“Can we move this along?" a bored voice stated. "I have places to be and people to shag."
"Ian, I'm not going to hug you," I stated as I approached him. "I know you like this better."
With that, I slapped him hard enough to rock his head to the side. When he'd straightened, he flashed me a wicked grin.
"Finally, you give me what I want. Knew you loved me, Reaper.”
“Shame on you, Crispin. Married how long, and you haven't spanked your wife with a metal spatula yet?"
I'd gotten used to Ian's assumption that everyone was as perverted as he was, so I didn't miss a beat.
"We prefer blender beaters for our kitchen utensil kink," I said with a straight face.
Bones hid his smile behind his hand, but Ian looked intrigued.
"I haven't tried that ... oh, you're lying, aren't you?"
"Ya think?" I asked with a snort.
Ian gave a sigh of exaggerated patience and glanced at Bones.
"Being related to her through you is a real trial.”
“You've got to try this," I told Bones, handing him the glass. "It's like Cristal and O-Negative had a love child.”
“The day you love anyone but yourself is the day I’ll take your marital advice, Ian,” Bones bit back in an icy tone.
“Then today is that day,” Ian replied sharply, “for I love you, you wretched, pig-headed guttersnipe. I also love that arrogant, overprivileged dandy smirking at us”—a wave indicted Spade, whose aforementioned smirk vanished—“as well as the emotionally fractured, malfunctioning psychic who sired me. And you, Crispin, love a bloodthirsty hellion who’s probably killed more people in her thirty years than I have in over two centuries of living, so again I say, don’t bother trying to convince her that she isn’t who she is.”
“I love you, Kitten."
How puny those words seemed compared to the feelings strafing mine, but his voice vibrated as he said them. Then he crouched beside me.
"I would never hurt you that way save for one reason: to keep you safe. I can live with your anger, your retribution...bloody hell, despise me if you must, but don't expect me to behave as though you aren't the most important thing in my life. You are, and I will let no one, yourself included, bring you to harm.”
“I don't need these," Ian said, flashing emerald in his turquoise gaze for a split second, "when I have this."
With a casual swipe of his hand, he ripped his shirt open, causing buttons to fly everywhere. Another swipe took his sleep mask all the way off. Finally, he finger-combed his shoulder-length hair and smiled at his reflection in the rearview mirror.
"I am, after all, irresistible."
I couldn't contain my snort. "I resisted you just fine the day we met, or don't you remember me sticking a knife in your chest?"
Ian smiled with lazy wickedness. "I remember, but you seem to have forgotten that you kissed me first. And thoroughly enjoyed it.”
“The look he gave me was pitying. “In age only. I told you that you didn’t know the half of what Madigan had done. Well, she’s the half.”
“She’s more than half,” Denise replied dourly. “That little girl snapped my neck as soon as she saw me, then cut my throat when I got up after that, and then impaled me with a pipe she ripped off the wall when I got up after that! Needless to say, after that last one, I stayed down until Homicidal Goldilocks left.”
“Only a fool chooses to live in ignorance when knowledge is so easily obtained.”
“That's how two vampires, a medium, and a dog came to sit around a Ouija board in the back room of a floral shop.”
“Now all you need is to make a V with your hand and say in a death rattle that you have been and always shall be his friend," Ian noted with heavy irony.
"Why would I..." I began. Then understanding dawned.
"Holy crap, you're a closet Trekkie!”
“His gaze was unblinking. Lacking eyelids will do that to a person.”
“Then the person I least expected to take my side strolled into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a bed sheet wrapped around his hips.
"Why do you bother, Crispin? You married a fighter, so stop trying to convince her that the sidelines suit her better."
"The day you love anyone but yourself is the day I'll take your marital advice, Ian," Bones bit back in an icy tone.
"Then today is that day," Ian replied sharply, "for I love you, you wretched, pig-headed guttersnipe. I also love that arrogant, overprivileged dandy smirking at us"—a wave indicted Spade, whose aforementioned smirk vanished—"as well as the emotionally fractured, malfunctioning psychic who sired me. And you, Crispin, love a bloodthirsty hellion who's probably killed more people in her thirty years than I have in over two centuries of living, so again I say, don't bother trying to convince her that she isn't who she is.”
“My queen, his thoughts said reverently.
My ass, I didn’t reply out loud.”
“Before we left them, I slanted a glance at Leila, and mischievously said, "No one thought what you just did could be done, you know. You'll earn the nickname of The Dragon Slayer."
Vlad glowered at me, but Bones laughed.”
“You know family." My tone was clipped. "Always a pain in the ass.”
“Far from being offended, Mencheres went over and flawlessly executed a street-style handshake complete with finger slaps, fist bumps, and a high-low finale.”
“Get off, luv, I’m high as a bloody kite. No telling what I’ll do.”
“Bones smiled, unperturbed by all the weapons aimed in his direction. I had just as many pointed at me. Kudos to the guards for not being sexist.”
“Besides, if Bones ever manifested the ability to control fire, Vlad would insist on a flame-off between them. He was competitive like that.”
“It’s not the type, it’s the source. I don’t drink human blood.”
Her forehead creased, deepening the fine lines already visible. “But you’re a vampire.”
“I’ll just call you Dr. Obvious,” I muttered.”
“There might be fighting, and you look like a hard stare could break a limb off,” I said in exasperation.
Something beamed me in the back. I whirled, already shooting, but I’d been struck with a detached head—gross, yet not dangerous. Then another head came rushing toward me as if it were a bowling ball, and my legs were pins. I dodged out of the way only to have it turn in midair and smack me in the ass.
“Stop it, you made your point!”
“Have that spatula ready when I return," Ian sang out to her.
"I don't even want to know what that means," were my first words when he climbed into the RV.
"You don't? Shame on you, Crispin. Married how long, and you haven't spanked your wife with a metal spatula yet?
"We prefer blender beaters for our kitchen utensil kink," I said with a straight face.
Bones hid his smile behind his hand, but Ian looked intrigued.
"I haven't tried that.....oh, you're lying, aren't you?"
"Ya think?" I asked with a snort.”
“Ian,” Bones drew out warningly.
He waved a hand. “Stop growling, Crispin. I’m well over my former attraction to your wife, but the point remains that I’m stunning.”
With that, he got out of the car and sauntered off with his open shirt flapping behind him like twin mini capes.”
“Ignoring a ghost is a lot more difficult than you’d think.”
“He heaved a sigh. “You suck, Cathy.”
“You actually went there?” I asked, grinning.
Timmie grinned back. “Sorry. Sometimes I forget you’re . . . you know.”
“I am, after all, irresistible."
I couldn't contain my snort. "I resisted you just fine the day we met, or don't you remember me sticking a knife in your chest?"
Ian smiled with lazy wickedness. "I remember, but you seem to have forgotten that you kissed me first. And thoroughly enjoyed it."
Caught off guard, I flushed. Hey, I'd been celibate for over four years at the time....I wasn't thinking clearly!
"Ian," Bones drew out warningly.”
“Tate snorted. “Do I look like a pussy to you?”
“No,” Bones replied with a ghost of a smile. “You look like the same stubborn, reckless, devoted sod I’ve almost killed a hundred times over, which is why you’re perfect for the job.”
“For the record, I tried to stop this," I said grimly. Then I turned my attention back to Ian.
The afternoon sun gave his copper-hued hair golden highlights and he made sure that the hard lines of his chest and abdomen were on full display as his pace kept his shirt billowing behind him. Grudgingly, I had to admit that several heads turned, and more than a few cars slowed down as female drivers gave him a second, third and fourth look. Ian responded by flashing them a dazzling smile, making him appear almost angelic to anyone who didn't know that he was a conscienceless slut.”
“I’m on the clock here. Besides, I thought you’d like this. There’s a True Blood panel starting soon.”
“In my thirty years on this earth, I'd already seen and done more than many people would in a lifetime, but I wouldn't have made it this far if not for love. That had been the solid ground beneath my feet when everything else around me had crumpled, and despite the danger and uncertainty of what lay ahead, I knew it would be again.”
“Andy was clutching her blue T-shirt. She rolled over, as Tony had, palms to the surface, and pushed up. Andy, turning his head toward his father, reached out with his upper hands and tried to shove off from Claire with his lowers. The floor leaped up and smacked him. For”
“It's been my habit of mind, over these years, to understand that every situation in which human beings are involved can be turned on its head. Everything someone assures me to be true might not be. Every pillar of belief the world rests on may or may not be about to explode. Most things don't stay the way they are very long. Knowing this, however, has not made me cynical. Cynical means believing that good isn't possible; and I know for a fact that good is. I simply take nothing for granted and try to be ready for the change that's soon to come.”
“Dreams, [...], are misleading, because they make life seem real. When it loses the support of dreams, life dissolves.”
“Let it never be said that you crept into the crypt, crapped, and crept out again.”
“Only thing better than fresh onion is fresh onion in vinegar.” She held up the vinegar jar. “I have it here, ready to go.” At his look of surprise, she added, “Thomas said you especially enjoy eating onions and vinegar.” “Ja, I do.” He laced his fingers and pressed them to his stomach. “But I warn you, it will smell like a whole roomful of stout Germans when I am through.”
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