Not My Problem

Things felt more messy than ever. Could someone treat you badly and still love you? Someone could treat you badly and you still love them, so maybe the reverse was true too. But just because you loved someone it didn't mean you had to give them another chance. Or maybe that's exactly what it meant.

I made a mental note that if I ever wanted to try some therapeutic screaming, the acoustics in here were great.

If I'm going to murder people I'm going to do it in style. I'm not going to half-arse it. It's not Maths homework. It's a passion project.

Cos I fancy you. I'm hoping that if I go to all this effort you'll look at me and think, 'Well, she might be a dumbass, but she tries'. And then, I dunno, maybe you'll flash me or something.

Please, God, don't be out of battery, you piece of shit, please, God." One of the lesser-known prayers. You heard it around, sure, but only if you stuck it out to the end of the rosary.

Don't spit in my hair!" "Don't get hair in my spit. That's my good saliva.

Please excuse Aideen Cleary from PE today She has bubonic plauge." I coughed. "You do not have bubonic plauge." "I do though.' "I could phone your mother." "You could.

Why are you doing this,' she asked. 'You know why.' I said. 'Because you like to help people?' 'Nah.' 'Because you believe in my platform?" 'God no,' I joked. She smirked. 'Why then.' 'Cause I fancy you. I'm hoping if I go to all this effort you'll look at me and think, well, she might be a dumbass but she tries. And then, I dunno, maybe you'll flash me or something.' She laughed out loud at that. 'That is not why.' 'It is,' I said earnestly. 'I think you'll flash me.' 'You do not.' 'I do.' 'You don't.' 'I really do.' 'You-' I cut her off with a kiss. I didn't think about it. I just leaned in and held the back of her head gently.

If you accept that there's a problem, then you have to do something about it.

This is what you get for being a Good Samaritan. You die in a girls' locker room at the hands of a deranged overachiever.

Have you met my wife, Kristen Stewart? We're flying on a private jet to Maui tonight to have lots of sex and lip biting. Fuckity bye, arseholes.

Look," I said in my softest voice. "you got your heart pulped. You missed someone and then you wanted to feel like they loved you again. that's not pathetic. It's your heart, it's soft and mushy and it's supposed to be and I'm sorry he thought it was okay to mess with it but that's his mistake, not yours.

I dug deep down into my empathy store and found a dried-up old raisin.

Whatever Just do something productive. You haven't done your last two English assignments and you have one due Friday. I told you next time it's detention." "Wow, gossiping about me withe the English teacher. I would have thought you were above that kind of thing." Ms. Devlin turned red, ready to explode. "I am your English teacher, you ninny." "Oh I thought you looked familiar.

It's all a load of bolloxology, but I'm not going to let that get in the way of making fun of you, am I?

I don't think you can make people stop being dicks," he said thoughtfully. "They either will or they won't on their own time. I don't need them to be on my side. I just need someone who is, so I'm not alone. I need pople I can talk to. And I have that now.

I'd never met someone I hated more. Would it have been wrong to burn her house down to get out?

She's injured," I said. "we're not just carrying her around for the craic, you know." Sister Dymphna frowned. "I don't like young ladies who are cheeky," she said. I don't like old bats who are too senile to spot a pretty obvious problem.

You're trying to make me play camogie to solve an imaginary problem. There's nothing wrong. Except my bubons." "Your what?" "My bubons. I have bubonic plauge. My body is covered in bubons. Under my clothes, though, obviously." "You could at least read a bit more about these illnesses, you know, instead of simply choosing one off a list." "Sounds like homework.

The thought made me feel a gasping, grabbing tightness in my chest. Like someone was holding a pillow over my mouth, only the teeny-tiniest molecules of air getting through, more of a taunt than a lifeline. I squeezed my eyes tight shut and forced that part of my mind to turn black. It wasn't there. There was no problem.

I waved him down with a cheery goodbye and when the doors swung closed I gave him the finger. It's the little things that keep me going.

The bathroom had a large bath and was themed of the seaside. Something I've never quite understood. I'm not sure what it is about peeing that makes people think of lighthouse ornaments and soaps shaped like seashells in a seashell.

One time," Kavi started, and I pinched the bridge of my nose before the story even got going, "when I was little I told my brother that he should get in the tumble dryer and we'd turn it one and see what happened and then my mam founded me trying to help him in, you know like stuffing his limbs in there, and she almost had a heart attack and started screaming that appliances are not for people and then she told my brother to get out of the tumble dryer and never go in there again, but when he tried to get out again he was stuck and we has to call the fire brigade to cut him out of it. then we didn't have a tumble dryer for ages but now we have one that's a washing machine and a tumble dryer in one.

I tried not to sound guilty. Why did I even feel guilty? I hadn't done anything. I hadn't told Holly about the favor I'd done Meabh. Or the favor she'd done me. Or that I'd told her to start with her green initiative, even though I hadn't known what it was at the time. but then she'd never asked me specifically, Aideen, did you push Meabh down the stairs in order to give her more time to work on her student council plans and then did she help you break into the school in the middle of the night and then did you inadvertently advise her to kill the hard copy of my beloved school newspaper? So, like, it hadn't come up.

I decided I wouldn't call her annoying anymore. I didn't know what it was like to be Meabh, and I certainly would never get what it was like to be Kavi, but I knew what it was like to feel alone.

Trust is funny like that. It's like faith. If you have proof then you don't need trust. You need trust when you have doubts.

Quería dejar a Meabh para el final y colarme en su dormitorio para que me diera un sermón sobre cómo excitarla correctamente, pero esta noche no era el momento.

-¿Me besaste para callarme? -Sí, y si voy a volver a hacerlo, voy a tener que conseguir una escalera de mano", dije, frotándome la nuca.

Me gusta tu pelo ", dije, y me felicité en privado por ser suave con las damas.