The Days Are Just Packed

Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.

Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.

You are demoted from First Tiger to bulk rate.

While Calvin is in the classroom TEACHER: Yes, Calvin? CALVIN: Miss Wormwood, I'm a fierce advocate of the separation of church and state. CALVIN: Nevertheless, I feel the need for spiritual guidance and comfort as I face the day's struggles. CALVIN: So I was wondering if I could strip down, smear myself withg paste, and set fire to this little effigy of you in a non-denominational sort of way. CALVIN (After being sent to the Principal's office): Boy, what a touchy subject!

CALVIN'S DAD: What story would you like tonight? We can read anything except... CALVIN, INTERRUPTING HIM: "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie"! CALVIN'S DAD, IN ANGUISH: NO! No Hamster Huey tonight! We've read that book a million times! CALVIN: I want Hamster Huey! CALVIN'S DAD, Nearly Pleading: Look, you KNOW how the story goes. You've memorized the whole thing! It's the same story every day! CALVIN, Screaming: I want Hamster Huey! CALVIN, LYING IN BED WITH EYES OF WONDERMENT: Wow, the story was different THAT time! HOBBES, LYING IN BED NEXT TO CALVIN, ALSO WITH EYES OF WONDERMENT: Do you think the townsfolk will ever find Hamster Huey's head?

CALVIN: I don't WANNA take a bath! I don't WANNA take a bath! You can't make me! CALVIN (As mom carries him to the tub): Aghh! Leggo! Leggo!! No No No No No No No! Put me down! CALVIN (Now in the tub): I wish I was dead! I hate you all! I hate everything. AARRGGHHH! MOM (Dripping wet. Talking to her husband.): Whenever I hear about people trying to rediscover the "child within," I want to scream.

CALVIN: Our country was founded a very long time ago, roughly around 200 B.C. TEACHER: (Glowering): 200 B.C.? CALVIN: Before Calvin. CALVIN: (Now sitting in the corner, wearing a dunce cap) That's what's IMPORTANT!

CALVIN: The problem with rock'n'roll is that the generation that created it is now the establishment. Rock pretends it's still rebellious with its video posturing, but who believes it? The stars are 45-year-old zillionaires or they endorse soft drinks! The "Revolution" is a capitalist industry! Give me a break. Fortunately, I've found some protest music for TODAY'S youth! This stuff really offends Mom and Dad! HOBBES: Easy-listening Muzak? CALVIN: I play it real quiet, too. [Page 40]

Calvin and Hobbes are chatting. HOBBES: Aren't you supposed to be doing homework now? CALVIN: I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem. HOBBES: It is? CALVIN: Sure! It sends the message that I don't know enough. All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. CALVIN: So instead of trying to learn, I'm just concentrating on liking myself the way I am. HOBBES: Your self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus? CALVIN: Please! Let's call it 'informationally impaired.

Calvin's Mom walks in on him. On the carpet he's been smashing rocks with a baseball bat. Mom freaks out. MOM: What on earth would make you DO something like that? CALVIN: Poor genetic material? Mom slaps her head with one hand; while her other hand expresses an almost uncontrollable rage. Now he's in his room, evidently in time out. CALVIN: Bad guess.

CALVIN: Here's an ad for a new gum called "Hyperbubble," and it says, "If you're not chewing Hyperbubble, you might as well be chewing your cud. Ooh, great copy! CALVIN: Gosh, am I cool enough to chew Hyperbubble? Maybe I'm NOT. Maybe if you chew Hyperbubble, you BECOME cool CALVIN: Or maybe if you chew it, everyone ASSUMES you're cool, so it doesn't matter if you are or not! What do you think? Should I buy some? HOBBES: If your emotional security depends on satisfying a need you didn't have until you read the ad, go ahead. CALVIN: I think I will! Boy, I'm glad I get this magazine.