Quotes from Tangled

Emma Chase ·  254 pages

Rating: (94.8K votes)


“She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.”

"That’s my girl.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“For God's sake, don't let her watch Cinderella. What kind of example is that? A mindless twit who can't even remember where she left her damn shoe, so she has to wait for some douchebag in tights to bring it to her? Give me a frigging break!”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Mackenzie raises her hand proudly. “I have a bagina.”
I smirk. “Yes, you do sweetheart. And someday, it’s gonna help you rule the world.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Women fall in love quicker than men. Easier and more often. But when guys fall? We go down harder. And when things go bad? When it's not us who ends it? We don't get to walk away.
We crawl.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“It’s simple guy logic: If a woman is angry? It means she cares. If you’re in a relationship and a chick can’t even be bothered to yell at you? You’re screwed. Indifference is a woman’s kiss of death. It’s the equivalent of a man not interested in sex. In either case—it’s over. You’re done.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled



“Newsflash, ladies: We can’t read your thoughts. And frankly, I’m not entirely sure I’d want to. The female mind is a scary place to be.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?

Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“It makes me want to kiss her and strangle her at the same time. I’ve never been into S&M. But I’m beginning to see its benefits.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Edward Cullen can take his stupid heroine and OD on it. Kate is my own personal brand of Viagra.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“I BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW THIS, but lots of guys have a thing for Ariel. You know, from The Little Mermaid? I’ve never been into her myself, but I can understand the attraction: she fills out her shells nicely, she’s a redhead, and she spends most of the movie unable to speak.
In light of this, I’m not too disturbed about the semi I’m sporting while watching Beauty and the Beast—part of the homework Erin gave me. I like Belle. She’s hot. Well…for a cartoon, anyway. She reminds me of Kate. She’s resourceful. Smart. And she doesn’t take any shit from the Beast or that douchebag with the freakishly large arms.
I stare at the television as Belle bends over to feed a bird. Then I lean forward, hoping for a nice cleavage shot…
I’m going to hell, aren’t I?”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled



“God. I may end up being the first man in history capable of masturbating without touching himself. Look, Mom—no hands.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Fuck you!”
She stalks back around my desk toward the door.
“Here? Now?” I look up at the ceiling, like I’m debating the prospect. “Well…okay. But be gentle. My couch is a virgin.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Fine’s a funny word, don’t you think? I don’t think there’s another like it in the English language that says so much while actually saying so little.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Vaginas beat penises every time.
They're like kryptonite.
Penises are defenseless against them.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“I don’t go to church. Not anymore. I’m a lot of things, but a hypocrite really isn’t one of them. If you’re not going to play by the rules, you don’t show up for team meetings.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled



“He moved his trunk-like manhood toward the weeping petals of her womanly center.'

Who the f*ck talks like that?!”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“In that same year, NYU conducted its own study. With rats. They implanted electrodes in the brains of male rats and put two buttons in their cages. When the lucky little bastards pushed the blue button, the electrodes triggered an orgasm. When they pushed a red button, they were given food.

Care to guess what happened to all the rats?
They died.
They fucking starved to death.
They never pushed the red button.
Need I say more?”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Don’t put off till tomorrow anyone you could be doing today.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Then I flip Kate the finger. Immature, I know, but apparently we’re now both functioning at the preschool level, so I’m guessing it’s okay. Kate sneers at me. Then she mouths, You wish. Well—she’s got me there, now doesn’t she?”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“There are three kinds of males in this world: boys, guys, and men. Boys – like Billy – never grow up, never get serious. They only care about themselves, their music, their cars. Guys – like you – are all about numbers and variety. Like an assembly line, it’s just one one-night stand after another. Then there are men – like Matthew. They’re not perfect, but they appreciate women for more than their flexibility and mouth suction.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled



“For those ladies out there who are listening, let me give you some free advice: If a guy who you just met at a club calls you baby, sweetheart, angel, or any other generic endearment? Don’t make the mistake of thinking he’s so into you, he’s already thinking up pet names.

It’s because he can’t or doesn’t care to remember your actual name.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“The point is, when you ask, “What do you want for dinner?” we’re thinking about screwing you on the kitchen counter. When you’re telling us about the sappy film you watched with your girlfriends last week, we’re thinking about the porno we saw on cable last night. When you show us the designer shoes you bought on sale, we’re thinking how nice they would look on our shoulders.

I just thought you’d want to know. Don’t shoot the messenger”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“I told you how I grew up. I never had to share my toys; I don’t plan on sharing my clients. Ask any four-year-old—sharing sucks.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“You ever seen A Christmas Story? You know toward the end when Ralphie beats the ever-loving shit out of the bully? I hope to God you've seen it. Because then you'll know exactly what I mean when I say I'm about to go real fucking Ralphie on this son of a bitch.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Idiots annoy me.” Mackenzie holds up the jar again, and in goes another dollar. The jar? It was invented by my sister, who apparently thinks my language is too harsh for her offspring. It’s the Bad Word Jar. Every time someone—usually me—swears, they have to pay a dollar. At this rate, that thing is going to put Mackenzie through college.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled



“I once heard my mother tell my father that she shouldn’t have to explain why she was pissed. That if he didn’t already know what he’d done wrong, then he wasn’t really sorry for it. What the fuck does that even mean? Newsflash, ladies: We can’t read your thoughts. And frankly, I’m not entirely sure I’d want to. The female mind is a scary place to be.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“My mother always told me, “Anyone worth doing, is worth doing well.” Okay, she didn’t actually say those exact words, but you get the picture.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Remember when I said all guys talk to their friends about sex?
Well, we do.
But no guy talks to his friends about sex with his girlfriend. Ever.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“No man wants to f*ck a skeleton-and nibbling crackers and water like a prisoner of war at dinner isn't attractive.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled


“Did you know that if you put a frog in boiling water, he’ll jump out? But, if you put one in cold water and heat it slowly, he’ll stay in. And boil to death. He won’t even try to get out. He won’t even know he’s dying. Until it’s too late.

Men are a lot like frogs.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Tangled



About the author

Emma Chase
Born place: in The United States
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“Maria, lonely prostitute on a street of pain,
You, at least, hail me and speak to me
While a thousand others ignore my face.
You offer me an hour of love,
And your fees are not as costly as most.
You are the madonna of the lonely,
The first-born daughter in a world of pain.
You do not turn fat men aside,
Or trample on the stuttering, shy ones,
You are the meadow where desperate men
Can find a moment's comfort.

Men have paid more to their wives
To know a bit of peace
And could not walk away without the guilt
That masquerades as love.
You do not bind them, lovely Maria, you comfort them
And bid them return.
Your body is more Christian than the Bishop's
Whose gloved hand cannot feel the dropping of my blood.
Your passion is as genuine as most,
Your caring as real!

But you, Maria, sacred whore on the endless pavement of pain,
You, whose virginity each man may make his own
Without paying ought but your fee,
You who know nothing of virgin births and immaculate conceptions,
You who touch man's flesh and caress a stranger,
Who warm his bed to bring his aching skin alive,
You make more sense than stock markets and football games
Where sad men beg for virility.
You offer yourself for a fee--and who offers himself for less?

At times you are cruel and demanding--harsh and insensitive,
At times you are shrewd and deceptive--grasping and hollow.
The wonder is that at times you are gentle and concerned,
Warm and loving.
You deserve more respect than nuns who hide their sex for eternal love;
Your fees are not so high, nor your prejudice so virtuous.
You deserve more laurels than the self-pitying mother of many children,
And your fee is not as costly as most.

Man comes to you when his bed is filled with brass and emptiness,
When liquor has dulled his sense enough
To know his need of you.
He will come in fantasy and despair, Maria,
And leave without apologies.
He will come in loneliness--and perhaps
Leave in loneliness as well.
But you give him more than soldiers who win medals and pensions,
More than priests who offer absolution
And sweet-smelling ritual,
More than friends who anticipate his death
Or challenge his life,
And your fee is not as costly as most.

You admit that your love is for a fee,
Few women can be as honest.
There are monuments to statesmen who gave nothing to anyone
Except their hungry ego,
Monuments to mothers who turned their children
Into starving, anxious bodies,
Monuments to Lady Liberty who makes poor men prisoners.
I would erect a monument for you--
who give more than most--
And for a meager fee.

Among the lonely, you are perhaps the loneliest of all,
You come so close to love
But it eludes you
While proper women march to church and fantasize
In the silence of their rooms,
While lonely women take their husbands' arms
To hold them on life's surface,
While chattering women fill their closets with clothes and
Their lips with lies,
You offer love for a fee--which is not as costly as most--
And remain a lonely prostitute on a street of pain.

You are not immoral, little Maria, only tired and afraid,
But you are not as hollow as the police who pursue you,
The politicians who jail you, the pharisees who scorn you.
You give what you promise--take your paltry fee--and
Wander on the endless, aching pavements of pain.
You know more of universal love than the nations who thrive on war,
More than the churches whose dogmas are private vendettas made sacred,
More than the tall buildings and sprawling factories
Where men wear chains.
You are a lonely prostitute who speaks to me as I pass,
And I smile at you because I am a lonely man.”
― James Kavanaugh, quote from There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves


“Under pressure, men drink alcohol and invade other countries; women eat chocolate and go shopping.”
― Allan Pease, quote from Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It


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