Bryan Lee O'Malley · 200 pages
Rating: (51.9K votes)
“You suck, surprising no one!!!! If bad was a boot, you'd fit it!!!! You're a stupid poo-poo head! I had sexual relations with your mother! Your mother was not that good in bed! You, sir, are a wretched soul! I am rubber, you are glue!”
“Kim: "What, a coffee? Hollie, I have some bad news. I hate you, okay?"
Hollie: "You hate everyone, Kim."
Kim: "You're one of everyone.”
“Gilded palace of Flying Burritos
Excellent Nouveau Mexican Cuisine
We all got to wear Swank-Ass Nudie Suits
I should have known it was a lousy pipe dream
Ohhh, Ohhh, what an awesome job
Ohhh, Ohhh, what do I do now??
Ohh, Ohhhhh, it's like I've been robbed
Spent the last of my paycheque
And I'm feelin' pretty downnnnn!!”
“If bad were a boot, you'd fit it!”
“It's called 'You Just Don't Exist.' I'm co-starring with Winifred Hailey. It's like, a romantic comedy.”
“Honestly, Edythe, Mama says, like she’s going to give her the most important advice in the world, If you continue acting this way, you will be unpopular for the rest of your life. I wish I could go someplace far away”
“Now go away then, and leave me alone. I don't want any more of your meretricious persiflage.”
“What of miniature boats constructed of birch bark and fallen leaves, launched onto cold water clear as air? How many fleets were pushed out toward the middles of ponds or sent down autumn brooks, holding treasures of acorns, or black feathers, or a puzzled mantis? Let those grassy crafts be listed alongside the iron hulls that cleave the sea, for they are all improvisations built from the daydreams of men, and all will perish, whether from the ocean siege or October breeze.”
“You always have a choice. Don't ever imagine you don't. Whatever you do, it's a decision and you have to accept responsibility for it. That's when honor becomes more than empty words.”
“The Iron Rule of prudence for an Istanbulite Woman: If you are as fragile as a tea glass, either find a way to never encounter burning water and hope to marry an ideal husband or get yourself laid and broken as soon as possible. Alternatively, stop being a tea-glass woman!”
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