“One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.”
“You are an irritating son of a bitch.”
“Ah, ma petite, how can I resist you when you whisper such sweet endearments to me?”
“There had to be a circle of Hell where you were eternally fourteen, eternally in junior high. One of the lower circles.”
“Assuming the worst was always safer. And usually truer.”
“Larry's zombie bag was a nearly virulent green with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on it. I was almost afraid to ask what his vampire bag looked like.”
“You're up to something," I said.
He turned, eyes wide, long fingers pressed to his heart. "Moi?"
"Yeah, you,”
“I hoped he was right, but one thing I've learned about vampires-they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.”
“Asking Jean-Claude not to be a pain in the ass was like asking rain not to be wet. Why try?”
“Do you really have the ability to control all types of undead?" Magnus asked.
"Can you really make a hundred shoes in a single night?" I asked.
Magnus smiled. "Wrong kind of fairie.”
“Worry about the things you can control; the rest will either work themselves out, or they'll kill you. Either way, no more worries.”
“He laughed, and it raised goose-bumps on my arms. "Oh,ma petite ,ma petite , you are precious."
Just what I wanted to hear. "So how are you getting here?"
"My private jet."
Of course, he had a private jet. "When can you be here?"
"I will be there as soon as I can, my impatient flower."
"I prefer ma petite to flower.”
“Anyone who doesn't believe that the forest is a deadly place has never been lost in one.”
“He didn't look the least bit tired. A morning person, even after no sleep at all. It was disgusting.”
“No 'Good evening, Jean-Claude, how are you doing?' Just down to business. How terribly rude,ma petite ."
- Jean-Claude”
“I don't want him hurt because he got out of hand with me."
"Yet you would have shot him."
I shrugged. "I never said I was consistent, just serious.”
“Why is it that most things you might willingly do under other circumstances become distasteful when you have no choice?”
“There are things that can harm a lot more than physically.”
“He's not going to shoot us in the back by accident, is he?" Deputy Coltrain asked.
I smiled, not sweetly. "He promised not to.”
“It is the wee hours of the morning, ma petite. The room service menu is somewhat limited. Jason has donated blood twice to me tonight; he needed protein." Jean-Claude smiled. "It was either take-out, or he could eat Larry. I thought you'd prefer take-out.”
“I could have just said I'm good at my job, but I didn't. Didn't want the police thinking I was holding out information when I wasn't. "I've got one advantage over a normal homicide detective, I expect it to be a monster. No one ever calls me in if it's just a stabbing, or a hit-and-run. I don't spend a lot of time trying to come up with nice, normal explanations. It means I get to ignore a lot of theories.”
“Magic, if that was the right word, often rises and falls on your own belief in your abilities. I've seen very powerful people completely crippled by self-doubt.”
“I know you can throw holy water on the vampire, but I didn't know you could throw the host." (Sheriff St. John)
I had to smile. "They aren't like little holy grenades. I want the host to give to the Quinlans so they can put one at every windowsill, every doorsill." (Anita Blake)”
“Remember the three rules of vampire hunting. One: Never, ever look them in the eyes. Two: Never, ever give up your cross. Three: Aim for the head and heart. Even with silver ammo, it won't be a killing blow anywhere else." I felt like a kindergarten teacher sending her kiddies off to a hostile playground. "Don't panic if you get bitten. The bite can be cleansed. As long as they don't mesmerize you with their eyes, you can still fight.”
“Larry had brought me blue jeans, a red polo shirt, jogging socks, my white Nikes, an extra cross from my suitcase, the silver knives, the Firestar complete with inner pants holster, and the Browning and its shoulder holster. He'd forgotten a bra, but hey, except for that it was perfect.”
“It makes me nervous when you keep answering all my questions with 'I don't know.' "
"Me, too," I said.”
“Jean-Claude gave a low theatrical bow, never taking his eyes from her. "After you, my sweet. A lady should always walk before a gentleman, never behind.”
“The goat gave a high, questioning bleat. It was staked out in the middle of the boneyard. It was a brown-and-white-spotted goat with those strange yellow eyes they sometimes have. It had floppy white ears and seemed to like having the tope of its head scratched. Larry had petted it in the Jeep on the drive over. Always a bad idea. Never get friendly with the sacrifices. Makes it hard to kill them.
I had not petted the goat. I knew better. This was Larry's first goat. He'd learn. Hard or easy, he'd learn. There were two more goats at the bottom of the hill. One of them was even smaller and cuter than this one.”
“I think we can do it."
"But you don't know for sure," he said.
"No."
"Geez, Anita."
"Don't get rattled on me. We can do this."
"But you aren't sure."
"I'm not sure we'll survive the plane ride home, but I'm still getting on the plane."
"Was that supposed to be comforting?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"It wasn't," he said.
"Sorry, but this is as good as it gets. You want certainty, be an accountant."
"I'm not good at math."
"Me either.”
“I got out my jar of ointment. I knew animators who had special containers for the ointment. Crockery, hand-blown glass, mystical symbols carved into the sides. I used an old Mason jar that had once held Grandma Blake's green beans.
Larry fished out a peanut butter jar with the label still on it. Extra-crunchy. Yum-Yum.”
“He thought I was a cop and deliberately didn't call me "officer" or "detective." I let it go. If I really had a professional title I'd have demanded it, but getting into an argument because he wouldn't call me "detective" when I wasn't one seemed counterproductive.”
“I prefer to spend time with you. You’re the most interesting person I know.”
“Now he was kissing me, not in a scary way, not with hostility, but with warm, seductive intent. In a hayloft, in the barn, in the middle of the night. This scene brought to you by the letters W, T, and F.”
“Daphne stopped and turned to the injured man. “I like my outfit,” she said and stuck her tongue out. Mr. Applebee stuck his tongue out, too, and the little girl stomped out of the room.”
“If youth were not ignorant and timid, civilization would be impossible.”
“I will not be something you fuck and cuddle. I will be queen or I will be nothing to you.”
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