Quotes from Cracked

Eliza Crewe ·  327 pages

Rating: (5.5K votes)


“Sometimes bad things need to be reminded they're not the only ones who can bite.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Like any fatherless child, I've wondered about the man responsible for the glory that is me. Needless to say, it's disappointing to learn he's the kind who'd probably eat his young.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Naivety is cured with time. Stupidity is terminal.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I'm pretty sure Jo couldn't talk about the weather without somehow including a threat. Forecast today: cloudy with a chance I'll kick your ass.
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“They fight with a bloodthirstiness I wouldn't expect outside a maximum-security prison or suburban PTA meeting.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“Crush! Kill! And above all - cackle!”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Death is my art form--when I fight, I'm a ballerina. Graceful. Chi lacks my grace, but makes up for it in energy and enthusiasm. His fighting style is like breakdancing--strong and frenetic with some really sweet moves. Jo's is . . .the Macarena. Ugly but gets the job done.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Chi's faith means nothing, because it has nothing to do with me. Chi's faith is blind. He doesn't see me. But Jo does.

Jo always has.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I'm pretty durable, but concrete and I have faced off before. While I didn't die, I wouldn't say I won, either.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Samson's tapping feet come closer, but again he pauses and knocks on a door. I don't mind. The pauses make it better. They make me wonder whether he's going to come to me, like the anticipation before a kiss. Will he or won't he?

But this is not a love story.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“A human teenager. One of God’s most misbegotten creatures – big like grown-ups and yet dumb like children.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I study the little creature in front of me. What is it about these dwarfish little humans? They lack smarts, lack skills and they never seem to have much money. Yet they are powerful little monsters – adults dance to the tunes played by their chubby little fingers. Is it the disproportionately big head? Or the eyes too big for that head? Did I have this effect on my own mother? Was that why she believed in my goodness, despite all evidence to the contrary?
Suddenly the lower lip pokes out and the eyes grow even bigger. I feel a tug in the region where my heart should be… I want to give it things…
Ahhhhhh! Look away! Look away! Evil, ensnaring, hypnotic monster.
Just kidding, but it is kind of cute. I feed it a cracker.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Your death, strange human. I mean, your injury. No murder, just a little maiming. So I can leave. Maiming’s not so bad.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“The cold never bothers me when I’m filled with the hot soup of bad souls. Nevertheless I make a show of shivering. Chi strips off his leather vest and I hold it as he peels off his hoodie, pulling his shirt up with it. I get an eyeful of carved six-pack abs and bite back a whistle. Demon-hunting must be good for the physique. The looks of an angel and yet all it makes me want to do is sin.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Jo turns towards me. Her voice is calm but now I see her eyes blaze in a holy hazel fire. She doesn’t want to die, but she will, for what she believes in. I need new friends.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“But worries are for people who can’t pull grown men apart with their bare hands.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Those of us who live with twisted bits like to think we can overcome them.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I eye the three of them, considering. They’ll need a lesson in discretion before I go. Not a lethal lesson. Mom wouldn’t like that.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Turns out I’m only ‘mom-special’. Special like a snowflake is special. Special like a school kid on honor roll.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I hear myself laughing, screeching, cackling. The world is red hot and pulsing. On fire [...] I stroll down the corridor and the flickering fluorescents celebrate my passing, humming in praise. I spin, bow and hum along. Bloody footprints trail; bloody fingers smear the walls.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“My teeth rip skin; my jaws snap bones. I am fast, lightning-fast, snuff— oh-was-that-your-life?—oh-was-that-your-life?— fast.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“As parties go, the food is good but the hosts are complete assholes.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“The pauses make it better. They make me wonder whether he's going to come to me, like the anticipation before a kiss. Will he or won't he?

But this is not a love story.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“He moves and my eyes snap open, freezing him in place. "You're right. I am like you." I breathe, then shake my head very slowly, holding his eyes. "But that doesn't help you any.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“Oooooh, don’t make her mad!” the leader gasps around his laughter.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



“And as for my mom, whatever happened, whatever her reasons were, they don’t really matter anymore other than as a way to know her better. She loved me, no matter what, in her own way. And everyone has their own way.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“They don’t hate each other, they’ve just hurt each other.” Not what I expect from a thirteen-year-old kid. I raise my eyebrows. “What?” he says defensively, “You can’t hate someone you’d be willing to die for.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“I give it a shot. “Relax,” I whisper. “You’re already dead.”

Her eyes fill with tears and I roll mine. Ghosts.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“All right – love of my life, but that’s kind of a mouthful. One day, let’s just shorten it to ‘wife’.”

Even I find that frightening, and it wasn’t directed at me.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked


“My morality is almost a contortionist.”
― Eliza Crewe, quote from Cracked



About the author

Eliza Crewe
Born place: in The United States
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Popular quotes

“ذكرياتنا ليست تحفة عاجية معروضة في متحف محكم ضد الغبار. بل حيوان يعيش ويلتهم ويهضم.. إنها كالتنين في الأساطير, تلتهم نفسها لأنها الطريق الوحيد الذي تستطيع من خلاله الاستمرار.”
― Erich Maria Remarque, quote from The Night in Lisbon


“Le lapidi erano banali, parevano chiedere scusa ai defunti.”
― China Miéville, quote from King Rat


“Our visual field, the entire view of what we can see when we look out into the world, is divided into billions of tiny spots or pixels. Each pixel is filled with atoms and molecules that are in vibration. The retinal cells in the back of our eyes detect the movement of those atomic particles. Atoms vibrating at different frequencies emit different wavelengths of energy, and this information is eventually coded as different colors by the visual cortex in the occipital region of our brain. A visual image is built by our brain's ability to package groups of pixels together in the form of edges. Different edges with different orientations - vertical, horizontal and oblique, combine to form complex images. Different groups of cells in our brain add depth, color and motion to what we see.”
― Jill Bolte Taylor, quote from My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey


“But don't you worry," Dad says, after he spends a moment digesting this information, "that if you don't have children, there'll be one one to care for you in your old age?"
"No," I say. "Because I could have children, and they could turn out to hate me. The way I see it, I have friends who care about me now, so I'll probably have friends who'll care about me when I'm old, too. We'll take care of each other.”
― Meg Cabot, quote from Size 14 Is Not Fat Either


“But I never forgot Shosha. I dreamed of her at night. In my dreams she was both dead and alive. I played with her in a garden which was also a cemetery. Dead girls joined us there, wearing garments that were ornate shrouds. They danced in circles and sang songs. They swung, skated, occasionally hovered in the air. I strolled with Shosha in a forest of gigantic trees that reached the sky. The birds there were different from any I knew. They were as big as eagles, as colorful as parrots. They spoke Yiddish. From the thickets surrounding the garden, beasts with human faces showed themselves. Shosha was at home in this garden, and instead of my pointing out and explaining to her as I had done in the past, she revealed to me things I hadn't known and whispered secrets in my ear. Her hair had grown long enough to reach her loins, and her flesh glowed like mother-of-pearl. I always awoke from this dream with a sweet taste in my mouth and the impression that Shosha was on longer living.”
― Isaac Bashevis Singer, quote from Shosha


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