“I want more than a one-nighter with a meal plan.”
“I was incapable of producing
anything coherent at the moment so
rather than throwing out some witty
banter in response I said something like
“Ohgaahaad” instead. Feel free to quote
me.”
“I hated giving out free legal advice at parties, but at that moment, I would have drafted her will in crayon on a cocktail napkin ...”
“Holy freaking moly! Harvard really was well endowed!”
“Just flirt with him and see what happens - those were famous last words if I ever heard them.”
“I want to have hot, sweaty, monkey sex with you. Okay, perhaps that's too candid.”
“I need to get out more. I’m sniffing the prosecutors.”
“Well, we need to make sure we don’t frighten him off. We’ll approach him very slowly and speak in quiet gentle tones. Put on some nice perfume and let him sniff you.”
“Are you guys arguing?” Jess asked.
“Are we?” I asked.
“Maybe a little but that’s okay. Couples argue. We’ll figure it out and we can have make-up sex later,” Braden said, and Bruno yipped.
“Hey, I think the dog knows that word,” Mark said, studying Bruno curiously.
“Look who his parents are,” Adam said dryly. “God knows what he’s been exposed to. He probably needs psychoanalysis.”
“Daddy? We’re the parents of a Chihuahua?” “You never know what the future holds. It would be good practice.” “For when we had puppies?”
“As long as he treats you with respect you can screw his brains out if you want!” “You’re”
“We decided that we should do Shabbos dinner here and we invited the family,” my dad said.
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Gabby, sweetie,” my mom said consolingly. “It’s best to get it over with quickly, trust me.”
“Honey, I met them on my first date with your mother.” He looked at Braden. “I married her anyway.” I saw Braden try not to laugh. “It’s okay! You can laugh. We laugh a lot here. It keeps us sane and being sane is what separates us from the rest of Judy’s family.”
“Hey baby, do you want to hold my Whopper?”
“I predict that I'll be breaking out the 'right to a trial defense’ again,” I said, trying to not act any weirder than I already was.
“You don't think he'll be willing to plead guilty?”
“Probably not. He firmly believes that claiming to be a complete idiot will get him off.”
“You're very funny,” he said, leaning against the defense table right next to me again.
“Mr. Pierce, in my line of work, one either laughs or cries and I would rather laugh.” Oh Jesus H. Christ! I sounded like a country western song.”
“Okay.” Footsteps disappeared down the hallway. We both let out a sigh of relief. After a few seconds of panting and letting my heart leave my throat and return to my chest cavity he stepped back.
“It’s for the best,” he said huskily. “I say I want to be able to take my time with you and then I shove you up against a wall in a public defender interview room after a fanny grabber case.”
“What, that's not romantic enough for you?” I laughed, still sounding kind of out of breath.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. He sounded apologetic and looked frustrated.
“It’s okay.” I sat up and fixed my clothes while he had them buzzed in. When he was done I looked at him and smiled. “Don’t worry. We’ll have the opportunity to get seriously freaky soon.” I know — I’m just so wonderfully warm and romantic sometimes. A sweet talker like me should write for Hallmark.”
“It was Friday and I wouldn't get to see him again for at least two days. I headed back to my office, probably the only one of the two hundred plus attorneys who worked there who wasn't thrilled that the weekend had finally arrived. I contemplated my plans for the next day. I could rearrange the kitchen cupboards, maybe catch a matinee, slit my wrists. The possibilities were endless.”
“There you go, Mr. Roth,” I said, as I walked over to stand right in front of him, leaned down, and looked him directly in the eye, our faces inches apart. “Some men can obviously handle my mouth.” Jess let out a startled laugh behind me. I stood up, smiled and started to walk away. After a second of stunned silence, their table erupted into laughter. Wow, I really was kind of saucy wasn't I?”
“I think you guys should take a road trip to Roswell,” I joked.
“Maybe you can prove that Elvis is still alive and break the Da Vinci Code on the way,” he added and I giggled. Mark and Adam gave each other a look.
“I think it’s just the two of us now, Adam,” Mark said.
“Want to lay some cash on how long he has?” Adam asked.
“Six months,” Mark answered.
“Until engagement or actual marriage?”
“Just until engagement. You’ve got to give him some time to get past denial and make it to acceptance.”
“And you have a defense, Ms. Ginsberg?”
“I do, Your Honor.”
“And that would be?”
“Mistaken identity.”
“Mistaken identity. Of course.” Judge Channing didn't look pleased. “Wayne!” he yelled to his deputy. “Get me some Alka Seltzer!”
“A burrito as a deadly weapon? A mistaken fanny grabber as a sex offender?”
“I don't like it either! I have to do my job, though, just like you have to do your job when you tell a jury that it's reasonable to believe that a normal person throws a wine and cheese party in his pants!”
“Take mine, Gab.”
“I can’t, Mark. I hardly ever drink anymore and I just had two cups of beer and downed a shot of tequila within less than half an hour.”
“You’re not driving. Don’t waste it. There are people going to bed sober tonight all over the world.”
“I’m not making demands, Mark,” I explained. “I just prefer that people who date me focus on getting to know me, which is easier if they aren’t busy screwing a bunch of other women. Besides, I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to stand in line at anybody’s bedroom door. I was an only child. I never learned to share nicely.”
“The Masons will likely be there with Felicity,” she went on.
“The Masons want to marry their daughter off to me.” Braden explained. “The mother, Mrs. Mason, is a snob with the warmth of a glacier and her daughter, Felicity, reminds me of Wednesday Addams but more Goth. I think the father might be a hologram.”
“And will you be marrying the lovely Felicity?”
“I would be more likely to marry Cameron.”
“We figured we would save you from having to turn down any more guys trying to buy you drinks,” Mark said, tossing a peanut into his mouth.
“It’s the least you could do, since thanks to you I actually am under the influence now, Mr. there are people going to bed sober tonight all over the world.”
“Hey, it’s not my problem you’re a lightweight,” he teased. “I didn’t force you to chug those two cups of beer, Animal.”
“I can’t wait to hear what she has to say when she’s been drinking,” Adam joked.
“Perhaps I’ll just sit here quietly and be entertained by your sparkling wit,” I said and started torturing a napkin in a way that it had done nothing to deserve.”
“I feel like I need a cigarette,” Adam said. He looked flushed.
“Yeah, that was like watching porn,” Jess added. Braden and Adam looked at her. “I imagine.”
“If you don’t bang her soon, you two are going to wind up in the Supreme Court,” Adam joked.
“Or in jail,” Jess added.”
“How many rooms are in this f**king house, Drew, and you have to be in this one right now?”
“Just be thankful that we're all going out so you can “rest” in privacy.” He made the little air quotes to make it clear that he didn’t think we would be resting.”
“We need a PD to talk to a guy in lock up! A Mr.” he checked the file, “DeWayne Johnson.”
“Oh I know that case,” Adam said. “That’s the gentleman from the North Philly “social club” charged with triple homicide.”
“I’ll take it,” I said.
“Hold on!” Braden stopped me. “You can’t go have a chat with a gang banger in lock up.”
“Why not?”
“He’s violent.”
“That’s probably why he’s charged with triple homicide, Braden. Although I will point out that he’s innocent until proven guilty even if he is a gangsta.”
“There must be a male PD around.”
“I’ve interviewed violent males before and this guy’s just a shooter anyway. I feel reasonably confident that they took the gun away from him when they arrested him.”
“Yeah, but they’ll lock you in with him. By the time they opened the door he could hurt you.”
“Well they’re not going to let him out to come see me. Where do you think I meet my clients? Starbucks?”
“I'm sorry, Gabrielle,” Drew laughed. “I'm just giving Braden a hard time.” He sat down in a chair next to us and sipped a Coke.
“He's just jealous.”
“Damn right I'm jealous. You get to sleep with your girlfriend tonight and I'm going out with my sister. There would be something wrong with me if I weren't jealous, dude.”
“Stop thinking about my sex life.”
“Just make sure you don't remind me of it later. Don’t forget that my room is right next to yours and the walls are thin.”
“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”
“I know, but if I feel this bad for Gramps, how am I going to feel when it’s Dad?” Tyler told me.
“You’ll feel even worse, of course, but you’ll carry on, because happiness has a way of creeping in again. It really does,” I said.”
“Being alive and living aren't the same.”
“And I extend this to so many of our corporate leaders. I ask you to draw your eye down to our glorious professional leaders in the commercial arena, in this most material of ages. How many of them should be in charge of anything, let alone other people?”
“Kacie, look at me. You can do this, trust me.” “I can’t.” I meant that literally. I couldn’t will my feet to move even if I wanted them to. “Look in my eyes. Yes, you can. You said you trusted me, now come on. Jump in puddles with me.”
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