The Descent of Man

I grew up with David Bowie, the patron saint of the boy in his bedroom who felt alienated by the male culture of his peers.

Men’s rights The right to be vulnerable The right to be weak The right to be wrong The right to be intuitive The right not to know The right to be uncertain The right to be flexible The right not to be ashamed of any of these

Men's rights The right to be vulnerable The right to be weak The right to be wrong The right to be intuitive The right not to know The right to be uncertain The right to be flexible The right not to be ashamed by any of these

We need to rebrand vulnerability and emotion. A vulnerable man is not some weird anomaly. He is open to being hurt, but also open to love.

Fulfilment of masculinity is often sold on the strength of peak experiences: winning battles, pulling women, pure adrenaline, moments of ecstasy. But life ain’t like that. We rarely, if ever, take our car (masculinity) on to a racetrack, so maybe we need a version that works doing the everyday things. We need a masculinity that’s easy to park, with a big boot, child seats and low fuel consumption. Men need to learn to equip themselves for peace.

Though there were no strong conventions, until the nineteenth century pink was certainly a very suitable color for boys.

The rise of gyms, factories of cosmetic muscle, is partly down to an increased desire to sculpt an idealised body - a body not formed by experience, but to fulfil a well-marketed visual stereotype

Because I am a transvestite, people often assume that this gives me a special insight into the opposite gender. But this is rubbish: how can I, brought up as a man, know anything about the experience of being a woman? It would be insulting to women if I thought I did. If anything, it gives me a sharper insight into what it is to be a man, since from the age of twelve I have been questioning my own masculinity.

Psychologist Carl Rogers used the word ‘congruence’ when describing this relationship between the idealized self and the real self. Congruence is when the two selves fit harmoniously, when a person’s idealized self is congruent with their actual behavior. However, the idealized self is an often unreachable version of ourselves that we and society create while the real self is the messy, imperfect inner truth. We want to be the idealized version because we believe that society will then regard us positively, so we struggle to maintain a version that does not really fit.

I sometimes watch the evening news on television and think all the world’s problems can be boiled down to one thing: the behavior of people with a Y chromosome.

We may try to numb anger, but when we do we numb joy and pleasure on the world too. This numbing does not mean we stop having the feelings, it just stops us from being aware that we are having them. Those feelings are still churning away, tensing our bodies, writing unconscious scripts for us, storing up stuff to unload on to the world, on to our kids, but preferably on to our therapists. This numbness also inhibits the ability to have good relationships as well.

Has modern man always been in crisis because his ‘instinct’ to feel superior is at odds with the central concept of the modern world post-Enlightenment, that we humans are all equal?

We should not deny males the opportunity to nurture and care, just as we should not deny females the opportunity to kill and maim in the name of Western democracy, if they fancy it.

Examining masculinity can seem like a luxury problem, a pastime for a wealthy, well-educated, peaceful society, but I would argue the opposite: the poorer, the more undeveloped, the more uneducated a society is, the more masculinity needs realigning with the modern world, because masculinity is probably holding back that society. All over the globe, crimes are committed, wars are started, women are being held back, and economies are disastrously distorted by men, because of their outdated version of masculinity.

If George Osborne had dressed up as a cross between Flashman and the Grim Reaper instead of a business suit when he delivered his budgets, perhaps we would have had a more appropriate vision of who was controlling the nation’s finances.

I think all men have this instinct to retreat into oneself to a greater or lesser degree. It is the self-sufficient hero or the lonely suicide.

Feminists and civil rights campaigners made white men visible in ways they'd never been before. They started to give the default dominant group equal 'otherness', and white men didn't like it. This feeling of visibility prompted men to adopt a victim status befitting an oppressed group. The patriarchy felt itself wobble and fall a notch nearer equality, but screamed as if it had fallen way below the groups it still oppressed.

How we talk about masculinity might be just as important, if not more so, than what we say. The very idea that there is a strict set of rules needs to be chucked away. The future of masculinity is a plethora of masculinities.

Men might need to work less on their biceps and more on their intuition.

When discussing manliness, the elephant in the room was not homophobia but perhaps a fear of appearing gay. This fear runs like an electric fence around the territory that is acceptably masculine. This is somewhat ironic, as the Department of Masculinity’s long-running propaganda campaign for Traditional Manhood may look a lot like a Village People-themed costume party.

Having a penis can be like having an illusory prize dangled in front of you. It symbolizes a historical birthright to power, respect and pride.

All of us males need to look at ourselves with a clear eye and ask what sort of men would make the world a better place, for everyone.

They seemed to have no conception of an alternative; they were locked into a ritualistic playing out of the basest masculinity. They had just the bones of it, any culture, skill, aspiration or discipline having long since boiled away. A bit like Donald Trump really.

Equality must change from feeling disruptive to feeling necessary and comforting.

Blue jeans are perhaps the most ubiquitous carrier of working-man symbolism. Presently I struggle with denim. It will be a while before the aroma of Jeremy Clarkson and a host of ageing ‘rebels’ has dissipated from the artefact.

Revolutions that really effect lasting change happen thoughtfully in peacetime.

Many aspects of masculinity seem such a blight on society that to say it is 'in crisis' is like saying racism was 'in crisis' in civil-rights-era America.

I can see the need for a new male archetype, but is he sexy and thrilling? He’s practical, convenient, like a washing machine. Men need a vision of masculinity that is not just predicated on the thrilling highlights of an outdated romantic narrative – it needs to celebrate the true everyday happiness that comes from stable intimate relationships and a meaningful role in the here and now. I have no unconscious emotion churning away when I think of new man. He seems like a good idea but a tough sell – like trying to sell a car on the strength of how nice it is, when you’re stuck in a traffic jam.

ISIS is not breeding killers, it is just appealing to disaffected young men seeking a place where their anger, alienation and ideals of manhood seem to fit.

Digital natives and millennials seem more at ease with gender fluidity. In the last year or two, we have seen high-profile moves towards trans awareness and acceptance. Young men, particularly well-educated, metropolitan guys, seem a lot less afraid of appearing gay. Maybe the Department of Masculinity is losing its grip. Like those once unassailable high-street chains which suddenly go bust, maybe the Department will one day reach a tipping point where no one will buy its wares any more. As with many real stores, maybe the Internet is helping to break the Department’s monopoly. Young men are shopping around for alternative visions of the masculine role that fit how they feel. In the future, I hope young men can easily adopt a plurality of masculinities as easily as shopping for a coat.