Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love

Men don't need linguistic talent; they just need courage and words.

Falling in love was not really a choice; it just struck me.

Take dopamine. Elevated levels of dopamine in the brain produce extremely focussed attention,2 as well as unwavering motivation and goal-directed behaviors.3 These are central characteristics of romantic love. Lovers intensely focus on the beloved, often to the exclusion of all around them. Indeed, they concentrate so relentlessly on the positive qualities of the adored one that they easily overlook his or her negative traits;4 they even dote on specific events and objects shared with this sweetheart.

We need food. We need water. We need warmth. And the lover feels he/she needs the beloved. Plato had it right over two thousand years ago. The god of love “lives in a state of need.

Men with high baseline levels of testosterone marry less frequently, have more adulterous affairs, commit more spousal abuse, and divorce more often.

Commit. Listen “actively” to your partner. Ask questions. Give answers. Appreciate. Stay attractive. Keep growing intellectually. Include her. Give him privacy. Be honest and trustworthy. Tell your mate what you need. Accept his/her shortcomings. Mind your manners. Exercise your sense of humor. Respect him. Respect her. Compromise. Argue constructively. Never threaten to depart. Forget the past. Say “no” to adultery. Don’t assume the relationship will last forever; build it one day at a time. And never give up.

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of god.

each is associated with different neurochemicals. Lust is associated primarily with the hormone testosterone in both men and women. Romantic love is linked with the natural stimulant dopamine and perhaps norepinephrine and serotonin. And feelings of male-female attachment are produced primarily by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. Moreover,

The reverse can also happen: as a man becomes more and more attached to his family, levels of testosterone can decline. In fact, at the birth of a child, expectant fathers experience a significant decline in levels of testosterone.66 Even when a man holds a baby, levels of testosterone decrease. This

some psychiatrists believe that exercise (aerobic or anaerobic) can be as effective in healing depression as psychotherapy or antidepressant drugs.

Scientists are beginning to pinpoint the brain regions that become active when one feels fusion with a “higher power,” such as God.36 Perhaps this brain region is also involved in love.

El clima del amor es tan agradable. En efecto, cuando estamos enamorados, resplandecemos. También sentimos la angustia de la agonía y de la espera. El amor romántico es un ímpetu, un deseo, una necesidad, un impulso primigenio del apareamiento que a veces puede ser más poderoso que el hambre.

Para contrarrestar este modo de pensar convencional, los terapeutas aconsejan seguir varias prácticas establecidas: Comprometerse. Escuchar "activamente" a nuestra pareja. Hacer preguntas. Dar respuestas. Valorar. Permanecer atractivo. Seguir creciendo intelectualmente. Contar con ella. Dejarle intimidad a él. Ser sincero y digno de confianza. Contar a nuestra pareja lo que necesitamos. Aceptar sus defectos. Cuidar los modales. Practicar el sentido del humor. Respetarse. Llegar a acuerdos. Discutir constructivamente. No amenazar nunca con abandonarle. Olvidar el pasado. Decir "no" al adulterio. No dar por hecho que la relación durará para siempre, vivir cada día. Y no rendirse nunca.

Su carácter pareció cambiar cuando cambió su suerte. Olvidó sus penas, su estado deprimido y asumió toda la sencillez y la vivacidad de una mente joven... Se volvió juguetona, llena de confianza, amabilidad y compasión. Los ojos mostraban un nuevo brillo y las mejillas un color y una suavidad también nuevas. Su hoz se hizo alegre, su carácter rebosaba una bondad universal; y una cautivadora sonrisa llena de ternura iluminaba día tras día su semblante. Mary Wollstonecraft, se había enamorado.