Quotes from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“I am your sire. I am to guide you through your first days as a vampire. Your first feeding is a rite of passage, a sacrament. It will not be wasted on some hormone-driven frenzy. This is why I wanted you to feed from me.”
“I will not drink it in a house, I will not drink it with a mouse. I will not drink it here or there, I will not drink it anywhere,” I wheezed, hoping I was able to communicate adequate sarcasm through the crippling belly cramps.
“Did you just quote Green Eggs and Ham?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“If you want to hurt me fine. Take my books. Burn down my house. Shave my head while I'm sleeping. But nobody nobody screws with my dog.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“I am not the kind of girl who trusts a man to tell her everything she needs to know in his own due time, so I did some research on my sire. You can take the girl out of the library, but you can't take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“The love of a good woman can save a man" I remember Gabriel saying. "Or it can drive him to fits of unspeakable madness.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“The brain may die, but my compulsion for useless trivia lives on.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“You can take the girl out of the library, but you can’t take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“I’ve never done this before. I didn’t go to human bars. Mudslides aside, I’m not much of a drinker. Club people are not my people. Now, book-club people—”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“A woman puts on a new dress eyeliner lip gloss to please others. A woman paints her toes to please herself. And if there was one thing I was familiar with it was pleasing...There's no way to finish that sentence without embarrassing myself.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Vampires have bright eyes glistening white teeth unnaturally smooth skin and a certain animal magnetism. If they aren't pretty they starve. It's sort of like life in Los Angeles.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Note to self: Try to stop reacting to surprises like a cartoon character.”
Jane Jameson”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“It took me awhile to learn the rules. OK, it took the librarian in me weeks of careful obsessive research to learn the rules. There was a label maker involved. I'd rather not go into it.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“When you encounter unpleasantness from the human population, try to keep in mind that you will be able to dance on their graves long after they're dead. It's a cheering thought. - from The Guide for the Newly Undead.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Wal-mart started selling "Vampire Home Defense Kits", including holy water, crosses, stakes, mallets, and a book of quick blessings to bar vampires from your door. The fact that these kits were generally useless didn't bother me nearly as much as the idea of holy water being sold at wal-mart.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“If I had a nickel for every time I heard the words 'I don't want to ruin our friendship ' I wouldn't be driving a car with an ominously flashing 'check engine' light.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“When we were kids, Mama used to ask, “If Zeb wanted to jump off the roof, would you do it, too?” And as it turned out, the answer was yes.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Tell them you're pregnant with a married minister's baby, then say, "Just kidding! I'm a vampire,'" she suggested.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“We don’t have problems”, Gabriel insisted.
You killed someone!
I killed someone for you!
Well, pardon me if I don’t think that’s going to make it into the next collection of Halmark cards!” (p. 301).”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Trivia monologue. You are so the man for me.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“The scent of growth, quiet and green, hung heavy in the air. I heard everything. I saw everything. I could count the craters on the moon. I could count every mosquito buzz past, bypassing my tender skin out of respect for a fellow bloodsucker.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“I was just turned last week. I'm a librarian."
He stilled, as if I'd just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. "I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by--"
I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. "If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Johnny Cash had all of the same talents and problems as Elvis - a poor upbringing in the rural South exposure to gospel music throughout his childhood a penchant for drug abuse...they had the same sort of influencing experiences but Johnny' Cash's problematic relationship was with his father not his mother. If he had had the mommy issues that Elvis had instead of a compelling need to prove himself to his father, he wouldn't have been the badass man in black, the guy in Folsom Prison watching the train roll by. Elvis was a lot of things but even with the karate and the gunplay he was more unstable than badass.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Jane: "Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our virginity together. He never called me again and actually turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw me on campus. Unless you're going to do that, I don't think were gonna have a problem. Gabriel?"

Gabriel: "Sorry. Something strange happened inside my head when you said the word "panties". The overwhelming urge to kill Dave Chandler combined with a simultaneous loss of blood to the brain.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Vampirism: (n) 1. The condition of being a vampire, marked by the need to ingest blood and extreme vulnerability to sunlight. 2. The act of preying upon others for financial or emotional gain. 3. A gigantic pain in the butt.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“This is how southern woman worked all peaches in cream laced with arsenic ”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“If looks could kill...well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.
"See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Jane: "Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude when all she was asking me to do was attend a nice party. This was the way southern women worked all peaches & cream laced with arsenic.”
― Molly Harper, quote from Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

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“Let us remind ourselves of the terminology. A theist believes in a supernatural intelligence who, in addition to his main work of creating the universe in the first place, is still around to oversee and influence the subsequent fate of his initial creation. In many theistic belief systems, the deity is intimately involved in human affairs. He answers prayers; forgives or punishes sins; intervenes in the world by performing miracles; frets about good and bad deeds, and knows when we do them (or even think about doing them). A deist, too, believes in a supernatural intelligence, but one whose activities were confined to setting up the laws that govern the universe in the first place. The deist God never intervenes thereafter, and certainly has no specific interest in human affairs. Pantheists don't believe in a supernatural God at all, but use the word God as a non-supernatural synonym for Nature, or for the Universe, or for the lawfulness that governs its workings. Deists differ from theists in that their God does not answer prayers, is not interested in sins or confessions, does not read our thoughts and does not intervene with capricious miracles. Deists differ from pantheists in that the deist God is some kind of cosmic intelligence, rather than the pantheist's metaphoric or poetic synonym for the laws of the universe. Pantheism is sexed-up atheism. Deism is watered-down theism.”
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