The Devil Wears Scrubs

How can you get rid of a book? That’s like throwing away knowledge.

It’s the very first time I’ve referred to myself as a doctor. It feels so weird. My tongue can’t seem to wrap itself around the words. I almost expect everyone to start snickering at me behind their hands that I just pretended I was really a doctor.

I don’t feel like an independent, intelligent, respected career woman. I feel exhausted, dumb, and mistreated.

I didn’t ask.” She glances back at the patient’s room. “Should I check?” “No, please just keep going,” I tell her. Maddie’s presentations tend to be long and meandering, sometimes involving side trips. I don’t want to be here all night.

When I teach her something, it’s like throwing a piece of paper into a completely full trash can and just watching it bounce off and roll away.

Why do I keep crying? Nobody else here cries when they lose a patient. It must be the lack of sleep.

They’re probably debating if they need to call a psychiatry consult on me.

Dr. Westin considers me for a moment, contemplating my fate. I’m suddenly really embarrassed. Why did I say all that? I’m not five years old. I’m in control of my words. It’s not my fault! I’m just really, really tired. “You need to go apologize to her, Jane,” he says.

One thing I’ve been realizing lately is that people bounce back pretty easily if you give them a chance.

When you talk to someone on the phone, you need to ask them for their name,” the woman says accusingly.

You have to be more prepared,

But there’s a huge difference between having knowledge and feeling comfortable using that knowledge on actual human beings who could die if you do the wrong thing.

You need to read vehemently.

If the attending asks you a question,” Alyssa says, “you get up and find out the answer. You do not let the attending stand. Ever.

She’s cutthroat about being a slacker.

What happened to you?” I ask.

I’m sorry,” I finally say. I’m getting super good at apologizing lately.

Whenever someone starts a sentence with “no offense but,” it means they’re going to say something really offensive.

And medical students who want to end up as dermatologists will do anything to get there. Even kill for it. No, not really. They won't kill. But anything short of that is probably fair game. Like they might trip you pretty badly or stab you a little.

Dr. Westin says "You need to tell her how you feel." I don't want to tell Alyssa how I feel. I just want to throw something at her.

I swear, being a doctor is starting to make me dislike human beings.

I’ve been a doctor less than a month and I already got the handwriting down pat.

Wow. I didn’t even realize I’d been to the bathroom today. Hours Awake: 12 Chance of doing something else dumb in the next 18 hours: 110%

Because they’re books. How can you get rid of a book? That’s like throwing away knowledge.

Doing a guaiac”: Stick your finger in the patient’s rectum so you get some poop on your finger, smear the poop on a special card, and see if it changes color when you put a special solution on it, which would indicate the presence of blood.

In medicine, there is something known as the ROAD specialties, which is an acronym for the four specialties that have the best reimbursement to hours ratio. Basically, great lifestyle with lots of money. ROAD stands for: Radiology Ophthalmology Anesthesiology Dermatology Naturally,

Before our modern-day computers, people used calculators, and before that they used slide rules, and before that they used the abacus, and before that, they probably used this computer right here.

Emesis: Puke Epistaxis: Nosebleed Stool: Poop Dyschezia: Hurts to poop Hematochezia: Blood in poop

edentulous, which means he has little to no teeth