Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life

by Rachel Renée Russell · 2009

First published 2009 · 283 pages · Dork Diaries #1 · English

25 quotes ★ 4.10 (120,774) Children's

Quotes from the Book

So many FREAKS and not enough CIRCUSES!

Sweetie, when life presents challenges, you can be either a CHICKEN or a CHAMPION. The choice is YOURS!

OMG! Look at that! They’re ALL wearing the same butt-ugly ensemble! Wait, don’t tell me. They were giving them away for free with a purchase of a McDonald’s Happy Meal!

Minu ema moto kõlab: "No kuulge! Miks peaks laskma väikesel gangreenil või tillukesel pidalitõvehool takistada teekonda hariduse juurde?!

You’re such a big BABY. So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT!

Hey, I’m so BROKE, I have a milkshake on layaway at McDonald’s!

I'll pluck out my eye with a pencil and eat it with a Spam and mustard sandwich IF ONLY you'll sit me at lunch today, MacKenzie!

I was like, JUST GREAT! Grandma is finally going SENILE! Doesn’t she understand that some things in life you’re STUCK with and powerless to change?! Jeez!

The next my parents and Brianna come rollin' up in here, I'm gonna scream, "Hey! Why don't y'all just MOVE IN?!

Lucky for me it wasn’t Brianna at my door, but my parents. Before I could say, “Come in”, they just kind of barged in, like they always do, which really irritated me, because this is supposed to be MY room!

Mom, I don’t need a STUPID book with 288 BLANK pages!!

Only a TOTAL DORK would be caught WRITING in a DIARY!! This is THE worst present I have ever received in my entire life! I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs: “Mom, I don’t need a STUPID book with 288 BLANK pages!!

Absolutely no one writes their most intimate feelings and deep, dark secrets in a diary anymore! WHY?! Because just one or two people knowing all your BIZ could completely ruin your reputation. You’re supposed to post this kind of juicy stuff online in your BLOG so MILLIONS can read it!!!

THREE things to be VERY happy about: 1. The Tyra Banks show ROCKED! 2. My rash completely cleared up. 3. My parents think I’m a fourteen-year-old Rachael Ray.

MOM! Please come quick! I don’t feel so good. My stomach is really queasy and I think I’m going to . . . blecchuuarggh!

The Price Is Right for Morons.

Hey, get a load of those two! It must be mating season or something...

I bet the popular kids at his school called him “Puke,” “Schmuck,” “Yuck,” or something worse. POOR PUCK !!

She rambled on and on about how my attending a new private school was going to be a “stressful time of tremendous personal growth” and how my best “coping mechanism” would be to “communicate” my “thoughts and feelings.” I was absolutely ECSTATIC because you can communicate with a NEW CELL PHONE! Right?! I kind of zoned out on most of what my mom was saying because I was DAYDREAMING about all of the cool ring tones, music, and movies I was going to download. It was going to be LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!

Me and Zoey were like, “TATTOOS?! Are you NUTS?!

Grandma just smiled and said her life is exciting now that she's taking hip-hop dance lessons at the senior rec center, And her dance teacher, Krump Daddy, is "dope!" Then she asked me if I wänted to see her "bust a move." I was like, "Thanks, Grandma. But I probably should get started on my homework right now." I was actually really worried she was going to BUST her hip, skull, or spleen and I'd have to call 9ll. Then my parents would blame ME because my grandma almost KILLED herself doing hip-hop.

MY LIFE TOTALLY SUCKS!! All day I wandered around my new school like a ZOMBIE in lip gloss. Not a single person bothered to say hi.

And I’m like, “Hey, girlfriend! I don’t have no STINKIN’ problem!” But I just say it inside my head, so no one really hears it except me. However, deep down I’m troubled and ashamed that a tiny part of me—a very dark and primitive side—would totally LOVE to be best friends with MacKenzie!…

A TERRIFIED BRIANNA KEEPS BUMPING MY POPCORN!

HEY, CHECK OUT THOSE TWO! IT MUST BE MATING SEASON OR SOMETHING.…

Did you know?

The book is the first installment in the Dork Diaries series.
It is written in the format of an illustrated personal diary kept by the narrator, Nikki Maxwell.
The Dork Diaries series reached number one on the New York Times bestseller list.
Nikki attends the private Westchester Country Day Middle School on a scholarship connected to her father's job as an exterminator.
The series is widely compared to Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

About Rachel Renée Russell

Rachel Renee Russell is an American attorney and author best known for creating the bestselling Dork Diaries series, which she writes and illustrates with help from her daughters Nikki and Erin.

More about the author →

About the book

"Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life" is the first book in Rachel Renee Russell's bestselling Dork Diaries series, framed as the private journal of fourteen-year-old Nikki Maxwell. Disappointed to receive a diary instead of the phone she wanted, Nikki uses it to record her struggle to fit in after transferring to the exclusive Westchester Country Day Middle School, where she attends on a scholarship tied to her father's pest-control work. The illustrated, handwritten-style entries follow her run-ins with queen bee Mackenzie, her crush on schoolmate Brandon, and the new friendships that help her survive eighth grade.

Told through doodles, lists, and confessional journal entries, the book centers on familiar middle-grade themes: the anxiety of being the new kid, the pressure to be popular, and the difference between social status and genuine friendship. Nikki's self-deprecating humor and embarrassment over her family give way to growing confidence as she learns to value the loyal friends, Chloe and Zoey, who stand by her.

The series became a major commercial success, reaching number one on the New York Times bestseller list and spawning numerous sequels and spin-offs. The book is frequently compared to Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid for its diary-and-cartoon format, with critics and readers noting its appeal as a girl-focused counterpart in the same illustrated middle-grade tradition.

Key characters

Nikki MaxwellEighth-grade narrator and protagonist who keeps the diary
Mackenzie HollisterPopular mean girl and Nikki's rival at school
Chloe GarciaOne of Nikki's two loyal best friends
Zoey FranklinOne of Nikki's two loyal best friends
Brandon RobertsNikki's kind, down-to-earth crush

Book details

First published: 2009
Length: 283 pages
Series: Dork Diaries #1
Reading time: 2 hours
Author: Rachel Renée Russell
Genre: Children's
Goodreads rating: 4.10 (121k ratings)

Critical reception

The Dork Diaries series, launched by this book, became a number one New York Times bestseller.
Reviewers frequently compare the book's diary-and-cartoon format to Diary of a Wimpy Kid, framing it as a girl-focused counterpart.