Quotes from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“How would you like your eggs?"

I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“ If god is watching us,
the least we can do is be entertaining.

--BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“What do you want?"

"You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Whoever is in charge of making sure I don’t do stupid shit is fired.
—T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“My phone pinged. It was a text from Cookie.

I'm not good at cocking guns.

Really? Did she not know me at all?

I texted her back.

You can do this. Learn the cock, Cookie.

Know the cock.

Be the cock.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Hey, wait," I said, pulling back, "you are the son of Satan. Maybe we need a safe word."

His grin morphed into something wickedly charming. "Okay, how about, 'Oh, my god, it's so big.'"

Laughter burst out of me before I could stop it. Not that it wasn't. "That would be a safe phrase, but okay." I thought about it, then said, "How about 'Is that all you've got?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.”
“That’s strange.”
“Why?”
“Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.”
“That is strange.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal. "If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you."

He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone."

"I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Is that what you think? That I follow you around to keep your ass out of trouble?"

"If so, you're not very good at your job."

A huge smile spread across his face. "True enough. So what's eating you? Because, sadly, it's not me.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I'm a virgin.
But this is an old shirt.

--T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“You still owe me a million dollars." I'd presented him with a bill for proving his innocence and getting him freed from prison. He had yet to pay. Couldn't imagine why.

"Yeah, I was hoping we could work that out."

"The interest alone is going to kill you."

"What do you charge?"

"Three hundred eighty-seven percent."

"Is that ethical?"

"It's as ethical as my dating the son of Satan.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Captain," I said, letting the surprise I felt filter into my voice. It was weird how every time I said the word captain, I wanted to tack on a Jack Sparrow at the end.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I noticed you tore down Donovan's house."

He lifted his gaze until it locked with mine. "He's alive because he left town. His house chose to stay. It paid the price.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I have depth. I've read Proust. No, wait, that was Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. My bad"

Charley Davidson.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“What would you do if you were sent to hell?"
"Stop, drop, and roll?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“With a deep regret, I wiggled out from under him despite his sleepy protests and grabbed articles of clothing as I tiptoed to his door. What amazing willpower I had. What fantastic self-control. I'd come over for one reason, and everything but that reason seemed to be resolved. When I reached the door, I saw what looked like another note. But this was his door, not mine. I peeled it off, then angled it until I could read it by the light of the fire.

Is that all you've got?

With a smile spreading slowly across my face, I dropped everything I'd just picked up and went back for more.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“She still wasn't convinced. "So, if you were a guy, would you be into me?"
"Hon, if I were a guy, I'd be gay."
"Yeah, me, too.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer.
—T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Freaking men. It didn't matter what the problem was, they saw only three solutions to it: food, sex, war.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, but your mother and I are separating." When I pressed my mouth together, he corrected, "Stepmother. We're just - We're going in different directions."

"I don't know what to say, Dad. 'Hurray' just seems wrong.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“A wicked grin crinkled one corner of his mouth as he secured another sticky note on the door before shutting it in my face.

I blinked, then read the note.

Use the key.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“We should date."

I laughed, curled him into my arms, and kissed the soft spot underneath his earlobe. "You're going to have to go to obedience school for that to happen. You have authority issues."

"Never mind. We should have sex again and then date."

"Since you put it that way, okay.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

“The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction.
I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve.
“Wut the foock?”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Fifth Grave Past the Light

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“I leveled a scowl at him. “Is there
anything in our agreement that says I can’t
call you names?”
He crouched and added a few touches
to the diagram. A very faint smile curved
his mouth. “No.”
My own mouth twitched. “So,
hypothetically, if I were to call you an
asshole, there’d be no reprisals?” I asked
with an innocent look. “Hypothetically, of
course.”
Idris glanced up sharply, then hissed
and drew back his hand as the sigil he was
working on stung him.
“Nothing of that sort is covered by the
agreement,” was Mzatal’s mild reply.
I chuckled under my breath. “I think
I’ll just call you Boss.”
He glanced over at me with a raised
eyebrow. I smiled sweetly in response.
Mzatal straightened, turned fully to me,
hands behind back and head lowered
slightly, and still with the faint hint of a
smile. “There could be consequences.”
I shrugged, still smiling. “What fun
would it be if there weren’t?”
Mzatal lifted his head. “None
whatsoever,” he said, his face betraying a
hint of amusement as he moved to the
center of the diagram.”
― Diana Rowland, quote from Touch of the Demon

“perhaps the answer is simply one:
one female angel dancing alone in her stocking feet,
a small jazz combo working in the background.

She sways like a branch in the wind, her beautiful
eyes closed, and the tall thin bassist leans over
to glance at his watch because she has been dancing
forever, and now it is very late, even for musicians.”
― Billy Collins, quote from Sailing Alone Around the Room: New and Selected Poems

“And you’re a disgrace to the Tuttle family, you know? I gotta teach you how to throw a punch and you’re gonna learn how to fucking swim. I’m not jumping in to save your sorry ass every time you can’t figure out how to lift your fat head up out of the bathtub.” Matt said, “Fine.” Petey nodded once and said, “Good.” Matt growled, “Whatever.” “Yeah.” “Done.” “Fuck you.”
― J.F. Smith, quote from Latakia

“All of my life I’ve had one cardinal rule: the only person I can trust is myself. I’m the only person I can count on to truly look out for me without ulterior motives. That’s what I’m doing now, looking out. I don’t need your hotel. I don’t need your damn limo to give me a ride. And I don’t need you.” He stared at her, a blank expression on his face for a long moment. Finally, he whispered, “But I need you.”
― Lydia Michaels, quote from Coming Home

“Besides, it seems to me, since my pleasure is more or less a foregone conclusion, the main object of the exercise ought to be your pleasure. A rather elusive creature, I've heard. Fascinating sort of quarry.' 'Wait a minute. You're hunting down my orgasms?' His laughter burst out like a rifle salute. 'Kate. You damned magnificent creature.' He rolled onto his back, bringing me with him. 'Yes, my darling. That's exactly what I'd like to do, on and on until the end of my life.”
― Beatriz Williams, quote from Overseas

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