Hardcore Self Help: F**k Anxiety

This negative self-talk is something you probably aren't even aware of, but it eats away at you bit by bit and erodes that self-confidence you need to tackle your anxiety.

You need to set yourself up for success, too. You need to invest in yourself. You need to stop being a butthead and sabotaging yourself.

your brain is a troll..

Whatever you do right now... don't think of a purple monkey. I bet you thought of a purple monkey.

What if I told you that taking breaks and doing nice things for yourself was not a waste of time? What if I said that they were not counterproductive but actually one of the most productive uses of your time?

When you have unhelpful thinking that makes you feel crappy or act in ways that are not in line with your typical self, we refer to these thoughts as maladaptive cognitions or cognitive distortions. It’s a fancy way of describing thoughts that sabotage you. Like I said at the start, sometimes your brain is an asshole.

We are all plugged in and as much as we like to think that we use technology as a tool… sometimes it seems that we are the tools and technology is using us.

imagine that intensity of thought and couple it with negative thoughts and worry,

If it goes on for too long it starts to be downright unpleasant. I’m not talking about your favorite song here. I’m talking about when you get some stupid commercial jingle stuck in your head and you only know one line from the whole song and no matter what you do you can’t get it out and you are thinking about getting a spoon and carving the goddamn song straight out of your brain!!

your brain prompts a neurochemical cascade that kicks your sympathetic nervous system into overdrive... in other words

Alright, let's be real. Your brain is fucking awesome.

I fucking hate PTSD. If you did your time and had to live through something so terrible, your brain really should do you a solid and just let you move on.

Remember how I told you anxiety is like a fire before? Well, with GAD you are basically roasting yourself like some low and slow BBQ.

When you have a panic attack, it feels like you are going to die. You might even WebMD yourself (never WebMD yourself) and find that your symptom profile is strikingly similar to a heart attack... I bet that realization did wonders for your anxiety.

I'm going to be talking to you like a normal person. That means that I will be swearing a lot and using stupid metaphors that will make you think “wtf is this guy smoking?

I’ll tell you how I stay motivated. I named my anxiety. No seriously. His name is Fred and he’s a fucking pain in the ass. I hate him. He’s annoying, mean, pushy, rude, and he constantly smells like cabbage. Now, I’m not one for real interpersonal violence (unless it’s in the octagon), but when I wake up and I’m in one of my periods of progress, I say to myself, “You’re goin’ down, Fred.” I also love video games, so I make a game out of it. Exposure is like gaining experience, leveling up my character. Getting better at deep breathing is like improving my fireball skill. Learning a new coping skill is similar to stumbling upon some epic imbued weapon. You should see my character at this point… much more badass than my actual outward appearance.

Basically, PTSD is when you experience or witness some really fucked up stuff and it messes up your head. The traumatic event isn’t limited to combat, but it can also include things like natural disasters, physical abuse, or sexual trauma. The group of symptoms that come along with PTSD is pretty distinct. If you know someone who has PTSD, you will know exactly what I’m talking about. The person with PTSD is likely going to have some sort of re-experiencing of the traumatic event either in the form of flashbacks or dreams. They deserve to forget, but their douchebrain keeps going, “Nope! Time to live it all over again.” They are also likely to be on edge and hypervigilant. This means that they are always looking for signs of danger and startle a lot more easily than other people. Emotional symptoms are also common with PTSD. These are a little different from person to person. Some become very withdrawn and anti-social, while others explode outward in anger and rage. I fucking hate PTSD. If you did your time and had to live through something so terrible, your brain really should do you a solid and just let you move on. Sigh…

The general idea has to do with those panic attacks that we talked about earlier in the “Your Body is an Asshole Too” chapter. Basically, when you have PD, you experience those panic attacks where you have strong physical symptoms combined with intense fear and discomfort. They tend to peak at around 10 minutes and then cool down. The party isn’t over after that, though. The defining feature of PD is that after you have a panic attack, you suffer from intense fear of having another one in the future. PD really sucks because you can start to have anxiety symptoms outside of legit panic attacks because you are so afraid of having another one and not being able to cope. It’s really a lose/lose situation because being so preoccupied about the potential of future attacks makes you more sensitized and vulnerable to them occurring. If you fear them, they shall come.

One of the shitty things about GAD is the associated physical symptoms. Panic attacks, which I will talk more about in a sec, are terrible, but they are also awesome in that they usually come and go in a matter of minutes. With GAD you aren’t so lucky. You have many of the same features of a panic attack, typically to a lesser degree, but for a really long period of time. Your body isn’t designed to be under that sort of stress reaction for those extended periods and so you may find that you constantly have an upset stomach, muscle soreness, difficulty sleeping, constant fatigue etc. It’s not fun.

GAD is really a pain in the ass because it is pretty hard to pin down. A hallmark feature of GAD is that it is non-specific.

The better you can learn to tolerate the discomfort of anxiety and recognize it as temporary, the less it will disrupt your life. I’m not trying to tell you to surrender to your anxiety. Not by any means. You’re still here to kick this thing’s ass but fighting so hard against the anxiety head-on is not the best strategy because it fights back and then things start to snowball and get blown out of proportion.

Just like you can’t make your stupid boss go away forever, you can’t make anxiety suddenly poof away in a cloud of smoke. What you are working towards in your recovery from anxiety issues is not only to help yourself avoid unnecessary anxiety when it’s possible but also to learn how to better tolerate your anxiety symptoms. How to become better at being an anxious person. One of the things that really maintains and worsens anxiety symptoms and panic symptoms is the phenomenon of getting worked up about the symptoms themselves. Don’t forget, your brain is a douche sometimes. It’s very easy to let it tell you that you should be angry, upset, or scared about the fact that you are experiencing anxiety.

Fighting against your thoughts is not an effective strategy, so what you can do instead is focus on replacement language. Give yourself some mantras to repeat to yourself throughout the day or when you are actively experiencing symptoms.

When you relax and recharge, you are gaining strength and clarity. You are enabling yourself to work, make decisions, and just exist more efficiently and effectively in the future. That’s not a waste of time.

YOU NEED TO TAKE A DAMN BREAK. Actually, you need to take several breaks. Actually, you should take several breaks EVERY DAY. I know. Crazy concept, right? One of the annoying things about anxiety is that it almost never occurs in isolation. If you are the type of person to carry a lot of worry, especially about unfinished business, you are also probably the type to feel really guilty when you do things other than those pieces of unfinished business. Guilt is such a shitty thing. As if things weren't hard enough with the anxiety symptoms, guilt just creeps right up in there and makes things exponentially more difficult. I like to call this snowballing. You get worked up and then getting worked up makes you feel bad and then you get more worked up about feeling bad about getting worked up and then.... you get the point.

It’s called 4-7-8 breathing. I don’t even remember where I learned this one, but it’s come to my rescue for many a close call. I hope you can count because that’s all you have to do for this one. Breathe in for 4 counts (you can count faster or slower depending on comfort), hold that breath for 7, and then release for 8. I know I said there’s no voodoo involved in these, but for me, these numbers are magic. As soon as I hit my second or third 8-count exhale, I can feel the relaxation inject itself into my bloodstream like I’m mainlining tranquility itself.