The Dice Man

Give up all hope, all illusion, all desire..I've tried. I've tried and still I desire, I still desire not to desire and hope to be without hope and have the illusion I can be without illusions..Give up, I say. Give up everything, including the desire to be saved.

Why did children seem to be so often spontaneous, joy-filled and concentrated while adults seemed controlled, anxiety-filled and diffused? It was the Goddam sense of having a self.

I hated myself and the world because I had failed to face and accept the limitations of my self and of life. In literature this refusal is called romanticism; in psychology, neurosis.

We got married: society's solution to loneliness, lust and laundry.

It's the way a man chooses to limit himself that determines his character. A man without habits, consistency, redundancy - and hence boredom - is not human. He's insane.

But we must come to realise that every word is perfect, including those we scratch out. As my pen moves across this page the whole world writes. All of human history combines at this mere moment now to produce in the flow of this hand a single dot: Who are you and I, dear friends, to contradict the whole past of the universe? Let us then in our wisdom say yes to the flow of the pen.

Patterns are prostitution to the patter of parents.

Tell me the manner in which a patient commits suicide and I'll tell you how he can be cured

New places and new roles forced me into acute awareness of how others were responding to me. When a human is being himself, flowing with his inner nature, wearing his natural appropriate masks, integrated with his environment, he is normally unaware of subtleties in another's behavior. Only if the other person breaks a conventional pattern is awareness stimulated. However, breaking my established patterns was threatening to my deeply ingrained selves and pricked me to a lvel of consciousness which is unusual, unusual since the whole instinct of human behavior is to find environments congenial to the relaxation of consciousness. By creating problems for myself I created thought.

To change man, the audience by which he judges himself must be changed. A man is defined by his audience: by the people, institutions, authors, magazines, movie heroes, philosophers by whom he pictures himself being cheered and booed.

I shared my office on 57th Street with Dr Jacob Ecstein, young (thirty-three), dynamic (two books published), intelligent (he and I usually agreed), personable (everyone liked him), unattractive (no one loved him), anal (he plays the stock market compulsively), oral (he smokes heavily), non-genital (doesn’t seem to notice women), and Jewish (he knows two Yiddish slang words). Our mutual secretary was a Miss Reingold. Mary Jane Reingold, old (thirty-six), undynamic (she worked for us), unintelligent (she prefers Ecstein to me), personable (everyone felt sorry for her), unattractive (tall, skinny, glasses, no one loved her), anal (obsessively neat), oral (always eating), genital (trying hard), and non-Jewish (finds use of two Yiddish slang words very intellectual). Miss Reingold greeted me efficiently.

Man must become comfortable in flowing from one role to another, one set of values to another, one life to another. Men must be free from boundaries, patterns and consistencies in order to be free to think, feel and create in new ways. Men have admired Prometheus and Mars too long; our God must become Proteus.

Everything may evaporate at any instant. Everything!’ I said with surprising vehemence. ‘You, me, the most rocklike personality since Calving Coolidge; death, destruction, despair may strike. To live your life assuming otherwise is insanity.

Mis colegas, incluso yo mismo, susurrando con timidez desde nuestros divanes, estábamos de acuerdo en que mi problema era del todo normal: odiaba al mundo y a mí mismo porque había fallado al tratar de afrontar y aceptar mis propias limitaciones y las de la vida. En literatura, este rechazo se llama romanticismo; en psicología, neurosis. La consecuencia de todo esto es que el único e inevitable camino parece ser una vida limitada y aburrida. Empezaba a aceptarlo, después de varios meses de recrearme en la depresión (me había procurado furtivamente un revólver del calibre 38 y nueve balas), cuando llegué a las costas del zen.

You’re a classic case of Horney’s: the man who comforts himself not with what he achieves, but with what he dreams of achieving.

I am born anew at each green fall of the die, and by die-ing I eliminate my since. The past - paste, pus, piss - is all only illusory events created by a stone mask to justify an illusory stagnant present.

One desire, my friends, one: to kill yourself. You must desire this. You must feel that a voyage of discovery is more important than all the little trips which the normal consumer self wants to buy.

Love is one of society's many socially accepted forms of madness.

From children to men we cage ourselves in patterns to avoid facing new problems and possible failure; after a while men become bored because there are no new problems. Such is life under the fear of failure.

Life is islands of ecstasy in an ocean of ennui, and after the age of thirty land is seldom seen.

Understand yourself, accept yourself, but do not be yourself.

Whenever I look at the Western psychotherapies of the last hundred years,’ Dr Rhinehart went on, ‘it seems to me incredible that no one acknowledges the almost total failure of these therapies to cure human unhappiness. As Dr Raymond Felt has observed: “The ratio of spontaneous remission of symptoms and the rate of supposed ‘cures’ by the psychotherapies of the various schools has remained essentially the same throughout the twentieth century.

The exciting isolation of leaning against the wind on the highway hitchhiking, waiting for someone to stop and offer me a lift, perhaps to a town three miles down the road, perhaps to new friendship, perhaps to death.

Every man’s personal proverb about himself is: “Whatever is, is right, in the best of all possible people.” The

Indecisive? Uncertain? Worried? Let the rolling ivory tumble your burdens away. $2.50 per pair.

With determination and dice, I am God.

Like the turtle's shell, the sense of self serves as a shield against stimulation and as a burden which limits mobility into possibly dangerous areas. The turtle rarely has to think about what's on the other side of his shell; whatever it is, it can't hurt him, can't even touch him. So, too, adults insist on the shell of a consistent self for themselves and their children and appreciate turtles for friends; they wish to be protected from being hurt or touched or confused or having to think. If a man can rely on consistency, he can afford not to notice people after the first few times. But I imagined a world in which each individual might be about to play the lover, the benefactor, the sponger, the attacker, the friend: and once known as one of the next day he might yet be anything. Would we pay attention to this person? Would life be boring? Would life be livable? I saw then clearly for the first time that the fear of failure keeps us huddled in the cave of self - a group of behavior patterns we have mastered and have no intention of risking failure by abandoning.

À partir de là, le dialogue de la journée suivait une pente uniformément descendante, mais avec des lèvres et des mains chaleureuses et languides flottant sur les surface les plus sensibles du corps, le monde était aussi près que possible de la perfection. Freud appelait cela un état de perversité polymorphe impersonnel et le regardait d'un mauvais oeil, mais je doute fort qu'il ait jamais eu les mains de Lil lui frôlant le corps. Ou même celles de sa propre femme dans le même rôle. Freud était un bien grand homme, mais je n'arrive pas à me faire à l'idée que quelqu'un lui ait jamais efficacement flatté le pénis.

Psychoanalysis seemed an expensive, slow working, unreliable tranquilizer. If LSD were really to do what Alpert and Leary claimed for it, all psychiatrists would be out of a job overnight.