy in almost every neighbourhood more sensible, virtuous and elegant minds than we can collect in ranging 100 leagues of our vast forests?” He left such people reluctantly and, he trusted, temporarily.”
― H.W. Brands, quote from The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin


“The next forty-five minutes in that office was about as much fun as a day at Disney World—when it’s pouring rain. And all there is to eat are hot-dog buns. And you get electrocuted on the rides.”
― James Patterson, quote from Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life


“توجد في داخل كل إنسان حياة بكل معانيها الوجودية:
في داخل كل منا جزء من رغبة في الكرامة البشرية, والشرف الأخلاقي, والخبرات الوجودية الحرة, وكمال العالم.
لكن لدى كل منا في نفس الوقت وبدرجات متفاوتة القدرة على التأقلم مع الحياة المزيفة, كلنا بطريقة ما يسقط في المادية الفاحشة والمصلحة الشخصية, في كل منا شيء من رغبة في الذوبات في جمع مجهول, ينساب معه بسعادة عبر مجرى حياة زائفة.
فالأمر ليس إذن صراع بين هويتين.
إنه شيء أسوأ من ذلك: إنها أزمة الهوية نفسها.”
― Václav Havel, quote from The Power of the Powerless


“The Buddha isn’t a god or deity to be worshipped. He was a rebel and an overthrower, the destroyer of ignorance, the great physician who discovered the path to freedom from suffering. The Buddha left a legacy of truth for us to experience for ourselves. The practices and principles of his teachings lead to the direct experience of liberation. This is not a faith-based philosophy, but an experiential one. The point of the spiritual revolution is not to become a good Buddhist, but to become a wise and compassionate human being, to awaken from our life of complacency and ignorance and to be a buddha.”
― Noah Levine, quote from Against the Stream: A Buddhist Manual for Spiritual Revolutionaries


“Barack Obama seemed to suggest he was on the side of those who favored radical overhaul, but he has governed as a man who believes in reform at the margins. This is the heart of why his presidency has been so frustrating for so many: He campaigned as an insurrectionist and has governed as an institutionalist. And how could he do anything but? He is, after all, a product of the very institutions that are now in such manifest crisis. The central tragic irony of the presidency of Barack Obama is that his election marked the crowning achievement of the post-1960s meritocracy, just at the moment that the system was imploding on itself. Like all ruling orders, the meritocracy tends to cultivate within its most privileged members an abiding devotion. Many of the figures who feature most prominently in this era’s chronicle of woe, are, like Obama himself, products of the process of elite formation we call the meritocracy, the interlocking institutions that purport to select the brightest, most industrious, and most ambitious members of the society and cultivate them into leaders:”
― Christopher L. Hayes, quote from Twilight of the Elites: America After Meritocracy


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