“I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE.
IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
—T-SHIRT”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “Make it quick," I said when I picked up. 
"Okay. Two men from the FBI are here." Cookie said. Quickly. 
Crap. "Men in black are at the office?"
"Well, yes, but they're actually in more of a navy."
Crapola. I so don't have time for men. In any color. "Okay, two questions. Do they look mad, and are they hot?"
After a long, long, pause, Cookie said, "One, not really. Two, no comment at this time. And three, you're on speakerphone."
After another long, long pause, I said, "Okie dokie then. Be there in a jiff.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “WITH GREAT BREASTS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. —T-SHIRT”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                    “NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG. —T-SHIRT”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “I WAS AN ATHEIST UNTIL I REALIZED I WAS GOD. —BUMPER STICKER”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I'd just have to counteract it later with cake.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                    “You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed.
"Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass.
"Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                    “...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                    “Cookie dropped her purse and tried to catch it midair. In the process, she knocked over a vase. When she lunged for the vase, she slipped on the tile and overturned an entire table. A lovely handblown piece of glass flew in my direction, and all I could think as I caught it was, Really? Again? We were going to have to practice muscle control.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “He took a long draw then asked, “What’d I do?”
“You knew about the guy threatening my dad?”
He paused, shifted in his chair, so freaking busted, it wasn’t funny. “They told you?”
“Why, no, Swopes, they didn’t. Instead, they waited until the guy knocked the fuck out of my dad and readied him for spaceflight with duct tape then tried to kill me with a butcher’s knife.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket? ~Bumper sticker~”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                    “That you honestly believe I am capable of hurting innocent people for no reason.”
“You’re not?” I asked, hope softening my voice.
“Oh, no, I’m more than capable. I just didn’t realize you
knew that.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “He'd been in surgery for-like-ever, then in recovery, but they put him in a room because, despite the amount of blood loss, his wounds were no longer life threatening. "You here to get in my pants?" he asked.
"You're not wearing any pants," I reminded him. "You're wearing a girly gown with a built-in ass ventilator.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “Where the hell did my bones go?" I asked. This whole upright thing had me stumped.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “That’s the thing about things. They tend to happen.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                    “I suck at all this supernatural stuff. But I fry a mean chicken.
Oh, good. I hate it when the nice ones get fried.”
                                    
                                    
                                    ― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                “A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world. But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after--oh, that' s love by a different name.”
                                
                                
                                    ― Barbara Kingsolver, quote from The Poisonwood Bible
                                
                            
                                “What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find.”
                                
                                
                                    ― Hermann Hesse, quote from Siddhartha
                                
                            
                                “Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.”
                                
                                
                                    ― Ayn Rand, quote from Atlas Shrugged
                                
                            
                                “I was born free, and that I might live in freedom I chose the solitude of the fields; in the trees of the mountains I find society, the clear waters of the brooks are my mirrors, and to the trees and waters I make known my thoughts and charms. I am a fire afar off, a sword laid aside. Those whom I have inspired with love by letting them see me, I have by words undeceived, and if their longings live on hope—and I have given none to Chrysostom or to any other—it cannot justly be said that the death of any is my doing, for it was rather his own obstinacy than my cruelty that killed him; and if it be made a charge against me that his wishes were honourable, and that therefore I was bound to yield to them, I answer that when on this very spot where now his grave is made he declared to me his purity of purpose, I told him that mine was to live in perpetual solitude, and that the earth alone should enjoy the fruits of my retirement and the spoils of my beauty; and if, after this open avowal, he chose to persist against hope and steer against the wind, what wonder is it that he should sink in the depths of his infatuation? If I had encouraged him, I should be false; if I had gratified him, I should have acted against my own better resolution and purpose. He was persistent in spite of warning, he despaired without being hated. Bethink you now if it be reasonable that his suffering should be laid to my charge. Let him who has been deceived complain, let him give way to despair whose encouraged hopes have proved vain, let him flatter himself whom I shall entice, let him boast whom I shall receive; but let not him call me cruel or homicide to whom I make no promise, upon whom I practise no deception, whom I neither entice nor receive. It has not been so far the will of Heaven that I should love by fate, and to expect me to love by choice is idle. Let this general declaration serve for each of my suitors on his own account, and let it be understood from this time forth that if anyone dies for me it is not of jealousy or misery he dies, for she who loves no one can give no cause for jealousy to any, and candour is not to be confounded with scorn. Let him who calls me wild beast and basilisk, leave me alone as something noxious and evil; let him who calls me ungrateful, withhold his service; who calls me wayward, seek not my acquaintance; who calls me cruel, pursue me not; for this wild beast, this basilisk, this ungrateful, cruel, wayward being has no kind of desire to seek, serve, know, or follow them. If Chrysostom's impatience and violent passion killed him, why should my modest behaviour and circumspection be blamed? If I preserve my purity in the society of the trees, why should he who would have me preserve it among men, seek to rob me of it? I have, as you know, wealth of my own, and I covet not that of others; my taste is for freedom, and I have no relish for constraint; I neither love nor hate anyone; I do not deceive this one or court that, or trifle with one or play with another. The modest converse of the shepherd girls of these hamlets and the care of my goats are my recreations; my desires are bounded by these mountains, and if they ever wander hence it is to contemplate the beauty of the heavens, steps by which the soul travels to its primeval abode.”
                                
                                
                                    ― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, quote from Don Quixote
                                
                            
                                “We are all subject to the fates. But we must act as if we are not, or die of despair.”
                                
                                
                                    ― Philip Pullman, quote from The Golden Compass
                                
                            
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