Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

The problem with enemyfying is not that we never have enemies: we often face people and situations that present us with difficulties and dangers. Moreover, any effort we make to effect change in the world will create discomfort, resistance, and opposition. The real problem with enemyfying is that it distracts and unbalances us. We cannot avoid others whom we find challenging, so we need to focus simply on deciding, given these challenges, what we ourselves will do next.

For every great idea, the opposite idea is also true.

Blaming others is a common and lazy way to avoid doing our own work.

The common paths are to seek understanding through better listening,

3 Our enemyfying, which feels exciting and satisfying, even righteous and heroic, usually obscures rather than clarifies the reality of the challenges we face. It amplifies conflicts; it narrows the space for problem solving and creativity; and it distracts us, with unrealizable dreams of decisive victory, from the real work we need to do.

Human nature is such that we remember negatives better than positives.

Demagogues thrive by cultivating insecurity and demonizing certain groups.

A belief that “I am right and you are wrong” can easily slip into “I deserve to be superior and you to be inferior.

people identifying others not just as opponents to be defeated but as enemies to be destroyed.