The Sound of Things Falling

There is no more disastrous mania, no more dangerous whim, than the speculation over roads not taken.

Adulthood brings with it the pernicious illusion of control, and perhaps even depends on it. I mean that mirage of dominion over our own life that allows us to feel like adults, for we associate maturity with autonomy, the sovereign right to determine what is going to happen to us next. Disillusion comes sooner or later, but it always comes, it doesn’t miss an appointment, it never has.

Experience, or what we call experience, is not the inventory of our pains, but rather the learned sympathy towards the pain of others.

The saddest thing that can happen to a person is to find out their memories are lies.

Now that so many years have passed, now that I remember with the benefit of an understanding I didn't then have, I think of that conversation and it seems implausible that its importance didn't hit me in the face. (And I tell myself at the same time that we're terrible judges of the present moment, maybe because the present doesn't actually exist: all is memory, this sentence that I just wrote is already a memory, this word is a memory that you, reader, just read).

In the darkness of the bedroom I thought of that, although thinking in the darkness is not advisable: things seem bigger or more serious in the darkness, illnesses more destructive, the presence of evil closer, indifference more intense, solitude more profound.

Remembering tires a person out. this is something they don't teach us. Exercising one's memory is an exhausting activity. It draws our energy and wears down our muscles.

So you fell out of the sky, too?" the Little Prince asked the pilot who tells the story, and I thought yes, I'd fallen out of the sky, too, but there was no possible testimony of my fall, there was no black box that anybody could consult, nor was there any black box of Ricardo Laverde's fall, human lives don't have these technological luxuries to fall back on.

...the nostalgia for things that weren't yet lost.

they talked of intentions and projects, convinced, as only new lovers can be, that saying what you wanted was the same as saying who you are.

the kind of sadness we tolerate because it appears at happy moments

her face was like a party that everyone had left.

No hay manía más funesta, ni capricho más peligroso, que la especulación o la conjetura sobre los caminos que no tomamos.

The I realized no one wants to hear heroic stories, but everyone likes to be told about someone else's misery.

I was also surprised by the alacrity and dedication we devote to the damaging exercise of remembering, which after all brings nothing good and serves only to hinder our normal functioning, like those bags of sand athletes tie around their calves for training.

La edad adulta trae consigo la ilusión perniciosa del control, y acaso depende de ella. Quiero decir que es ese espejismo de dominio sobre nuestra propia vida lo que nos permite sentirnos adultos, pues asociamos la adultez con la autonomía, el soberano derecho a determinar lo que va a sucedernos enseguida. El desengaño viene más pronto o más tarde, pero viene siempre, no falta a la cita, nunca lo ha hecho. Cuando llega lo recibimos sin demasiada sorpresa, pues nadie que viva lo suficiente puede sorprenderse de que su biografía haya sido moldeada por eventos lejanos, por voluntades ajenas, con poca o ninguna participación de sus propias decisiones. Esos largos procesos que acabarán por toparse con nuestra vida -a veces para darle el empujón que necesitaba, a veces para hacer estallar en pedazos nuestros planes más espléndidos- suelen estar ocultos como corrientes subterráneas, como meticulosos desplazamientos de las capas tectónicas, y cuando por fin se da el terremoto invocamos las palabras que hemos aprendido a usar para tranquilizarnos, ACCIDENTE, CASUALIDAD, a veces DESTINO.

eso fue lo que me pasó: que estaba sola, me había quedado sola, ya no había nadie entre mi muerte y yo. Ser huérfano es eso: no hay nadie por delante, uno es el siguiente en la línea.

La experiencia, eso que llamamos experiencia, no es el inventario de nuestros dolores, sino la simpatía aprendida hacia los dolores ajenos.

(Y me digo al mismo tiempo que somos pésimos jueces del momento presente, tal vez porque el presente no existe en realidad: todo es recuerdo, esta frase que acabo de escribir ya es recuerdo, es recuerdo esta palabra que usted, lector, acaba de leer.)

And I tell myself at the same time that we're terrible judges of the present moment, maybe because the present doesn't actually exist: all is memory, this sentence that I just wrote is already a memory, this word is a memory that you, reader, just read.

Es el ruido de las cosas al caer desde la altura, un ruido interrumpido y por lo mismo eterno, un ruido que no termina nunca, que sigue sonando en mi cabeza desde esa tarde y no da señales de querer irse, que está para siempre suspendido en mi memoria, colgado en ella como una toalla de su percha.

I read somewhere that a man should tell the story of his life at the age of forty, and this deadline is fast approaching as I write these lines, only a few short weeks remain before this ominous birthday arrives.

Ahora mismo hay una cadena de circunstancias, de errores culpables o de afortunadas decisiones, cuyas consecuencias me esperan a la vuelta de la esquina; y aunque lo sepa, aunque tenga la incómoda certeza de que esas cosas están pasando y me afectarán, no hay manera de que pueda anticiparme a ellas. Lidiar con sus efectos es todo lo que puedo hacer: reparar los daños, sacar el mayor provecho de los beneficios. Lo sabemos, lo sabemos bien; y sin embargo siempre da algo de pavor cuando alguien nos revela esa cadena que nos ha convertido en lo que somos,