The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity

Real change requires you to change your behavior-not just your attitude.

We like to think we react to the world as it is, when really we react to a world that exists in our own minds. This inner world is so powerful, it overwhelms our ability to see reality. John Milton, in Paradise Lost, expressed it this way: “The mind is its own place, and in itself / Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.

We’re trained as a society to expect, even demand, immediate gratification. And we have an extraordinary ability to rationalize this weakness. Instead of admitting we’re avoiding pain, we tell ourselves we’re being virtuous; Vinny had convinced himself he was refusing to “sell out.” We end up with a distorted worldview that makes avoidance seem right, even brave and idealistic. This is the worst sin of all—lying to ourselves. It makes change impossible.

There’s a hidden, inner strength that you cannot find unless you push yourself through adversity.

Inner strength comes only to those who move forward in the face of adversity.

The tool is called “Inner Authority.” This means just what it says. It’s not an authority that comes from the approval of anyone outside you; it’s the authority you can get only when you’re speaking from your inner self.

The consumer expects a reward for the slightest effort—or better, for no effort at all. He cares only about what he gets from the world, not about what he might add to it. Living on the surface, jumping from thing to thing, his energy is diffused, like milk spreading across a tabletop. He makes no impact on the world; when his time on earth is over, it’s as if he never lived. The creator won’t accept that fate. Everything he does is with the intention of making an impact on the world. His code ensures this: He doesn’t accept the world as he finds it; he brings things into the world that aren’t already there. He doesn’t follow the herd; he sets his own course. He ignores the reactions of others. He resists superficial distractions. He remains focused on his goals even if he has to sacrifice his immediate gratification. Anyone can live by this code, but very few of us do. It means putting your life in the service of higher forces. These forces can’t be found on the surface of life; they’re found in its depths. The creator’s energy must have the singular focus of a drill boring through stone. As difficult as that is, a creator is rewarded many times over for his efforts. You don’t have to be an artist to be a creator. You can add something to the world in any human activity—even the most routine. Your job, your role as a parent, your relationships, your contribution to your community—all become more meaningful when you put your personal stamp on them using higher forces. For

Nietzsche's statement ("Whatever does not kill me makes me stronger") makes it sound like adversity itself makes you stronger. It doesn't. Inner strength comes only to those who /move forward/ in the face of adversity.

A sense of purpose doesn’t come from thinking about it. It comes from taking action that moves you toward the future. The moment you do this, you activate a force more powerful than the desire to avoid pain. We call this the “Force of Forward Motion.

Everyone in your life is imperfect, either because of something they’ve done in the past or something they can’t change in the present. Fixating on these things destroys relationships. You need a tool that allows you to accept people despite their flaws.

Fear is almost always linked to an image you have of something terrible happening in the future.

What if every bad thing that’s ever happened to you—including every problem you’ve ever had—was there, in your life, to get you in touch with abilities you never knew you had? And what if there were specific procedures that led you directly to those new abilities?

To develop courage, you have to give up this illusion of future certainty.

The Comfort Zone is supposed to keep your life safe, but what it really does is keep your life small.

It is a tragedy to die with your song unsung.

The great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung was the first to say that everyone has a Shadow regardless of their accomplishments, talents, or appearance.

Think of a particularly difficult problem you have in your life right now and then try this: First, think of the problem as a random hardship, occurring in an unthinking universe that doesn’t care about you or your evolution. How does that feel? Now, think of the same problem as a challenge posed by a universe that wants you to evolve and knows that you can. How does that feel? Most

Outflow is an infinite, spiritual force that gives of itself without restraint.

with my own excitement, I told Vinny, “In forward motion, your life becomes like a radiant star, expanding outward. When you’re hiding in the Comfort Zone, life becomes a black hole, collapsing into itself.

Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream. If you confront the monster, it goes away.

Pain avoidance is a powerful habit. You get immediate relief when you defer something painful. The penalty—helpless regret at a life you wasted—won’t come until far in the future. This is why most people can’t move forward and live life to the fullest.

Necessary pain is the kind you must go through to achieve your goals.

Instead of seeing problems as an expression of a “condition” whose cause was in the past, we needed to see them as catalysts for developing forces that were already present, lying dormant inside us.

We like to think of ourselves as finished products—complete on our own. We’re not. To be whole, we need to stay connected to something beyond ourselves. The constant effort that requires means that a human being can never be more than a work in progress.

The truth is, we accomplish nothing without the help of the Source.

you’re desiring pain so you can shrink it.

adversity is the only way the universe can increase our inner strength.

What I enjoyed as a therapist wasn’t holding the patient at a distance; it was putting power into my patients’ hands. Teaching them the tools was my way of giving them the ultimate gift—the ability to change their lives. That made it tremendously satisfying each time a tool was fully developed.

There are many different examples of this. If you’re shy and avoid people, then you lose the vitality that comes with a sense of community. If you’re creative but can’t tolerate criticism, then you avoid selling your ideas to the marketplace. If you’re a leader but you can’t confront people, no one will follow you.