House Arrest

I didn’t have the heart to tell her she’s mistaking bravery for flat-out desperation.

What good is it to be a teenager if no one will listen to anything you say?

Don’t you think it’s OK to cry uncle sometimes? To ask for help? Otherwise you’re just crying. And how does that help anyone?

I couldn't even answer because for the first time since Levi was born I could talk about things without shaking

Sad Mad Tired Grouchy Frustrated Those are not dwarves. They are feelings, OK? They are like nickels and quarters jangling, jangling, jangling buying me time on Mrs. B’s computer.

You know you are very brave.

i hate wearing a mask.Its all ready hard to breathe

I will digest your words like a chicken leg bouncing around in my stomach.

What if.. what if... what if i had one more magic wallet.. what if all the bills got paid?

Can you keep a baby alive if you are kind and you have tired eyes but you don’t know that supposably isn’t a real word?

I'm never not afraid , Timothy, I'm never not afraid for him.

I'm afriad all the time

what good is it to be a teenager?" - K.A. holt

I haven't been here, Even when I have been here, I haven't been here." K.A Holt, House Arrest

Please help him not need the trach. Have you seen Star Wars?

Who do you think I am, Mrs. B? James? [eyebrow lift thing goes here]

You know when you print pictures and they come matte or shiny? Shiny is . . . shiny. But matte is a little more dull, the colors kind of muted. Levi is matte today. His face is darker, blurrier. I wish Mom wasn’t at work. He’s scaring me. Four stoplights. Why is it taking this long? It shouldn’t take this long. Where is the ambulance? Where where where where where where where where where where oh my god levi wake up levi wake up levi wake up Please forgive me. It’s the only thing I can think to do. WEEK 51 I didn’t care about the cars, I didn’t even think about them. Have you ever seen a blue baby? If you have then you know you can’t see anything else only that awful color spreading through his face settling in his lips. I was holding him so close. Running, just running down the sidewalk hoping to meet the ambulance but it still wasn’t there and suddenly José’s house was there and the turtle car was there and I know the keys are always under the visor and so I took it even though it was probably going to catch on fire even though I’ve never driven one inch in my life I took it. I stole it. I stole that turtle car. Did you say five, James? I hit five cars? Well, I was really distracted. Five counts of leaving the scene of an accident. Five counts of vehicular negligence. One count of driving without a license. One count of driving underage. One count of grand theft auto. One probation: violated. I’m reading the charges while I wait for the judge. These khaki scrubs scratching me, these white slippers not fitting right. They left one thing off this sheet: one count of saving Levi’s life.

Did I just do it again? Accidentally write something insulting? Or maybe it was accidentally on purpose. YOU’LL NEVER KNOW, SUCKERS.

Subglottic stenosis. That’s what Levi has. I know you know what that means, it is like taping your nostrils shut and trying to breathe through a tiny coffee straw glued to your lips.

This little booger. He will sign milk and more and please. He will sign Mama and music. He will sign hot and cold. He will sign hurt. He will sign dog when I need a haircut. But he will not sign brother. He just won’t do it.