Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls: A Handbook for Unapologetic Living

Beauty is something that is everywhere. The sunset is beautiful. Human connection is beautiful. Kindness is beautiful. Bodies are beautiful --all of them. Beauty is ubiquitous, inherent, and found in all of us: on the outside and the inside.

We become too embarrassed to meet up with the friend we haven’t seen in years because we might have gained weight. We sabotage relationships by thinking we’re unworthy of physical affection. We hide our face when we have breakouts. We opt out of the dance class because we’re worried we’ll look ridiculous. We miss out on sex positions because we’re afraid we’ll crush our partner with our weight. We dread family holidays because someone might say something about how we look. We don’t approach potential friends or lovers because we assume they will immediately judge our appearance negatively. We try to shrink when walking in public spaces in order to take up as little room as possible. We build our lives around the belief that we are undeserving of attention, love, and amazing opportunities, when in reality this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The way we view our bodies impacts the way we participate in the world . .

Our bodies are our physical bookmarks that hold space for us in the world.

I’m here to propose something that I believe too few of us realize: “Health” is our new “beauty myth.

You're not a better person if you eat carrots, and you're not a fuckup if you eat pie.

Happiness is about finding what you love about yourself and sharing it. Happiness is about taking what you hate about yourself and learning to love it. Happiness is an internal sanctuary where you are enough just as you are, right now.

Fat” is just the current catchall word for all the things that we as a culture are afraid of: women’s rights, people refusing to acquiesce to cultural pressures of conformity, fear of mortality. [People who hate fat people] see body love as a move toward people taking charge of their lives and choosing what they want to do, no matter what the culture says. This is really scary to a lot of people. The anger they express is actually toward themselves. A person who hates seeing a happy, liberated person wishes they had the strength to do that, but they are too entrenched or “bought in” to the way things are right now to see it as a beautiful thing. So they see it and they hate it . . . People have invested a lot of time and a lot of resources into this game that says “thin wins.” So when people see exceptions to that rule, they feel personally invalidated, personally stolen from, personally affronted.

This may have been a phone call with one man, but his opinions are ubiquitous. We hate watching women step out of line, speak up, and take up space. It instigates the fear Virgie talked about, which comes from not being able to control others, from not having the organized complacency that we need so desperately to feel safe. Paulo Freire said it best in one sentence: “Functionally, oppression is domesticating.”8 Oppression certainly serves its purpose—it makes outspoken and confident women a threat to our comfortable system. Which means that outspoken and confident women who are also FAT? Well, they’re another rule-breaking satanic breed altogether.

So I made the best decision of my life: I decided to love my body.

When we foster appreciation for and love ourselves, we start to contribute to the world in a way that allows equality, inclusivity, and all forms of kindness.

The word “pretty,” however, when used to describe a woman’s physical appearance, signifies to me a physical ideal that’s fabricated by companies to make you believe that you’ll never be enough until you reach it. Pretty is what they want you to believe in. Pretty is what causes women to battle each other. Pretty has been created to always be exclusive. Pretty is a made-up lie created to line the pockets of money-hungry assholes.

Our bodies are installation art that we curate publicly. Our bodies are the first message those around us receive. Our bodies are our physical bookmarks that hold space for us in the world. Our bodies are magnificent houses for everything else that we are. Our bodies are a part of us, just as our kindness, talents, and passion are a part of us. Yes, we are so much more than our outer shells, but our outer shells are an integral part of our being, too.

And then comes the exhaustion after trying so hard yet still feeling inadequate, which only reminds you how much you truly hate yourself.

Selfies are not only not selfish, they’re absolutely necessary. It’s the truth, and I’m sticking by it.

We hate watching women step out of line, speak up, and take up space. It instigates the fear Virgie talked about, which comes from not being able to control others, from not having the organized complacency that we need so desperately to feel safe. Paulo Freire said it best in one sentence: “Functionally, oppression is domesticating.”8 Oppression certainly serves its purpose—it makes outspoken and confident women a threat to our comfortable system. Which means that outspoken and confident women who are also FAT? Well, they’re another rule-breaking satanic breed altogether.

Our bodies cannot truly be hidden, no matter how many black outfits we wear. No matter how many pairs of Spanx we own. No matter how much we suck it in. Doesn't it seem like a better use of our time to just accept the fact that our bodies are our bodies and live our lives like there is no tomorrow? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.

The act of combining a fat body and exercise can resurrect a lifetime of shame. One of the most powerful kinds of shame in the world.

In the rules of dieting lives the centuries-old legacy of the second-class citizenship of women.

fear of the unknown, fear of what outcomes may result from our differences. This fear creates a disconnection between individuals. This disconnection from one another can produce a strong reaction called psychological “reactance.” Reactance is the motivational state aroused when a person perceives a threat to his or her own freedom, and feels a need to take action to regain a sense of control. In essence, someone who fears another person’s differences may become verbally or physically violent toward the person.

This also applies to the beauty standards we were raised with. I’m going to challenge you to mentally pick up each rule that you’ve been taught and ask yourself: Does this bring me joy?

Self-esteem isn’t a crime. Self-love isn’t something to be earned. Most importantly, loving your fat body as it is is not delusional and does not amount to self-deception.

Your size is irrelevant to your ability to find fulfillment, purpose, love, a sense of worthiness, and the ovaries to not give a fuck.

Defining worthiness by health and fitness level is not just about size discrimination. It’s also about classism. Racism. Ableism. And much more. Thanks

Self-love isn’t something to be earned. Most importantly, loving your fat body as it is is not delusional and does not amount to self-deception. But believing that you are less of a person just because greedy assholes said so? I propose that is, and does.

We build our lives around the belief that we are undeserving of attention, love, and amazing opportunities, when in reality this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Real talk: Your life is not going to become happier, more amazing, or more successful after you lose those 10 pounds. Or 20 pounds. Or 50 pounds. Because the pounds aren’t really the issue. Your state of mind is.

some people are like branches, and branches are to be cautiously approached. They may look strong, but as soon as you try to lean on them for support, “they’ll break and they’ll leave you high and dry.

some people are “seasonal”—they only stay for a period of time, and it’s imperative that we don’t confuse these types of people and their roles.