“When a woman tells you to 'Go ahead,' you do not, under any circumstances go ahead. You retreat to a safe distance and observe the situation very carefully. She is daring you to do something, not giving you permission.”
“The first word is 'Fine'. When a woman says this during an argument, she knows she is right and that you are very wrong. She is not fine - you're not fine, nothing is fine."
I snorted because that was true.
Alec frowned. "But what about if she is wrong-"
"Alec, stop. Do not talk back when she says something is fine, wait until she is calm to mention she might be wrong.”
“The third word is 'Whatever'. This is another way for ladies to say fuck you.”
“Second word is 'Nothing'. By the might of God Alec, when a woman says nothing is wrong, something is definitely fucking wrong.”
“The fourth is a sentence. When a woman says 'It's okay, don't worry about it,' you do worry about it. You worry a lot because she is thinking of a way to make you pay for whatever you did wrong.”
“Weak people seek revenge, strong people forgive, and intelligent people ignore. Which one are you?”
“I want a new liver to replace my heart."
"Um, why?"
"Because then I could drink more and care less.”
“Sorry, I can't help it."
"Oh, so your middle finger has a mind of its own then?" Alex asked with an amused look.
I glared at him and said, "Yeah, and she was just sticking up for me.”
“No, and I don't like mornin' people... or mornin's... or people."
"Wow, I'm a lucky guy to have you, baby."
Sarcastic pig!”
“Alec raised his eyebrows and looked very confused. "Wait. They don't mean it's okay, and that I don’t have to worry about it? Why would they say that if they don't mean it?" Nico shrugged. "I think it's some sort of mind trick. They use that sentence as an illusion that things between you are okay, but when you least expect it, they will strike like a cobra and wound your soul.”
“God promised men that obedient women would be found on all corners of the Earth. I've been all over the Earth, and I call bullshit on that!" Alec snapped as he glared directly at me.
I snorted. "I hate to burst your bubble, but God also made the Earth round, he's got jokes."
Alec paused and glanced and me then to the sky. "Well played man, well played.”
“Hey, you arrived safely?" Aideen asked when she answered.
I grinned. "No, we died. I'm callin' to tell you that you get to keep Storm forever now that I'm dead.”
“Thanks baby, but I won't be sharing you with another man or woman. You're mine and I don't share. Ever." My pulse spiked. "I like that,”
“If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a stupid question.”
“Alec. She is a good girl!" Clients? What the hell did that mean? Alec grinned at Aideen before he flicked his eyes to me. "Oh, I'm bettin' there is a bad girl deep inside her somewhere. I'll just have to use my fingers, mouth, and cock to bring her out to play.”
“I'm finding myself highly attracted to you right now. Would you like to come home with me since you're already dressed for bed?”
“Hold up, buddy. A contract? Is this conversation about to get Fifty Shades of Grey?”
“I was about to ask Alec how he was getting on with the dealf when I heard him singing. The fucker was not only good looking, but he could sing and sing really well. His choice of song caused my eyes to roll though.
"Sex bomb, sex bomb, I'm a sex bomb-"
"You're a sex bomb!" I corrected the lyric cutting him off as I went into the bathroom.”
“Yeah, because I feel very fucking lucky right now sleeping next to Edward Scissor Feet.”
“Who the hell do you think you are?" I snapped.
He grinned and gave me a wink as he said, "Alec Slater, your next - or only - great fuck."
Was he for real?
"You're about to be Alec Slater - murder victim - if you don't shut that hole in your face!”
“You convinced me that you're a good kisser, that doesn't mean you like me."
"I'm here pretending to be your boyfriend with the possibility of getting zero benefits from you. Trust me kitten, I like you. I like you a whole lottle, remember?”
“A few moments passed by until I heard a door open, a few light footsteps then a whisper,"If she has blonde hair, a mole on her left cheek and huge tits, close the door right fucking now.”
“Roses are read, violets are blue; I'm using my hand, but I'm thinking of you.”
“I looked to the sitting room then and gaped at Alec's body lying across my sofa making it look smaller than it was. He was reading something.
A book.
"What are you readin'?" I curiously asked.
"That porn book we were talking about earlier at my house. This dude is my God! He just fucked this Ana chick while she was on her period."
"Stop it!" I screeched. "Stop readin' and put the bloody book down!"
He was reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
I was both horrified and mortified.
Alec got up from the sofa, placed the book on the coffee table and turned in my direction.
"Why are you blushing?"
Him noticing my embarrassment only caused my already red cheeks to heat up even more.
"Oh damn, your cheeks are so flushed," Alec said and took a step towards me.”
“I like my money, and if you mess with it, I fuck with you."
I raised my eyebrow. "You want to fuck with Alec?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant."
"But you said you-"
"I know what I said you smartass,”
“Aideen grinned. "That's why God invented push up bras."
I gave her a get-real look. "God didn't create push up bras, man did."
Aideen shrugged. "True, but God planted the idea in man's mind. Put it on.”
“I felt Alec's glare so I turned to look at him and smiled when I found him all but drilling holes into me with his eyes.
"If looks could kill, I'd be dead," I joked.
"My pretty eyes won't harm you, don't worry."
Conceited much?
"Did you just call your own eyes pretty?"
Alec devilishly grinned then and it made me slightly uneasy.
"No, you said I have pretty eyes."
Was he high?
"Are you in your right mind? I have never said you have pretty eyes-"
"Yes, you have. Right before you fell asleep. You said I have pretty eyes."
I felt my face heat up.
It was the shite he gave me to knock me out that said that, not me!
"Did I say anythin' else?" I murmured.
Alec leaned in close to me and whispered is a slow, seductive voice, "You said you like my voice, my abs, and my ass."
I audibly gasped. "I did not!"
Alec snickered. "You did."
I was mortified, absolutely mortified!
"I hate you right now.”
“I sat back and stared down at Alec's goods.
"What the fuck? That is a forearm not a fucking cock!”
“Oh, I'm bettin' there is a bad girl deep inside her somewhere. I'll just have to use my fingers, mouth, and cock to bring her out to play.”
“I do what the voices in my underwear tell me to do."
Wait, what?
"You mean the voices in your head?"
Alec smirked. "Yeah, the voices in my head."
I furrowed my eyebrows together and stared at him.
Why was he smirking at me?
He was confusing me.
Wait.
Voices in his underwear.
In his head.
The head in his underwear.
I gasped. "You dirty bastard!”
“Darth Maultini, please.” They stopped and stared. “A what?” He shot them a suffering expression. “One ounce sweet vermouth, one ounce vodka, one ounce whiskey, two ounces pomegranate cherry, and two lemon wedges cut up and spread around the glass.”
“You’re a new creation. Your sins are forgiven. Why carry a burden Christ died to relieve you of?”
“Marcus, ¿sabe cuál es el único modo de medir cuánto se ama a alguien?
-No.
-Perdiendo a esa persona”
“In fact the original memory of Miss Blaides returned to me one morning when I was sitting in my cream distempered, strip-lighted, bare, sanitary, glaring, forlorn little cell at the Studio. In that place it was possible to know deep despondency.”
“I want you to be wise for your own sake, Stephen, because at the best life requires great wisdom. I want you to learn to make friends of your books; someday you may need them, because – ’ He hesitated, ‘because you mayn’t find life at all easy, we none of us do, and books are good friends.”
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