30+ quotes from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men by Molly Harper

Quotes from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men

Molly Harper ·  376 pages

Rating: (12.6K votes)


“Fortunately, among werewolf women, the word "bitch" is not offensive. I was having a lot of fun with that.
"Hey there, bitches!" I called as I came through the door. "What are my favorite bitches up to today?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“I have ways of making extra money when I need it", he said, slightly offended. "When Gilbert needed money for graduate school, I sold a kidney on the black market for tuition."

We can grow those back?" I asked.

It wasn't my kidney.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“I haven't had a lot of good, soft things in my life," he said against my forehead. "Not since my family sent me away. Apart from being your sire and feeling that pull to you, it's that goodness, that softness and warmth, along with the resolve and strength in you, that I love. Being turned hasn't taken that from you. If someone were going to design the perfect mate for me, it would be you. Even when you infuriate me with your pigheaded stubbornness and your temper and incredible lack of anything resembling self-preservation—"
"Stop describing me please."
"You're the most fascinating, maddening, adorable creature I've ever met," he said, sighing and pushing my hair out of my eyes. "So, when I seem possessive or I'm raving like a lunatic, it's just that part of me is still very afraid that I'll lose that—that I'll lose you. I love you.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Most of the funeral stuff is going to be done during daylight hours,” I said.
“I’m not even going to be able to attend the burial.
Humans get upset when vampires burst into flames right next to them.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“He stroked a hand across my shoulders. "You know, I've never seen this agressively intellectual side of you before. It's rather disturbing and yet somehow a little sexy."

Which is pretty much how we define our relationship", I said.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Are you sure about that he called off the wedding, Jolene? Sometimes Zeb misspells stuff in e-mails, and it comes across badly.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“In a werewolf pack, you cannot interfere with the mate choice of a clan fellow. You cannot intentionally harm that werewolf’s chosen mate. You are not, however, required to help that person should he find himself in a life - threatening situation.
Somehow, Zeb had managed to stumble into several such situations in the few months since he ’d been engaged to Jolene. He’d had several hunting “accidents” while visiting the McClaine farm, even though he didn’t hunt. The brakes on his car had failed while he was driving home from the farm—twice. Also, a running chainsaw mysteriously fell on him from a hayloft.
He would never get that pinkie toe back.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“...and challenging your neighborhood to a round of competitive outdoor decorating. Because you’re not really celebrating the birth of Jesus unless your house can be spotted by passing aircraft.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“He’s practically stalking me. He just won’t let it go. He’s just being … he’s being a jackass with a flaky jackass crust and a delicious jackass filling.”
“So he’s jackass pie?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“To the highly organized mind, death is just another adventure.
‘That’s from Harry Potter,’ I said. ‘Dumbledore said it in the first book.’
‘Trust you to know.’” (p. 273).”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Mama Ginger came calling, to set the alarm on my biological clock. Oh, and to remind me that there’s no point to me being a woman if I never have children.”

“Well, if that’s true, I wasted a hell of a lot of money on panty hose and lipstick.” Jettie snorted.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Why is your fiancée insisting that I dress like Naomi from Mama’s Family?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“I poked him in the chest. 'First of all, yes, it was. Lacy cards and love tokens were widely exchanged even in Victorian times. By now, you should know better than to screw with me on historical trivia.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Also, a running chainsaw mysteriously fell on him from a hayloft. He would never get that pinkie toe back.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“So, you purchased ancient Babylonian texts, which may or may not call forth Gozer the Destroyer, on eBay?” Zeb asked.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Lace it with Ex-Lax. It will do her some good.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“He’s wearing a T-shirt that says, ‘One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.’ I don’t think I’ve ever seen a vampire in a novelty T-shirt before. Extraordinary, really.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Where do you even buy a black lace handkerchief? Widows R Us?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“If he does it again, you have my permission to break his legs and arms and make him believe he’s a rodeo clown from Walla Walla,” I promised. “We can make him call himself Slappy the Wonder Clown.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“See, you feel better now that you’ve hit something.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“I leaned my forehead against his. “I will repay you in unspeakable physical favors if you can erase any trace of this party from my memory.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Will you please talk to him? Have some sort of man-to-man exchange?” Gabriel cleared his throat and placed a fatherly hand on Zeb’s shoulder. “Loving family members do not aim for each other’s soft tissues.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“And in between the disturbing innuendos, there was normally a nugget of likability. Buried deep, deep down.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“I just wish I was gorgeous with a rare blood type. Then I could make men my bitch puppets.” “I’m no one’s bitch puppet,” he growled. “Yes, you are.” Gabriel laughed.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Wow, you are truly master of the single entendre.” I rolled my eyes. “Do your lines work on anybody, ever?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Do I have to give you the ‘Hurt my friend, and you will wake up with my foot lodged in your nether regions’ speech?” I asked.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“I worry when I’m not called to save your cute little hind end at least once a week.” “I don’t have a cute little hind end,” I groused. “I know, it’s more medium to large, but I was trying to be kind,” he replied, dodging the Pocket Guide to Poltergeist Activity I chucked at him.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“The two of them had a strange chemistry, like ammonia and bleach.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


“Some people should not be allowed access to the Internet.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men


About the author

Molly Harper
Born place: The United States
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“We may see a Creature with forty-nine heads
Who lives in the desolate snow,
And whenever he catches a cold (which he dreads)
He has forty-nine noses to blow.
'We may see the venomous Pink-Spotted Scrunch
Who can chew up a man with one bite.
It likes to eat five of them roasted for lunch
And eighteen for its supper at night.
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That we won't see a Unicorn there.
We may see a terrible Monster with toes
Growing out of the tufts of his hair.
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So playful, so kind and well-bred;
And such beautiful eggs! You just boil them and then
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'A Gnu and a Gnocerous surely you'll see
And that gnormous and gnorrible Gnat
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Or nastier still, we may even be tossed
On the horns of a furious Dilemma.
'But who cares! Let us go from this horrible hill!
Let us roll! Let us bowl! Let us plunge!
Let's go rolling and bowling and spinning until
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