“I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum”
“I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy”
“In my opinion, the only good spider is a dead spider, and women's rights aren't worth dick if they mean I can't ask a man to do my bug squashing.”
“I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.”
“You're a lunatic. You ran me over with a goddamn Buick.”
“I shot that sucker right in the gumpy."
“You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-”
“I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?”
“Are you afraid of me?
The smile stayed fixed in place. 'You should be. You locked me in a refrigerator truck with three dead people. Sooner or later I'm going to get you for it.”
“There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing."
“Yeah. Almost as surprising as when you nailed me with your father's car."
In the interest of avoiding confrontation, I felt compelled to explain. I didn't feel obliged to do it convincingly. "It was an accident. My foot slipped."
"That was no accident. You jumped the goddamn curb and followed me down the sidewalk.”
“Nothing Personal? You've harrassed my mother, stolen my car, and now you're telling people I've gotten you pregnant! In my opinion, getting someone pregnant is pretty fucking personal! Jesus, isn't it enough I'm accused of murder? What are you the bounty hunter from hell?”
“You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.”
“I wasn't sure exactly how prostitutes determined price, but if men bought hookers by the pound, these two would be doing okay.”
“Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.”
“From the look on your face, I'd say you know him."
I nodded. "Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school."
Connie grunted. "Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli”
“It's fucking hard to be classy”
“Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said.
Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked.”
“Suppose I lay down on the pavement and you run over me a few times with my own car...just for old times.”
“THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically.”
“The way I see it, living in New Jersey is a challenge, what with the toxic waste and the eighteen wheelers and the armed schizophrenics."
“You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet."
"You're lucky I didn't sue you."
"You're lucky I didn't put the car into reverse and back over you three or four times.”
“I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset."
Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler.”
“It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence."
“He specializes in virgins! The brush of his fingertips turns virgins into slobbering mush."
Mary Lou Molnar”
“My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.”
“Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now."
She sent me a look of utter disgust and slammed the front door. I was 30-year-old and Mrs Morelli was going to tell my mother on me. Only in the burgh.”
“And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case. ”
“There are some men who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever.”
“Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts. "I've still got pretty good legs, you know." She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. "What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?"
Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.”
“Wasn’t it wonderful of Angus and Emma to spring for first class tickets?”
“It’s an incredibly long flight, you know.”
“They’ll show us a movie or two.”
She leaned close to him, smiling. “I love traveling with you. You’re so agreeable.”
He gave her an annoyed look. “Are you going to talk the whole time?”
She smiled sweetly. “Yes.”
“You kill -- You die."
That was probably the most naive thing I've ever said. The fact is -- in most cases, NOW, the way things are -- you kill -- you LIVE.”
“You have waged bitter and undeclared war upon the green, gutting the rain forests, mile after mile, day after day, but know this: the war has come home! It is man's turn to embrace the scythe.”
“I want you to love me."
"I don't even know you."
"Then I'll settle for a date. Bowling?”
“What sort of trip?” “The sort that wasn’t planned and we weren’t exactly willing to go on.” “You’re being kidnapped?”
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