Suicide Med

Great. I’m such a fatass that I ate my twin brother.

As I go back to writing up my history and physical, I see Julio’s hand brush against Dr. Zaleski’s coffee cup. And here’s the really weird part: as he does it, I’m almost positive he drops something into her coffee. In fact, I’m pretty sure he dropped

...I wasn't prepared for the enormous mansion that stands before me. It's three stories high and stretched out for the length of a city block. There's a gate to gain entrance and I half-expect to see a moat with a dragon guarding the front door.

I've never with a guy like Mason before. Every man I ever dated has been humble, mee and plain -- the diametric opposite of Mason. He's not my type at all. But I can't deny that I am incredibly attracted to him. Even though I still hate him, of course.

Seth might be the love of my life. But at that moment, I hate the bastard.

prefer solitary activities and I hate when solitary activities turn into group activities. I definitely consider studying a solitary activity.

I’m trying to learn the brachial plexus,” I mumble.

I’m not at liberty to say,” she insists, but my answer is right there on her face. She’s a horrible liar. You’d think a shrink would have a better poker face.

Except we’ve been together for well over a month, and done hardly anything

I could probably get the keys to his car and all his credit card numbers if I wanted. “Rachel,” he says, beaming, “I was hoping you’d come by…” I close the door behind me and lock it. I smile. “How are you doing, Dr. Conlon?” “Matt,” he corrects me. In about five minutes, he’s going to hate my guts.

ripped jeans held together by the grace of God,

In college, my girlfriends always told me that a guy who’s never had a girlfriend is a major red flag, but I thought they were being silly. It doesn't matter that Abe never had a girlfriend before. It will just make our relationship all the more special to him. As it turns out, I should have listened to them.

The first stage is denial, followed by anger, then bargaining and depression, and finally, acceptance.

Have you ever heard of the five stages of loss and grief? It’s something

during hyperventilation, the lungs blow off too much carbon dioxide. As the amount of carbon dioxide in the bloodstream goes down, the blood vessels going to the brain constrict, cutting off the brain’s oxygen supply.

Anyway, the branches of the facial nerve are the temporal, zygomatic, buccal, mandibular, and cervical. There’s a mnemonic: To Zanzibar By Motor Car.

seem like the surgeon type—he’s too nice.

Conlon, my anatomy professor in medical school, who made the class the most grueling, fun, amazing, and important course I’ve ever taken in my life. And don’t worry, nothing funny went on between us.

I am grateful to all of those people who read my book over the years, including the always wonderful Gizabeth and Dr. Orthochick. My mother has even read it twice, and she probably deserves some sort of medal. I recruited a few

I recruited a few new beta readers to help me with the final draft of the project.

my anatomy professor in medical school, who made the class the most grueling, fun, amazing, and important course I’ve ever taken in my life. And don’t worry, nothing funny went on between us.

Has the formaldehyde fused with my DNA? Am I going to need gene therapy in order not to stink anymore?