The Love Dare

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.

Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves.

Patience gives your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time that they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the rough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.

Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.

There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstances.

Nobody knows you as well as our spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.

You must choose to live by enouragement rather than by expectations.

That word is 'willing.' It's an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It's like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend.

Instead of following your heart, you are choosing to lead to lead it. The world says to follow your heart, but if you are not it, then someone or something else is. The Bible says that "the heart is more deceitful than all else" (Jeremiah 17:9), and it will always pursue that which feels right at the moment.

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. —Mark 3:25

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (James 1:19)

Surrendering a battle may actually be the best way to greater victory.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.

Simply put, one of the greatest priorities for your marriage should be daily cultivating your relationship with God while celebrating any spiritual growth in your spouse.

Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? Some people live by the motto, “Never pass up an opportunity to get upset with your spouse.” When something goes wrong, they quickly take full advantage of it by expressing how hurt or frustrated they are. But this is the opposite reaction of love.

Prayer really does work. It’s a spiritual phenomenon created by an unlimited, powerful God. And it yields amazing results.

The bottom line is this: you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.

It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness. First.

The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

Don’t wait until you feel like doing the right thing. Don’t wait until you feel in love with your spouse to invest in your relationship. Start pouring into your marriage and investing where your heart is supposed to be. Spend time with your spouse. Buy gifts. Write letters. Go on dates. The more you invest, the more your heart will value your relationship. This is what the Love Dare is all about—forty days of leading your heart back to loving your spouse.

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that is stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

Your greater loyalty must shift from your parents to your spouse. It must also shift away from old flames and old friends to your mate. Everyone else must take a back seat and become properly emotionally distanced enough to give your union room to bloom. For without “leaving,” you cannot do the “cleaving” you need, the joining of your hearts that’s required to experience oneness.

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. (Song of Solomon 6:3)

So when it’s all said and done, the romance, intimacy, and enjoyment of your marriage is greatly dependent upon your mutual commitment to allow no unforgiveness to exist between the two of you. Great marriages are not produced by people who never hurt each other, only by people who daily choose to keep “no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

What would happen in your marriage, husband, if you devoted yourself to loving, honoring, and serving your wife in all things? What if you determined that the preservation of your oneness with this woman was worth every sacrifice and expression of love you could make? What if you wisely navigated through conversations and misunderstandings in such a way to guard the unity between you?

If your spouse offends you, do you quickly retaliate,

He who is slow to anger has great understanding,

Agape love is “in sickness and health” love, “for richer or poorer” love, “for better or worse” love. It is the only kind of love that is lasting, unchanging, true love.

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not an impulsive reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today, in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. And no matter what you do, I will never stop loving you.

I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19). The one who listens first consistently has the advantage in a fight. You should always approach sensitive issues by respectfully asking questions rather than making assumptions or unleashing accusations. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). If you quickly admit where you were wrong and apologize first, you disarm your spouse and neutralize the ammo they were using against you while leading the way for them to deal with their mistakes as well. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). People tend to mirror their enemy in a fight. The more intense you get, the more intense they get. The more humble and tender you become, the more humble and tender they become. Let how you are speaking be laced with love regardless of what you are saying.

When storms arise and conditions worsen, love chooses to endure through even the toughest issues. Though threatened, it keeps pursuing. Though challenged, it keeps moving forward. Though mistreated and rejected, it refuses to give up. “Love never fails.