Diary of a Wimpy Kid

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg

The best person I know is Myself.

Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.

It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.

that if you don't read nobody does

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.

Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says people need to shave twice a day.

I got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

Mom is always saying I'm a smart kid, but that I just don't apply myself.

Be yourself and people will like you.

I just hope someone doesn't start the Cheese Touch up again, because I don't need that kind of stress in my life any more.

And if you don't spend every second outdoors, people think there's someting wrong with you.

don't expect me to be all dear diary this and dear diary that

But do I have “low intelligence”?

found out I was singing, and he couldn’t resist the chance to see me embarrass myself. The play was supposed to start at 8: 00, but it got delayed because Rodney James had stage fright. You’d figure that someone whose job it was to sit on the stage and do nothing could just suck it up for one performance. But Rodney wouldn’t budge, and eventually, his mom had to carry him off. The play finally got started around 8: 30. Nobody could remember their lines, just like I predicted, but Mrs. Norton kept things

Rodrick’s punishment was that he had to answer a bunch of questions Mom wrote out for him. Did owning this magazine make you a better person? No. Did it make you more popular at school? No. How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine now? I feel ashamed. Do you have anything you want to say to women for having owned this offensive magazine? I’m sorry women.