A Match Made in High School

I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is.' 'I would,' I said, 'but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, you just can’t tell who you’re going to end up with. You might spend your whole life dreaming about one type of person, only to find happiness with somebody completely different. Someone you figured you had nothing in common with just might turn out to be your dream guy. And you know he’s your dream guy because you become a better person. He brings out all these great things in you that you never knew or believed were there. And if you’re really lucky you do the same for him. It makes it even more incredible that people find each other, considering most of them are looking in the wrong places to begin with.

We were in such good moods, we even decided to hit Todd's house for candy. Sam rang the doorbell, and when it opened, this hideous, rubber monster face roared at us. Sam screamed. Todd started laughing and took off the mask. I yelled, "Put it back on! Put it back on! Your hideousness is terrifying!" Todd did a fake yuk-yuk-yuk at my joke. "What are you guys supposed to be? Is it Prom Night Massacre or something?" Sam sighed at Todd's obvious stupidity. "We're zombie princesses, Todd. Can't you tell?" She stuck her arms straight out in front of her and said, "BRAINS! BRAINS!" I patted Sam on the head and said, "Sorry, Sam. You're wasting your time with this one.

You know, if you're going to stalk someone, you should be less obvious. For starters, try not to standing in the middle of a field, gawking at your prey.

Amanda doesn't hate you. She's jealous of you." "What? Todd listen. Drugs are bad, buddy. You shouldn't do them first thing in the morning. Wait until after lunch at least.

So I wonder if true love is more subtle. If it sneaks up or stands there next to you, and you don't recognize that it's true love until you turn and look at tis thing that's been right there with you all along, and you realize that you never want to be without it.

I couldn't exactly blame Jane Austen for being a romantic. What the hell else was there to do back then for fun?

It makes it even more incredible that people find each other, considering most of them are looking in the wrong places to begin with.

If I was Todd's wife in real life, I'd have to kill myself. Okay, maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. I wouldn't kill myself. But I'd definitely turn lesbian, at the very least.

Rhythm? Not only do I have to defy gravity. I have to have rhythm while I do it?

You're not gay, are you? What?! I mean you've never had a boyfriend. And you're not exactly...girly. I'm not gay. I'm just unpopular.

I'm serious, Mar, I don't know how to act around him now. I can't be nice, because he'll hate that. But I can't be mean just to be nice." "You really need medication." "I'm in a quandary. A Catch-22. I'm screwed.

It's not fair to spend so much time working towards something, only to have someone else's lapse in judgment, poor choice, one mistake, destroy it all.

I"d done more apologizing in the past week than a politician with a crack pipe and a sex addiction.

Your neck smells like cheese,' I said. 'Oh,' He said, 'that's my cheese cologne. I have a whole selection. Chedder, American, Swiss.

I jumped up and "casually" strolled a bit closer. I blinked my eyes in the sun. It couldn't be, could it? But it was. Gabe. ... "You know, if you're going to stalk someone, you should be less obvious." I wheeled around. It was Todd. He'd snuck up on me. He said, "For starters, try not to standing in the middle of a field, gawking at your prey." I kicked at a dusty clump of grass. "Gawking? I... I'm... not gawking. I was just watching your girlfired putting the moves on someone else. Jealous?" "Oh Gabe Webber?" Todd laughed. "Uh...no." I shielded my eyes from the sun. "Why? What's wrong with Gabe Webber?" "Nothing. As in, there's nothing there. He has the personality of dry toast." How dare he insult my Gabe? "Oh yes. I forgot. You prefer the company of assholes and jerks. As they say, 'Birds of a feather...'" "That must be why you hang around.

It's refreshing to see you using your psychology skills for evil as well as for good.

Around here news travels faster than mono, and by the end of the day, the whole school had heard about Todd's and my standoff with Principal Miller and Maggie Klein. By the time the story circulated and came back around to me, I had apparently bitch-slapped Maggie Klein and then tongued Todd in front of Principal Miller. Oh, and Mom was a former showgirl in an all-gay revue.

Now, I want you to look at each other. Really look. And then I'd like you to each say something positive about the other person." "Now Todd, you go first." Todd eye balled me up and down."She appears to have all her teeth". "OOh, good one,Todd," I cooed,then turned to maggie and smiled sweetly. " And Todd smells very little like a pile of goat crap.

You can't tell who you're going to end up with. You might spend your whole life dreaming about one type of person, only to find happiness with somebody completely different.

So he likes being mean to you," she said. "And you like that he likes being mean to you." "And I like being mean to him, too, don't forget." "Of course not. Pleasure from meaness. There's a name for it: sadomasochism." "Thanks a lot." I said. "That's just what I need. A mental picture of Todd Harding laced up in a black leather bodysuit with a whip in one hand and his wang in the other.

He isn't so bad." "You're not fake-married to him.

He said, “So . . . do you like music?” It was a pretty stupid question. I mean, who doesn’t like music? Okay, maybe some puritanical zealot out in Hicksville. But really. It was kind of like asking, “Do you like food?” “Isn’t oxygen great?” “Have you got skin? I do.” I knew what he meant, though.

Designer clothes, bubblegum pop music, celebrity heartthrobs - I couldn't give a fat rat's hairy ass. Just give me my hotdog and Jane Austen, and I'm good.

And I’m sorry,” Big Earrings said, “But how is some course going to teach them how marriage works? I’ve been married three times, and I haven’t figured it out yet.” She snorted. “I figured out how to call a lawyer, though.

You look at me but never see the love I feel for you. But in your eyes, I see the skies. The endlessness of time and blue. Like water that span the raging sea. And break upon the sandbar of your heart.

You think it's easy to find someone? You think they'll just show up at your door and love you, and everything will be perfect and turn out like a fairy tale? Ha! Like that ever happens.

I have been advised to try to find one redeeming quality in him to focus on. So far, the only thing I can think of is that he is breathing. But even that is questionable, because he is very likely a zombie or some other form of the undead.

According to Marcie's mom, only people with no class actually use the word class. If you have it, then you never talk about it." "Oh". Johnny nodded slowly. "Just like herpes.

And i was buck-naked. Which probably would have made for an interesting night, but the last time i'd checked i was neither a porn star or a prostitute.