Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly

I know fear keeps us alive, but I also know that fear keeps us from living.

It’s the things we don’t do that tend to haunt us long-term—such as choosing not to take a new job, not to pursue a relationship, not to stand up for ourselves, or not to push beyond our comfort zones. We tend to remember the things in life we had the chance to do, but didn’t—an opportunity lost, a promise unfulfilled.

Over-the-top denials are intended to be so emphatic and dramatic as to eliminate any trace of doubt from your mind. But remember, the truth is simple. When someone tells the truth, they tend to tell it directly and matter-of-factly.

Because, without being told, they already knew that when it seems like the world is ending, being willing to help others is the antidote to fear. And that is the first step toward becoming bulletproof.

Fear is like fire, if you extinguish it while it's small, it won't become an inferno.

You have power in how you react to setbacks, and being able to move on is a skill worth cultivating.

Rigid people are the most dangerous people. Because they don't know how to adapt, they become tethered to the one narrative they have created in their minds. They become unable to pivot so when life delivers a blow, it's almost impossible for them to recover.

become a counter-predator willing to defend yourself against anyone who tries to overpower you.

Knowing how to notice and navigate the self-editing process is the difference between trying or not, achieving or not. The first “No” you hear should never come from you.

Competition is what motivates us, but it’s how we compete that drives us to become better—or unhinged.

We become so paralyzed by our inability to take action or even make intelligent decisions that we don’t effectively do anything

To him who is in fear, everything rustles. —SOPHOCLES

If I don’t respond, will there be negative repercussions? Are they trying to make their problem my problem? Am I being baited into an argument? Is this distracting me from more important tasks? Sometimes the unnecessary stress in our life is our own doing, because we intentionally engage with the people or situations creating it. Although we often don’t mean to, we find ourselves instinctually catching the ball out of habit or obligation or because of our history with that person (ex-spouse, childhood friend, overbearing parent). You may not be able to control what another person says or does, but you can always control your response, or lack thereof, to it. If you don’t like drama, then don’t invite it in.

I rushed through the patio of an abandoned Au Bon Pain restaurant and paused just long enough to take hold of one of the metal tables crowding the patio space. One thing you learn in explosives training with the Secret Service is that glass can kill you just as easily as bullets can.

I wasn't unstoppable, but I was harder to stop.

What makes us the best? I tend to think it's the struggle. It's the choice to face a challenge head-on instead of turning our backs to it. It isn't solely about physical strength or bravado. It's about endurance. And by this, I mean mental endurance- the ability to endure whatever life throws at you, to keep going no matter how hard it gets.

Of course, there will be certain times when you have to respond. When it directly relates to a relevant issue, then by all means reply, just do so from a place of logic. Focus on the issue at hand, be methodical in the words you choose, and condense your communication to the bare minimum, when appropriate. Politicians are brilliant at this. If they don’t like a question or don’t want to answer, they don’t. Or if they do, they’ll respond in a way that sidesteps the question. Over the many years of holding post in front of the dais, I’ve heard firsthand presidents and First Ladies asked the most ridiculous or inappropriate things. Do they respond? Nope! At least not in the way the questioner was hoping they would. This is the true essence of not catching the ball. If you ever find yourself struggling to identify whether or not you need to respond, either in person, or via phone, text, or email, ask yourself these questions: Is this a true emergency that requires my immediate attention? Is this a relevant issue that I must respond to? Is this something I can ignore? Is my response going to invite unnecessary drama?

Don’t Catch the Ball Throughout your life, you’re going to cross paths with a lot of people eager to goad you into conflict or confrontation. There will be times when, despite your best efforts, you may find yourself getting baited into an argument, pulled into a game, or sucked into an agenda. And since we can’t always avoid these hot zones, we need to have strategies in place to handle them. This section is about managing those specific situations; the daily annoyances and problems that arise at work, school, or with our family and friends. Despite Newton’s theory, not every action needs a reaction. Just because someone is demanding your attention doesn’t mean you

have to give it, especially if that engagement seems emotionally charged. When you decide not to dignify an irrational communication with a response, it’s about preserving your personal dignity and mental clarity. Just because someone throws the ball doesn’t mean you have to catch it. Think of it this way: How would you feel if you sent someone an emotionally charged email but never received a response? You’d initially be confused. First, you’d double-check your Sent folder to make sure it went through. Then you’d start obsessing over the audible “ding” of your incoming messages, thinking it might be their response. Finally, you’d begin wondering if they even got your electronic tirade, somehow found a way to block your emails, or what else they might be doing that was more important than sending you a reply. In the end, you’d feel embarrassed, your pride deflated, and the fire you had to engage in keyboard karate would burn out. That’s the power of not reacting. When faced with a situation in which you’re being provoked, take a moment to let your emotions pass, and then ask yourself, “Do I really need to respond?” Assess the situation from a logical vantage point—rather than an emotional one—and base your decisions on what will ultimately benefit you in the long run. This mental strategy, however, isn’t solely for dealing with insults or slander. It’s just as effective when trying to handle people who constantly want your time and attention. Sometimes you simply don’t have it to give. Or giving it will distract you from things that are more important. When it comes to time allocation, it’s good to separate the signals from the noise. If everything in your life is important, then nothing is.

The path I walked was difficult at times and I faced many adversities along the way. But over the course of my career, I learned that I couldn’t force others to respect me or see me as their equal. Once I came to accept that, I no longer allowed other people’s opinion of me to determine my self-worth, my demeanor, or my performance. I achieved what I wanted to in the way that I wanted to do it, and then I let the results speak for themselves.

Becoming bulletproof is becoming present. Situational awareness is more important to your personal protection than learning how to handle yourself in a fight.

Instead, I began to live minute by minute. Hour by hour. I focused on the present. I harnessed my fear of quitting, of the regret I would feel if I didn't give it my all. As my body got stronger, my mind grew tougher, more resolute and resilient.

it for those things you truly care about. Give when you can so you don’t have to give when you don’t want to.

when it seems like the world is ending, being willing to help others is the antidote to fear.

Being fearless is bullshit. It isn't possible to live without fear, and it shouldn't be necessary in order for you to live a healthy, successful life. Fear is natural, useful, and it keeps us alive.

I knew that if I gave in to my fears, something else was going to hurt even worse. Muscles recover. But regret? That shit can be painful for a lifetime. There are two types of regrets: The regrets we have after doing something and those that come from not doing something.

when it seems like the world is ending

All of the experience, knowledge, and strength already exist within you, waiting to be unleashed.

We are born with two kinds of fears hardwired into our system for survival—two fears that scientists call innate: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. Most of us have had a dream where we’re falling