Nice Try, Jane Sinner

I run for half an hour every day because I hate it. It never gets any easier. Each day I dread going outside or to the gym, and each day I try to talk myself out of it. But I always go. I hate running, and I’ve run each day since starting the show to prove that I am stronger than my apathy. That I am stronger than the girl who gave up on life.

The past doesn't exist. It's just a story we tell ourselves. And stories change each time you tell them.

I am superhero! I am the Nihilist! My superpowers include logical detachment, emotional invincibility, and the ability to blend in anywhere. I work alone and am never compromised by romantic entanglements, and I don't have a costume because who the fuck cares?

Wouldn’t it be nice, don’t you think, to not constantly compare everything you say and do to everything you’ve ever said and done and hope one day the good will outweigh the cringeworthy?

Everyone always insists on telling me what I used to love, and they all think that if I just go back to loving the same things, we can all pretend the Event never happened. Too bad it doesn’t work that way. Once a kid discovers Santa isn’t real, reminding her how much she used to love Santa isn’t going to make her believe again.

This is why I can't talk to parents. They think you can get friends in high school the way you get chips from a vending machine. Put in a little niceness, and some kid pops out ready to double-check your homework and paint your nails at a slumber party. Niceness is not a valid currency in high school.

Days like this I wish I believed in God so I’d have someone other than myself to blame for my life.

Her faith was a conscious decision, a hard earned achievement, constantly evolving to deal with her family's agnosticism and her own bisexuality. I wore my own faith like the shirt I fell asleep in because I was too lazy to change.

Jane Sinner: I think I can save us some time here. I’ll tell you my only motivation in life. The Doctor: And what motivation is that? Jane Sinner: The lols. It’s the only reason I ever do anything.

Because filmmaking is a brutal industry. You don't get anywhere unless you work more than anyone else. Unless you're better than they are.

Real fears are frightening because they could happen.

And if you can own up to every moment and take responsibility for your life and shape it into something beautiful and kind and generous—​if you can do that, you’ve discovered what it means to be strong.

Some girls just want to watch the world burn, you know?

I miss my anger. It was so nice to hold on to, so warm and full of energy. But it is deflating and I'm deflating; I'm a balloon leaking air.

Freedom is when you don’t take anything personally.

I had never told Bonnie this, but I always respected her faith more than my own. Her faith was a conscious decision, a hard-earned achievement, constantly evolving to deal with her family's agnosticism and her own bisexuality. I wore my own faith like the shirt I fell asleep in because I was too lazy to change.

Prayer circles are the worst. Somehow everyone assumes their prayers are only effective if their hands are touching some part of your body.

I'm not a particularly good daughter, but I sat through a month of therapy for my parents' sake. I'd like to think they got more out of it than I did. Couldn't have been too hard. Any system that requires the patient's family to pay someone else to care about her is fundamentally flawed.

Oh, Janie, I think there are several things wrong with you. But there is so much more that is right.

If the cameras weren’t around, I would have chewed him out. And by chew him out I mean ignore him more severely.

I wanted that tiny bit of recognition from others. I just wish wanting it didn’t make me feel so small.

Every now and then she worries that I’ll disappear, and the way she squeezes my hand hard enough to break my fingers breaks my heart instead.

Prayer is saying, Yeah, we’ve got a problem here, but now that we’ve talked about it out loud, it’s in God’s hands and there’s not much else we can do about it. Thanks for coming, Jane. See you next week.

Likes: introverts. The problem with introverts: no one initiates.

I’ll never resent her for not understanding. I just hope she never experiences firsthand what it’s like to fall apart and not have the strength or energy to put yourself back together.

I needed a break from myself. Understandably, I think.

You don’t want to end up like your Aunt Gina, Jane. You can’t make a decent living for your kids by sitting at home all day, “being funny” and writing Lord knows what for the internet.

Unfortunately, chivalry gets you nowhere in reality television.

It's easier to hate someone that it is to open to them.

Lucky people are the worst.