Reasonable Doubt: Volume 1

Is there super-glue on my floor? Is that why you’re still standing there?

Thank you for telling me that my dick is in your prayers. I'd prefer if it was in your mouth.

Do you know that men like you—relationship avoiders, are the type that typically fall the hardest?” “Did they teach you that at Wal-Mart?

Karma is one hell of a bitch!

The only tool your pussy needs is my tongue. It's here whenever you want it, and it works in a "VARIETY" of ways.

I’d overheard her several times on her lunch breaks, talking about how she wanted to be married before she turned twenty five. She also apparently wanted to be a stay-at-home mom with six kids, and live in a house in the suburbs. In other words, she was completely out of her fucking mind.

Casual sex. Nothing more. Nothing Less." That line wasn't there for decoration, and it was in bold print for a reason.

Just because someone from your past hurt you doesn’t mean that every woman after her will.

How much longer do you think you'll be able to keep doing this?" "Keep doing what?" "Chatting someone up for a week, fucking her, and moving on the the next. How much longer?" "Until my dick stops working.

Things are going to catch up to you one day, asshole!” She yells as I step into the hallway. “Karma is one hell of a bitch!” “I know.” I toss back. “I fucked her two weeks ago...

Last was Hamilton—Andrew Hamilton, and he was...He was sexy as fuck

And can you please have the janitor check my floor for fucking superglue?” ~ Andrew Hamilton

One dinner. One night. No repeats.

Why do you want to be a lawyer, Miss Everhart?” “I enjoy screwing people over,” she said. “I figure I might as well get paid for it.

Then the two of us stood staring at one another. I had no idea what the fuck just happened, and only a part of me liked it. The other half loved it.

I quickly decided that he was bipolar,

I invested in a box of paper bags today." ~ Andrew Hamilton

I’m tired of only being able to talk to you on the phone, Alyssa...”Silence. “I need to see you...” His voice was strained. “I need to fuck you...”“Thoreau...” “No, listen to me.” His tone was a warning. “I need to be buried deep inside of you, feeling your pussy throb around my cock as you scream my name—my real name.”A hand trailed down past my stomach and between my thighs, and my fingers began to strum my clit. Slow at first, then faster, faster with every sound of his heavy breaths in my ear. “I’ve been very patient with you...” His voice trailed off. “Don’t you think?”“No...”“I have,” he said. “I’m tired of imagining how wet your pussy can get, how loudly you’ll scream when I suck your tits as you ride me...How hard I’ll pull your hair when I bend you over my desk and fuck you until you can’t breathe...Tired.”I shut my eyes, letting my other hand squeeze my breast, letting my thumb pinch my nipple.“I’m giving you two weeks to come to your fucking senses...”“What?”“Two weeks,” he whispered. “That’s when you and I are going to meet face to face, and I’m going to claim every inch of you.”“I can’t...I can’t agree to...that.”“You will.” His breathing was now in sync with mine. “And the second you do, you’re going to invite me over and I’m going to remind you of everything you’ve teased me with over the past six months.

Could you help Miss Everhart find her way out of my office? And could you please have the janitor check my floors for fucking superglue?” ***

Subject: Desert Dick So, I’m emailing you right now because I just thought about how much pain you’re in currently...We haven’t talked about you getting laid in quite a while, and that concerns me. Greatly. Like, I’ve CRIED about your lack of pu**y...I’m very sorry that so many women have sent you fraudulent pictures and given you a severe case of blue balls. I’m attaching the links to a top of the line lotion that I think you should invest in for the weeks to come. Your dick is in my prayers, —Alyssa.

It’s against the rules for you and me to have each other’s phone numbers in the first place, for us to act like f**king teenagers and make each other cum over the phone at night, but you’ve never complained about that.” “You’ve never made me cum...” “Don’t lie to me.” “You haven’t.” “So, last week when I said that I wanted you to ride my mouth so I could eat your pu**y until you came all over my lips, you were pretending to breathe hard?” She sucked in a breath. “No, but—” “I thought so. Why can’t we meet in person?” “Because it would ruin our friendship and you know it.

Subject: Thinking... “One dinner. One night. No repeats.” Do you pick a cheap or expensive restaurant? Do you pay for the dinner and the hotel room? Or do you make the woman split it with you? —Alyssa. Subject: Re: Thinking... Expensive dinner. Five star hotel suite. I pay for everything. Would you like me to book a few reservations for us so I can show you? —Thoreau. Subject: Re: Re: Thinking... Of course not. And a “few” reservations? What happened to just one? Subject: Re: Re: Re: Thinking... I told you I’d make an exception in your case. I invested in a box of paper bags today. —Thoreau

I’m tired of only being able to talk to you on the phone, Alyssa...” Silence. “I need to see you...” His voice was strained. “I need to fuck you...” “Thoreau...” “No, listen to me.” His tone was a warning. “I need to be buried deep inside of you, feeling your pussy throb around my cock as you scream my name—my real name.” A hand trailed down past my stomach and between my thighs, and my fingers began to strum my clit. Slow at first, then faster, faster with every sound of his heavy breaths in my ear. “I’ve been very patient with you...” His voice trailed off. “Don’t you think?” “No...” “I have,” he said. “I’m tired of imagining how wet your pussy can get, how loudly you’ll scream when I suck your tits as you ride me...How hard I’ll pull your hair when I bend you over my desk and fuck you until you can’t breathe...Tired.” I shut my eyes, letting my other hand squeeze my breast, letting my thumb pinch my nipple. “I’m giving you two weeks to come to your fucking senses...” “What?” “Two weeks,” he whispered. “That’s when you and I are going to meet face to face, and I’m going to claim every inch of you.” “I can’t...I can’t agree to...that.” “You will.” His breathing was now in sync with mine. “And the second you do, you’re going to invite me over and I’m going to remind you of everything you’ve teased me with over the past six months.

You know what?” I said, snapping out of my thoughts. “I’ve never been good at describing things. What do you look like?” “I look like a man who wants to f**k you.

Subject: Re: Desert Dick Thank you for your concerns about my dick. Although, seeing as though you’ve NEVER discussed getting laid, I think having Cobweb Pussy is a far more serious illness. Yes, it is true that so many women have sent me pictures, but it’s quite sad that you’ve never sent me yours, isn’t it? I’m more than willing to send you mine, and eventually help you cure your sad and unfortunate disease. Thank you for telling me that my dick is in your prayers. I’d prefer if it was in your mouth. —Thoreau.

Subject: Get Over Yourself. Thank you for the childish picture text of the white dust that was outside your condo this morning. I really appreciated it, but I can assure you that that is NOT what the inside of my vagina looks like right now. Not that it’s any of your business, but I don’t need to get laid every other day to satisfy my needs. They are WELL taken care of with a VARIETY of tools.

my cell phone rang. Alyssa. “I’m busy,” I answered. “Then why did you pick up the phone?” “Because the sound of my voice makes you wet.” “Funny.” She laughed. “How’s your morning?” “Typical. My secretary just came onto me for the third time this month.” “She sent you another ‘You and me belong together’ note with chocolates?” “No, she offered to suck my dick.” “What?” She gasped. ”You’re kidding!” “Unfortunately not. After that, she told me she was willing to give me her virginity. Needless to say, I’ll be posting a replacement ad pretty soon. Anyone from your office want to work for a better firm? I’ll double the salary.” “How do you know that my firm isn’t better than yours?” “Because you call and ask me for advice on cases all the time—silly cases at that. If your firm was better, you’d never have to ask.

Wow...Just, wow...” She shakes her head. “How much longer do you think you’ll be able to keep doing this?” “Keep doing what?” “Chatting someone up for a week, f**king her, and moving on to the next. How much longer?” “Until my dick stops working.

This is the first time a guy on Date-Match has told the truth. I think it’s a sign.” “It’s not.” I shook my head. “And the model? How did you get someone to take all those pictures?” “It wasn’t a model. It was my roommate.” Her eyes widened as I stood up. “Wait a second! All the things I said to you on the phone were absolutely true. I am interested in politics, and I do love studying the law and keeping up with high profile cases.” “What law school did you go to?” “Law school?” She raised her eyebrow. “No, not law school type of law. Law like, I’ve watched every episode of SVU and I’ve read all of John Grisham’s books.