Quotes from Undead and Unwed

“Hell couldn't be worse than a WalMart after midnight, right?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“We have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like
politicians.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"

"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“I slipped one of the shoes off, looked at the inside. Property of Antonia O'Neill Taylor. I knew it. My stepmother! The bitch meant to bury me wearing her cast off shoes!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life!
And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Touch my things again, whether I'm dead or not, and I'll kick your ass up into your shoulder blades.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“You'll pay," she said stonily. "You won't be like this by this time tomorrow."
"Bored and pissed off? God, I hope not.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Kissing Sinclair was like making out with a sexy timber wolf— he was licking my fangs and nipping me lightly and growling under his breath and it was...oh, it was really something.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Interesting shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights. Heyyyyyy.... The woman in the awful suit was me! The woman in the cheap shoes was me!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Here I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don't run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening." I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“... friends are such a mixed blessing.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Oh my God", Marc rhapsodized. "Who is that ?"
"An asshole," I mumbled, turning back to him and picking up my tea. I was so rattled I sloshed some of the hot liquid on my hand, but I didn't feel a thing.
"He's coming over here !" Marc squealed. "Oh my God, oh my God, ohmyGod!"
"Will you get a hold of yourself?" I hissed. "You sound like a girl with a crush. Ah-ha!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a life.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“…and who are you, anyway?"
"I'm Tina.”
"Thank goodness!” I said so loudly she stepped back. "No silly-ass overdone names for you, m'girl.”
"It's short for Christina Caresse Chavelle.”
"Well, you did the best you could.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Crying's okay while it lasts, but you can only do it for so long. And it's weird to do it when you apparently can't make tears anymore (did this mean I wouldn't pee or sweat, either?). Anyway, eventually you're done, and you have to figure out what to do next.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“So you're a vampire?"
"Yes. But don't be scared. I'm still a nice person.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“... if hanging with other vamps means I have to go the whole movie cliché route, then forget it.
Cemeteries? Acolytes? Partying in chilly mausoleums? Yuck-o. Also, nobody wears a tux this time of year unless they're going to a wedding. You look like an escapee from the set of Dracula Does Doris.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“I turned. Tall, Dark, and Sinister was rapidly approaching.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“...But that is not my scene and I'm outta here."
His hand shot out and grabbed me above the elbow. "Indeed, but you'll accompany me, I think." The stone face cracked and he almost smiled. "I insist on the pleasure of your company. We have much to talk about."
"My ass!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Jessica peeked into the bathroom, then hurried back to report. "They got that boy stripped mother naked and they're scrubbing him with your brand-new loofah."
I winced. Thirty-seven ninety-nine at The Body Shop, kaput.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“Tina was kneeling before me, holding Donald's head by the hair and very plainly trying to hand it to me. "Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the indignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"
"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

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“You won't believe me, no matter what I say. Clearly there's nothing I can do or say that will change your opinion of me."
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“The wind on the headland whined softly round them, and although, as they watched, Great-Uncle Merry’s expression did not change, they suddenly knew that some enormous emotion was flooding through him. Like an electric current it tingled the air, exciting and frightening at the same time; though they could not understand what it was.”
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“Being nearly four years old, she was certainly a child: and children are human (if one allows the term "human" a wide sense): but she had not altogether ceased to be a baby: and babies are of course not human--they are animals, and have a very ancient and ramified culture, as cats have, and fishes, and even snakes: the same in kind as these, but much more complicated and vivid, since babies are, after all, one of the most developed species of the lower vertebrates.
In short, babies have minds which work in terms and categories of their own which cannot be translated into the terms and categories of the human mind.
It is true that they look human--but not so human, to be quite fair, as many monkeys.
Subconsciously, too, every one recognizes they are animals--why else do people always laugh when a baby does some action resembling the human, as they would at a praying mantis? If the baby was only a less-developed man, there would be nothing funny in it, surely.”
― Richard Hughes, quote from A High Wind in Jamaica

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