“Never tell anyone to be careful, never ask what that noise was, and for the love of God, never, ever say that you'll be right back." —Evelyn Baker”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“The problem with people who say monsters don't really exist is that they're almost never saying it to the monsters." —Alice Healy”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“There's no such thing as a normal life. Some lives are just more interesting than others, and we shouldn't judge people for being boring. —Evelyn Price”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“We all make mistakes. Luckily for us, there are very few mistakes that cant be solved with a suitable application of either lipstick or hand grenades" —Frances Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Didn't we talk about this?"
"HAIL!"
"That isn't an answer." I planted my hands on my hips. "Was there a reason for shoving the gummy bears off the counter? Did they tell you they were suicidal? On second thought," I raised a hand, palm out, "don't answer that. If the candy is talking, I don't want to know.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Growing up in my family meant ambushes on your birthday, crossbows for Christmas, and games of dodge ball where the balls were occasionally rigged to explode. It also meant learning how to work your way out of a wide variety of death traps. Failure to get loose on your own could lead to missing dinner, or worse, being forced to admit that you missed dinner because your baby sister had tied you to the couch. Again.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“A proper lady should be able to smile pretty, wear sequins like she means it, and kick a man's ass nine ways from Sunday while wearing stiletto heels. If she can't do that much, she's not trying hard enough. —Francis Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Mother Nature is a freaky lady who probably created pot so she could spend all her time smoking it.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“The Argentine tango isn't here to play nicely with the other children. The Argentine tango is here to seduce your women, spill things on your rug, and sneak out your bedroom window in the middle of the night.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Anyone who thinks cryptozoology is the study of the impossible has never really taken a very good look at the so-called "natural world." Once you get past the megamouth sharks, naked mole rats, and spotted hyenas, then the basilisks, dragons, and cuckoos just don't seem that unreasonable. Unpleasant, yes, but unreasonable? Not really.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Nothing lasts forever. That's the tragedy and the miracle of existence—that everything is impermanent. Everything changes. All we can do is make the best of the time we have. And go down shooting, naturally. —Enid Healy”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been. —Enid Healy”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Pronouns are only useful when you combine them with other words. I have a few I can give you, if you're at a loss.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Sarah turned her narrow-eyed gaze on him, making me glad once more that Antimony's comic books got it wrong, and telepaths can't actually kill you with their brains. Give you a whopping headache and earworm you with annoying jingles, yes; kill you, no. (Although sometimes, when she's managed to stick "The Happy Banana Song" in my head for a week, I sort of wish she could kill people with her brain. It would be kinder.)”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Do we have to have the 'don't lie to the telepath' talk again? It won't take long. I say 'don't lie to the telepath, it never works,' you glare at me, and then you go find something you can hit.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Life as the chosen religious figure for a colony of cryptid mice can be a lot of things, but it's definitely never boring.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“When you decide to be the immovable object standing in front of the unstoppable force, you'd better pray that you're right about being immovable, and they're wrong about being unstoppable.' 'Otherwise, you'll wind up like a bug on a windshield.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Telepaths have ethics?" Dominic's eyes narrowed, tone and posture united to convey disbelief.
"My mother and I do," said Sarah, letting her head settle against the back of the chair. "We mostly got them from Babylon 5, but they still work.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“If you offered me the chance to do it all over, knowing what I know now, after the things I’ve seen . . . I’d shoot you in the head. That ain’t the kind of thing you ask a lady. —Frances Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“I've done tangos with men who thought my ass was a squeaky toy.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Hello carnivore,' said the mouse priest. He turned and bowed to Uncle Mike and Dominic. 'Hail to the High Priest of Goddammit Eat Something Already, and to the God of Hard Choices in Dark Places.' Ryan blinked. 'What?' 'It's a mouse thing, just roll with it, you'll be happier that way,' I advised.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“First, check your ammunition. Then, check your escape routes. Finally, check your hair. —Frances Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“She’s a telepath?” demanded Dominic.
“And he catches up with the conversation.” I patted his knee. “Yes, she’s a telepath. Sarah reads minds. Don’t worry, she’s not reading yours.”
“It would be rude,” said Sarah. Putting her phone down, she began arranging herself carefully in the chair. “Telepathic ethics say you should never read a sentient creature’s mind without permission, provocation, or legitimate reason to fear for your life.”
“Telepaths have ethics?” Dominic’s eyes narrowed, tone and posture united to convey his disbelief.
“My mother and I do,” said Sarah, letting her head settle against the back of the chair. “We mostly got them from Babylon 5, but they still work.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Grandma Alice insists he’s alive, and my mother raised me never to contradict anyone who regularly carries grenades.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“What was the point of hide-and-seek if you weren’t allowed to dig pit traps or attack your opponents from behind?”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“I mean, it was hard on them. They were turning their backs on everything they’d ever known, because they’d decided there was something that mattered more than doing what they’d been taught to do. Hell, what they’d been raised to do. This wasn’t a choice they made on a whim. This was everything to them.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“She considers pit traps and high explosives the appropriate solution to almost every problem.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“What's to stop the populace from decrying you as a witch and rising against you?"
"I don't know. A couple hundred years of social evolution, combined with a general failure to believe in anything that doesn't have a Wikipedia entry?”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
Seanan McGuire
Born place: in Martinez, California, The United States
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“Teppic hadn’t been educated. Education had just settled on him, like dandruff.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Pyramids
“Dashed hopes and good intentions. Good, better, best, bested.”
― Edward Albee, quote from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
“The point is some people think they have a leading role when, really, they're just supporting cast.”
― Penelope Douglas, quote from Until You
“There was an old Taoist who lived in a village in ancient China, named Master Hu. Hu loved God and God loved Hu, and whatever God did was fine with Hu, and whatever Hu did was fine with God. They were friends. They were such good friends that they kidded around. Hu would do stuff to God like call him "The Great Clod." That's how he kidded. That was fine with God. God would turn around and do stuff to Hu like give him warts on his face, wens on his head, arthritis in his hands, a hunch in his back, canker sores in his mouth and gout in his feet. That's how He kidded. That God. What a kidder! But it was fine with Hu.
Master Hu grew lumpy as a toad; he grew crooked as cherry wood; he became a human pretzel. "You Clod!" he'd shout at God, laughing. That was fine with God. He'd send Hu a right leg ten inches shorter than the left to show He was listening. And Hu would laugh some more and walk around in little circles, showing off his short leg, saying to the villagers, "Haha! See how the Great Clod listens! How lumpy and crookedy and ugly He is making me! He makes me laugh and laugh! That's what a Friend is for!" And the people of the village would look at him and wag their heads: sure enough, old Hu looked like an owl's nest; he looked like a swamp; he looked like something the dog rolled in. And he winked at his people and looked up at God and shouted, "Hey Clod! What next?" And splot! Out popped a fresh wart.
The people wagged their heads till their tongues wagged too. They said, "Poor Master Hu has gone crazy." And maybe he had. Maybe God sent down craziness along with the warts and wens and hunch and gout. What did Hu care? It was fine with him. He loved God and God loved Hu, and Hu was the crookedest, ugliest, happiest old man in all the empire till the day he whispered,
Hey Clod! What now?
and God took his line in hand and drew him right into Himself. That was fine with Hu. That's what a Friend is for.”
― David James Duncan, quote from The River Why
“My first rule of consumerism is never buy anything you can’t make your children carry.”
― Bill Bryson, quote from The Lost Continent: Travels in Small Town America
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