“I can't promise not to make you mad. I can't promise that I won't hurt you. All I can promise is that I want you in my life, and I'll do anything to keep you there.”
“I had to leave my debit card at home when I went into a bookstore or else I would drain my account.”
“Why do you think Beauty picked the Beast? It was the library.”
“Love is simple. You fall and that's it. You'll work the other stuff out. You just gotta let yourself fall and have faith that someone will be there to catch you.”
“I love you, Missy girl. Even if I can't be with you, know that I'm here. So, that's it. More than the stars, Taylor. More than the stars.”
“I don't like you. I don't like how your hair smells, and how I can't stop thinking about waking up and seeing your face. I hate how my bed felt empty when you left. I don't like how good you were with my family, especially Harper, and how I wanted ot see you with them again, but not just as a guest. As a member. You're right. I don't like you at all.”
“Whoa, there. Calm down." "Don't tell me what to do." "Okay, fine. Freak out.”
“It's none of his business."
"You are my business. I made you my business. I want you to be my business.”
“Loving you was the best mistake I ever made”
“I want you. Right now. If you said yes, I would kiss you. I would kiss you until we both forgot that lips were made for anything other than kissing. I'd take you out of that outfit, as cute as it is. I want to see what you look like with nothing on. I want to make you sigh like you did with the cake. I want to be with you. Right now.”
“There must be a mistake," I said.
He adjusted his bag on his shoulder. "That's a creative name. What do you shorten it to? Missy?”
“We were both broken, trying to become unbroken. Maybe we just needed a little help. Not to fix each other, but to help us fix ourselves.”
“That's what they all say. Everyone says they want to know you, but they don't. They want to know the nice things, the pretty things. No one wants to know the ugly parts, the parts that keep you up at night. They say they're okay with it, but then they drift away and you never see them again. I've seen it happen way too many times.”
“I've never eaten here so I don't know what's good. Peanut butter and jelly is always good. You can't screw that up. Peanut butter and jelly has always been there for me and is one of the constants in my life. Peanut butter and jelly has never done me wrong. It's my favorite."
"Should I leave you two alone when it gets here? Sounds like you don't need me.”
“I'd rather be your loser than some other girl's winner.”
“Hunter kissed me as if he was going to hell, and he had this one kiss left and he was going to make the most of it.”
“It's not your job to save me...but I want you around.”
“I saw Hunter when I woke up. I saw Hunter as I ate a bowl of cereal. I saw him in human sexuality, where he seemed to be trying to break a record for most innuendos in one hour. I saw him at work where he assaulted my email. I saw him every night at dinner. I saw him go to and from the bathroom. I saw him at our stupid meditations, where were as pointless as socks with sandals.
I. Saw. Him. EVERYWHERE.”
“I'm going to take a shower," I said and prepared for the comment I knew was coming.
"You know what they say, conserve water and shower with a friend.”
“I nearly had a cakegasm at the table. My eyes rolled back in my head, and I moaned.
"Sweet Christ." I opened my eyes to find Hunter watching me with the strangest expression on his face.
"What? It's really good; you should try some," I said, pushing the plate at him. It was a testament of how embarrassed I was about the cakegasm that I was even sharing at all.
"I swear, if there weren't a table between us, I would be kissing you right now. And none too gently."
I put my form down and swallowed so I wouldn't choke. "You didn't seem to mind about the recliner," I said.
"True. But there wan't an audience, and that's a very ugly recliner. This is a very nice table. Also there is glass and sharp things I wouldn't want hurting you."
"Good point. Please, have some."
"If you're going to make that noise and that face again, I don't know if I can let you have any more."
"I'll be good. I swear."
"You're not good. That's the problem."
"You're right. I'm not," I said, giving him my own smirk. "I do try, though."
"Cruel. That's the word to describe you right now."
"Just have some cake.”
“Just to let you know, I talk in my sleep." He shifted on his bed and chucked something on the floor. It could only be one thing. "Also, I sleep naked.”
“Are you saying I'm not a badass? Then all these tattoos were for nothing. What shall I do?”
“Good. Because we could be amazing. You and me.”
“Love is simple. You fall and that's it. You'll work the other stuff out. You just gotta let yourself fall and have faith that someone will be there to catch you."
I didn't want to do any falling. Falling usually led to meeting a hard surface in an unpleasant way.”
“So what now?" he said.
"What do you mean?"
"What do we do now? We can't just be roommates."
"You said you didn't like me."
"I don't like you. I don't like how your hair smells, and how I can't stop thinking about waking up and seeing your face. I hate how my bed felt empty when you left. I don't like how good you were with my family, especially Harper, and how I wanted to see you with then again, but not just as a guest. As a member. You're right. I don't like you at all."
"When did you change your mind?"
"My mind never changed. I've wanted you since the moment you opened the door and had that stunned look on your face. It just took me a while to admit it. Why deny it now? It is what it is and it's not going to change."
"Oh."
"This doesn't mean I'm going to be nice. I'm still going to be an ass. I'll just be an ass who apologizes and brings you flowers to say he's been a dick."
"Chocolate," I said.
"What?"
"I'd rather have chocolate when you apologize."
"Chocolate it is." He smiled. "So does that mean what I think it means?"
"No. It just means that you get to bring me chocolate when you've been an ass. I'm going to weigh three hundred pounds." I focused my attention back on the peppers. I couldn't think about Hunter's declaration of... whatever it was.
Footsteps didn't make me look up.
"Taylor, look at me. Please." Damn. If only he didn't say please. "I can't promise to not make you mad. I can't promise that I won't hurt you. All I can promise is that I want you in my life, and I'll do anything to keep you there.”
“You're not just doing that to impress her, are you?"
"Everything I do is to impress her. It's my mission in life," he said with a completely serious face, while he squeezed my knee under the table.
Mom burst out laughing. "I like him," she said.
"Me too. I think I'll keep him," I said, taking his hand and twisting my fingers with his.
"Good," he said, giving my hand a squeeze.”
“Hunter, i'm a virgin. Not a nun." He didn't talk for a moment. "That was the sexiest thing you've ever said. God, why do you do this to me?”
“You only play Pistol Annies when you're pissed, usually at me. I know your fake laugh from your real one. You have a great laugh, by the way. I know which shirts are your favorites, because they're the first ones you wear after you've done your laundry. You lick your bottom lip when you're trying to concentrate on your textbook reading. You cry during those commercials with the absurd animals when you think no one is looking. No, I don't know you at all.”
“Hell, Yeah. What girl doesn't want a guy who isn't ashamed to say he wants her? Everyone wants to be wanted.”
“Well, goodnight. Feel free to dream about me naked and scream all you want. I’ll sleep right through it.”
“Feigning stupidity was one of my specialties. If stupidity were theoretical physics, then I would be Albert Einstein.”
“We could speak about the meaning of life vis-a-vis non-consequential/deontological theories, apodictic transformation schemata, the incoherence of exemplification, metaphysical realism, Cartesian interactive dualism, revised non reductive dualism, postmodernist grammatology and dicey dichotomies. But we would still be left with Nietzsche's preposterous mustache which instills great anguish and skepticism in the brain, which leads (as it did in his case) to utter madness. I suggest we go to Paris instead. ”
“Oh, but it is bleak!” she murmured. “Suppose we should have to stay here all next winter, too,… and the next! What will become of me, Niel?” There was fear, unmistakable fright in her voice. “You see there is nothing for me to do. I get no exercise. I don’t skate; we didn’t in California, and my ankles are weak. I’ve always danced in the winter, there’s plenty of dancing at Colorado Springs. You wouldn’t believe how I miss it. I shall dance till I’m eighty.… I’ll be the waltzing grandmother! It’s good for me, I need it.” They”
“Just because you have blue hair and fucked-up clothes doesn’t mean you’re better than everyone
else. Because you know what? You’re just conforming to someone else’s code. Even though you don’t
wear khakis or sweaters or whatever, but to me all you guys look the same. You think you’re so
individualistic, but you’re not. You guys—you and Kim and all the rest—you’re like anti-snob snobs.
But you’re just as mean as the preppy kids. You’re all just as fucking lame.”
“What was the payoff? It obviously kept me in my cozy zone of being in control, being a good mother, with a good daughter. Most of all, I realize, is that it allowed me to maintain the lie that she was healed, that Nick hadn't permanently damaged her, that I'd truly saved her. Because if I did, if there was no lasting residue of him, it meant that the denial that kept me in the marriage long enough for him to hurt her didn't help create the situation she's in now.
The person who I worked hardest to keep safe seems to have been me.”
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