“Did you see that? The fuck I give. It went that way.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Water? At a wedding? I don’t understand,” he asks in confusion. “Did you invite Jesus? That’s the only way that will be acceptable.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Oh Sweet Jesus. Sweet mother fucking fuckery of fucks.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Say it,” he whispers. “I missed out on this the first time. I want to hear you say it.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I am plenty romantic. Just this morning while he slept, I had left Carter a box of his favorite candy next to his pillow - Globs: piles of white chocolate covered, crushed potato chips and pretzels drizzled with caramel. I figured it would soften him up to the note I placed next to the box telling him if he left the toilet seat up one more time and my ass got an involuntary bath at six in the morning, I would put super glue on the head of his penis while he slept. I had even signed the note with a couple of Xs and Os. Who says romance is dead?”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I should have sold you to that traveling circus when you were four.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I should ask her to marry me now. If I do it while she's coming, she probably won't be able to say no. It would be physically impossible. Like performing a sex exorist. THE POWER OF THE ORGASM COMPELS YOU!”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“You know what happens when you assume things?”
I left out a sigh. “You make an ass out of you and me.”
…
“No, you just make an ass out of you. Me, I would never be this assy”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Mommy and Daddy make a lot of noise when they kiss. Mommy talks to God a lot. I talk to God sometimes too. I asked him for a puppy and a new monster truck but I was nice and didn't yell at him like Mommy does. He still hasn't gotten me the puppy though.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“a shirt that said “Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic, have you seen my
shotgun?”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Mortification, party of one, your table is now ready.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes?”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I DON'T EVEN FUCKING LIKE GREEN EGGS!”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“It’s mind-blowing and delicious and better
than finding a pot of gold, a unicorn, and a leprechaun who shits diamonds at
the end of a rainbow.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“London Bridge is in Arizona? When the fuck did this happen? Does London know about this? The queen has got to be pissed”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Because I'm pretty sure we conceived this child the night I ate that pot cookie. I'm eighty-four percent positive our child is going to be born a pot head. It's going to come out with dreadlocks and wearing a Bob Marley onesie. Its first word will probably be 'Whaaaaaazzzzzzzuuuuuup'. It's never, ever going to sleep through the night because it's always going to have the munchies.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“It all just depends on the person you're with. If you can look at that person and know without a doubt that you want to spend the rest of your life kissing them goodnight and waking up next to them, marriage is for you.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I don’t even get the term, “the birds and the bees”.
How does that properly teach a kid about sex? You never see a pigeon railing a
dove or a honey bee sticking it to a bumble bee.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I'm sorry, what do you want to order?"
"A virgin. I want to order a virgin.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced her false teeth!”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“Could you stand still please?' Sylvia says in an irritated voice. If she had sweaty balls and an almost-boner she wouldn't be so judgmental. Am I right, or am I right?”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“A few seconds of silence lapse, and I knew Carter was waiting for me to mention the huge "I'm pregnant" elephant in the room. Fuck that elephant! he can just sit there in the corner eating peanuts and shitting on the tile while giving me looks of disgust.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“My father had bought him a shirt
that said “Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic,
have you seen my shotgun?”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I want to marry Mommy. We'll kiss and we'll marry and I'll take her on dates and we'll be best friends forever and make lots of phone calls with each other.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“I changed my mind. Maybe I do want a black hole for a vagina. How bad could it be? I wouldn't need to carry a purse anymore. I could just shove things up my twat. 'Oh, you need a pen? Hold on, let me check in my vagina. What's that you say? Do I have a flashlight? Let me stick my hand up my vag and find out.' Let's go home. We could do a home birth in the bathtub. It might be a tight squeeze but I bet we could both fit in there.”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
“He picks up one of the tests and pretends like he's Harry Potter, aiming the test at random objects around the small bathroom yelling, "I curse you with my magic wand, punk toilet paper!”
― Tara Sivec, quote from Futures and Frosting
Tara Sivec
Born place: in The United States
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“Before the Law stands a doorkeeper on guard. To this doorkeeper there comes a man from the country who begs for admittance to the Law. But the doorkeeper says that he cannot admit the man at the moment. The man, on reflection, asks if he will be allowed, then, to enter later. 'It is possible,' answers the doorkeeper, 'but not at this moment.' Since the door leading into the Law stands open as usual and the doorkeeper steps to one side, the man bends down to peer through the entrance. When the doorkeeper sees that, he laughs and says: 'If you are so strongly tempted, try to get in without my permission. But note that I am powerful. And I am only the lowest doorkeeper. From hall to hall keepers stand at every door, one more powerful than the other. Even the third of these has an aspect that even I cannot bear to look at.' These are difficulties which the man from the country has not expected to meet, the Law, he thinks, should be accessible to every man and at all times, but when he looks more closely at the doorkeeper in his furred robe, with his huge pointed nose and long, thin, Tartar beard, he decides that he had better wait until he gets permission to enter. The doorkeeper gives him a stool and lets him sit down at the side of the door. There he sits waiting for days and years. He makes many attempts to be allowed in and wearies the doorkeeper with his importunity. The doorkeeper often engages him in brief conversation, asking him about his home and about other matters, but the questions are put quite impersonally, as great men put questions, and always conclude with the statement that the man cannot be allowed to enter yet. The man, who has equipped himself with many things for his journey, parts with all he has, however valuable, in the hope of bribing the doorkeeper. The doorkeeper accepts it all, saying, however, as he takes each gift: 'I take this only to keep you from feeling that you have left something undone.' During all these long years the man watches the doorkeeper almost incessantly. He forgets about the other doorkeepers, and this one seems to him the only barrier between himself and the Law. In the first years he curses his evil fate aloud; later, as he grows old, he only mutters to himself. He grows childish, and since in his prolonged watch he has learned to know even the fleas in the doorkeeper's fur collar, he begs the very fleas to help him and to persuade the doorkeeper to change his mind. Finally his eyes grow dim and he does not know whether the world is really darkening around him or whether his eyes are only deceiving him. But in the darkness he can now perceive a radiance that streams immortally from the door of the Law. Now his life is drawing to a close. Before he dies, all that he has experienced during the whole time of his sojourn condenses in his mind into one question, which he has never yet put to the doorkeeper. He beckons the doorkeeper, since he can no longer raise his stiffening body. The doorkeeper has to bend far down to hear him, for the difference in size between them has increased very much to the man's disadvantage. 'What do you want to know now?' asks the doorkeeper, 'you are insatiable.' 'Everyone strives to attain the Law,' answers the man, 'how does it come about, then, that in all these years no one has come seeking admittance but me?' The doorkeeper perceives that the man is at the end of his strength and that his hearing is failing, so he bellows in his ear: 'No one but you could gain admittance through this door, since this door was intended only for you. I am now going to shut it.”
― Franz Kafka, quote from Proces
“The stars are the one thing that I miss about the earth. They're so constant, steady, bright. I've always loved the stars. You reminded me of them, Persephone," she added quietly.”
― Sarah Diemer, quote from The Dark Wife
“If you help someone in need you might also receive unexpected aid.”
― Malala Yousafzai, quote from I Am Malala: How One Girl Stood Up for Education and Changed the World (Young Readers Edition)
“It’s hard to say no to Nate, even when he’s wearing a shirt. I should have made him cover his face too.”
― Rachel Morgan, quote from The Faerie Guardian
“I too have been badly deceived in myself," he said, shaking his head. "Would you believe it?—I had no notion that I was such a monster of inhumanity as I have proved myself to be”
― Georgette Heyer, quote from Sprig Muslin
Bright Side
Exquisite Corpse
The Screaming Stairc...
The 100
The Crown
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