Before & Laughter: A Life Changing Book

Here’s my advice for dealing with family trauma: accept the apology you’re never going to get and move on. There, I just saved you £25,000 in therapy. You’re welcome.

You want the key to happiness? I’ll give it to you. Happiness is expectations exceeded. Happiness is the gap between what we thought might happen and what actually happened.

Common sense and a sense of humour, are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humour, is just common sense, dancing.

Be nice because it’s the right thing to do, it’s the best way to act in the world and it is what good human beings do. Being difficult and diva-ish or petulant just makes you hard to deal with, it doesn’t make you more authentic or creative or real.

Here’s the truth of it: no one wants you to follow your dream. Best-case scenario, they’ll want you to follow their dream for you.

The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.

When you look back on your life you won’t remember sitting on the sofa watching TV, you’ll remember the uncomfortable times. You’ll remember the times you struggled, the sweat, the tears, you’ll remember when you overcame adversity. Those are the great moments of your life.

Fear is nothing to be afraid of. Fear is a performance-enhancing drug.

But here’s the thing about being human: if we put off doing anything risky for long enough, fear will attach itself. Then what happens is that fear will attract even more fear until the fear becomes so big it starts to obscure the thing you mean to do. Fuck that shit. Feel the fear and fuck it anyway.

If you can be with a loved one when they die, you should. Her hands getting cold as the circulation shuts down, her breathing getting heavy, the death rattle. Bearing witness to a death is an incredibly intimate thing. You should be there, not because it’s easy – it isn’t – but because one day you’ll want someone to hold your hand. One day your mum put you down and never picked you up again.

The limits of my language are the limits of my world. — Ludwig Wittgenstein

Change is always right around the corner. It’s probably best to start thinking of it as a good thing because however comfortable and content you are right now, this too shall pass. However despairing and anxious you are right now, this too shall pass.

Failure is not falling down. Failure is falling down and not getting up again to continue life’s race. – Richard Nixon

Being offended on behalf of someone is bullshit. It’s virtue signalling and it’s condescending (condescending means patronising, like when you talk down to someone - you understand, right?).

You know what they call self‑help books in the third world? Firewood.

Do the duty nearest to thee, and thy second duty will already become clearer. – Thomas Carlyle

stressed by failure. All failure is just feedback. You look at something and think, ‘Okay, that doesn’t work, I’ll change it.’ If something doesn’t work, you change your behaviour

Have you ever been to the Parthenon in Athens? If you’ve seen a photo, it’s nice, right? The photo is nice, but the real thing is fucking amazing. That’s like you. The best photo of you is nothing like being in the room with you.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. – Philip Larkin

I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately, it strikes every morning at 9.00 sharp. — Somerset Maugham