I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It

What you're really supposed to be doing is whatever makes your heart sing.

Every time you have to make a choice about anything, think "Does this go toward or away from what I want?" Always choose what goes toward what you want.

How can families harm us when they love us? Very easily, unfortunately. Most of us overlook one important fact when we think love is enough: Love and respect aren't the same thing. Love is fusion. As a baby, you belong to your parents, you're extension of them. Respect is differentiation: you belong to yourself, and you're an extension of no one. Differentiation is essential for happiness of adults.

You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.

Every time you worry that you could get trapped in some kind of work you don't care about, you're dealing with the problem of meaningfulness. I guarantee that in the back of your mind is the thought that somehow you have to make a contribution to something, be acknowledged, do something that matters--or you're just fooling around.

Bitterness isn’t as authentic as it looks. Believe it or not, one of the reasons we choose to feel bitter is because it’s easier than feeling pain. It makes us feel tough. Being bitter gives the illusion that you’re fighting, that you’re not taking defeat lying down. But bitterness is a log jam. It won’t let you get moving.

You can learn new things at any time in your life if you’re willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up for you.

You just have to forget whatever you were taught about “meaningful work” and start noticing whatever has meaning to you.

If you’re burned out, learning something new or doing something creative is the cure.

Remember that to yourself, you are and always will be the strongest element in your environment. That’s why any job, right or wrong, will teach you important lessons about yourself. The truth is that personal development is the real reason you should be working in the first place.

Parents have their own dreams—and it’s those dreams they’re pushing, not yours. In their heads, they have images of successful sons and beautiful wealthy daughters, children who are impressive—and secure. Very few parents have the luxury, the calmness of spirit, to realize that the most practical thing any child can do is to find its own vision—and follow it.

People who aren't interested in anything are people who can't stop protecting their enthusiasm.

I think there’s a special saint who protects unfinished projects. Unfinished projects are just as valuable to us as the projects we finish.

If you’re unhappy, something important is going on. When your body hurts, it needs attention. When your heart hurts, it needs just as much attention. Your mind knows what you’ve been taught, but your heart knows who you really are.

If you feel defined by any job, your self-image isn't solid enough.

Protecting yourself by stopping your own enthusiasm is unavoidable. No one can take endless doses of hurt. Unfortunately, stopping your enthusiasm can get to be a habit.

Mary Oliver should know; few tribes encourage and teach children to be poets. In her poem “Journey” she wrote: One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice … little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world …

Frustration is supposed to create action, not make you give up.

And you’re probably spending too much time in a job that doesn’t mean anything to you. A person who can’t make a choice often works far below her capabilities to avoid making a commitment and to send out the message that her present job is only temporary.

Remember: “Doing your own thing” is a generous act. Being gifted creates obligations, which means that you owe the world your best effort at the work you love. You too are a natural resource.

I don’t believe you live the good life by doing what you can do; you live it by doing what you want to do. I don’t even think your greatest talents necessarily show up in your skills. All of us are good at things we’re not madly in love with. And all of us have talents we’ve never used. Relying on your skills to guide you is simply unacceptable. That’s why I don’t intend to give you personality tests or skills assessments to find out what you should be doing. I know what you should be doing. You should be doing what you love. What you love is what you are gifted at. Only love will give you the drive to stick to something until you develop your gift.

A gripe session gets that negativity out where we can see it instead of letting it lurk around inside where it has too much power.

Pride is a thin substitute for sincere, openhearted dignity.

You'll never feel like exercising less than now when you need it most - but do it anyway.

We all fight sorrow as if it would harm us. The opposite is true. Sorrow can heal us. Letting your heart break can be good for you.

Your love belongs to you. You mustn't let anyone touch it, not even him. You can keep away from him, but don't try to destroy your love. That love is yours. Keep it.

(Or, as the American novelist Richard Ford put it: “Angry words are all alike. They all mean, ‘What about me?’”)

You’re obviously capable of achieving a lot, but ability can never take the place of desire. Don’t be tempted to do something just because you can. That’s what got you off course in the first place.