Quotes from Second Grave on the Left

“I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE.
IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
—T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“Make it quick," I said when I picked up.
"Okay. Two men from the FBI are here." Cookie said. Quickly.
Crap. "Men in black are at the office?"
"Well, yes, but they're actually in more of a navy."
Crapola. I so don't have time for men. In any color. "Okay, two questions. Do they look mad, and are they hot?"
After a long, long, pause, Cookie said, "One, not really. Two, no comment at this time. And three, you're on speakerphone."
After another long, long pause, I said, "Okie dokie then. Be there in a jiff.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“WITH GREAT BREASTS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“I WAS AN ATHEIST UNTIL I REALIZED I WAS GOD. —BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I'd just have to counteract it later with cake.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed.
"Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass.
"Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“Cookie dropped her purse and tried to catch it midair. In the process, she knocked over a vase. When she lunged for the vase, she slipped on the tile and overturned an entire table. A lovely handblown piece of glass flew in my direction, and all I could think as I caught it was, Really? Again? We were going to have to practice muscle control.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“He took a long draw then asked, “What’d I do?”
“You knew about the guy threatening my dad?”
He paused, shifted in his chair, so freaking busted, it wasn’t funny. “They told you?”
“Why, no, Swopes, they didn’t. Instead, they waited until the guy knocked the fuck out of my dad and readied him for spaceflight with duct tape then tried to kill me with a butcher’s knife.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket? ~Bumper sticker~”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“That you honestly believe I am capable of hurting innocent people for no reason.”
“You’re not?” I asked, hope softening my voice.
“Oh, no, I’m more than capable. I just didn’t realize you
knew that.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“He'd been in surgery for-like-ever, then in recovery, but they put him in a room because, despite the amount of blood loss, his wounds were no longer life threatening. "You here to get in my pants?" he asked.

"You're not wearing any pants," I reminded him. "You're wearing a girly gown with a built-in ass ventilator.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“Where the hell did my bones go?" I asked. This whole upright thing had me stumped.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“That’s the thing about things. They tend to happen.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

“I suck at all this supernatural stuff. But I fry a mean chicken.
Oh, good. I hate it when the nice ones get fried.”
― Darynda Jones, quote from Second Grave on the Left

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