Bad Girls Don't Die

That's the pathetic thing about high school. Everyone tries so hard to be something they aren't. It's gotten so I don't know who I am, so how can I even try to be who I am, much less who I'm not? My problem is that I don't even fit in with the misfits. I don't fit anywhere.

Just say something real. Everyone just always tries so hard, and it all comes out the same. I just want someone to say something real.

Oh." He sat in confused silence for a few seconds. "Can I ask you a very serious question?" "I rather you didn't," I said. He stared straight into my eyes. "If you were an animal, what animal would you be?" WAIT, WHAT? "Wait, what?" "It's a classic icebreaker." "If I were an ANIMAL...?" He faked a sigh and checked an imaginary watch. "Your inability to answer the question doesn't bode well for-" "I refuse to answer that," I said. "On the grounds that it's probably the stupidest thing I've ever been asked." He stared at me, frowning. "I hear your subconscious saying MONKEY.

I can't help it, Alexis," he said "I want to make you think too much...and then I want to hear the things you've been thinking too much.

I'm a giant pimple on the face of humanity.

Apparently when it's two people, it's quirky and funny, but when it's a person doing the same stuff on her own, it's rebellious and antisocial.

I hope you don't really see yourself that way," I said. He turned to look at me and narrowed his eyes. "How do you see me?" he said softly. ... "I think you're. . ." My voice went nearly silent. "Dangerous." "Why?" he whispered.... ". . . You make me think too much." .... "I can't help it, Alexis," he said. "I want to make you think too much. . . and then I want to hear the things you've been thinking. . . too much.

I longed to be wrapped in his arms again, pour my troubles, make everything feel okay, even if it wasn't

Somehow suspension sounded way worse than detention. Detention happens to everybody. Suspension, though - that's for the sociopaths. I wasn't a hundred percent sure I was ready to take that leap.

Hmmph. Young Republicans have weird senses of humor.

It wouldn't hurt you to show a little school spirit," Mom said. As if she were a fan of high school football. Mom can take a simple obvservation, such as saying that it wouldn't hurt for a person to show a little school spirit, and say it in such a way that she might as well be saying, 'It wouldn't hurt you to stop clubbing those baby seals.

And I thought chivalry was dead!"... "Maybe it is. I opened a door into her head.

How could something that made a person feel so safe be so BAD?

So here's the deal: I speak up in class, I get sent to office. Megan speaks up in class, she's a "strong, assertive model student."I post a few flyers saying that the vending machines on school property are a sign that our school has sold out to corporate-industrial establishment, I get (what else?) Saturday detention. Megan starts a campaign to serve local foods in the lunchroom (oh, and can we please maybe get rid of the soda machines?) and the local newspaper does a write-up about her. She's like me, only not. Not like me at all. She's the golden girl and I'm...tarnished. So forgive me if I hate her a little.

So now, not only did my best friend leave, but the cheerleaders and their mindless followers assumed I was personally responsible for the petition (which, yeah, I was) and started being openly rude to me - shutting doors in my face, leaving nasty notes on my desk and in my locker, making fun of me when I could obviously hear them. That's when I started keeping really quiet in class, and finding ways to show the other kids I wasn't afraid of them - like staring them straight in the eye when they looked at me, taking a step toward them when they talked to me, or walking right up to them and getting their personal space if I heard them say my name. Saying the meanest things I could think of whenever I had the chance - repeating rumors, embellishing them. I found out Kira Conroy had been arrested for shoplifting at the mall, and made sure everyone knew about it. The girl who burped in a boy's face during her first kiss, the girl who tripped and fell off the stage at the Miss Teen California pageant - I shared those stories the moment I heard them. All's fair in war, right? Suddenly I wasn't a nobody anymore. I was a somebody. Somebody everyone was afraid of.

I'd always assumed Beth and I would be friends forever. But then in middle of the eighth grade, the Goldbergs went through the World's Nastiest Divorce. Beth went a little nuts. I don't blame her. When her dad got involved with this twenty-one year old dental hygienist, Beth got involved with the junk food aisle at the grocery store. She carried processed snack cakes the way toddlers carry teddy bears. She gained, like, twenty pounds, but I didn't think it was a big deal. I figured she'd get back to her usual weight once the shock wore off. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only person who noticed. May 14 was 'Fun and Fit Day" at Surry Middle School, so the gym was full of booths set up by local health clubs and doctors and dentists and sports leagues, all trying to entice us to not end up as couch potatoes. That part was fine. What wasn't fine was when the whole school sat down to watch the eighth-grade cheerleaders' program on physical fitness.

some student who’d been caught putting bumper stickers that said ‘Gas Guzzler’ on every SUV in the parking lot.

The only thing worse than parents who don't pay attention to you is parents who pat you on the shoulder on their way out the door

How could something taht made a person feel so safe be so BAD?