“Never tell anyone to be careful, never ask what that noise was, and for the love of God, never, ever say that you'll be right back." —Evelyn Baker”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“The problem with people who say monsters don't really exist is that they're almost never saying it to the monsters." —Alice Healy”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“There's no such thing as a normal life. Some lives are just more interesting than others, and we shouldn't judge people for being boring. —Evelyn Price”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“We all make mistakes. Luckily for us, there are very few mistakes that cant be solved with a suitable application of either lipstick or hand grenades" —Frances Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Didn't we talk about this?"
"HAIL!"
"That isn't an answer." I planted my hands on my hips. "Was there a reason for shoving the gummy bears off the counter? Did they tell you they were suicidal? On second thought," I raised a hand, palm out, "don't answer that. If the candy is talking, I don't want to know.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Growing up in my family meant ambushes on your birthday, crossbows for Christmas, and games of dodge ball where the balls were occasionally rigged to explode. It also meant learning how to work your way out of a wide variety of death traps. Failure to get loose on your own could lead to missing dinner, or worse, being forced to admit that you missed dinner because your baby sister had tied you to the couch. Again.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“A proper lady should be able to smile pretty, wear sequins like she means it, and kick a man's ass nine ways from Sunday while wearing stiletto heels. If she can't do that much, she's not trying hard enough. —Francis Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Mother Nature is a freaky lady who probably created pot so she could spend all her time smoking it.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“The Argentine tango isn't here to play nicely with the other children. The Argentine tango is here to seduce your women, spill things on your rug, and sneak out your bedroom window in the middle of the night.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Anyone who thinks cryptozoology is the study of the impossible has never really taken a very good look at the so-called "natural world." Once you get past the megamouth sharks, naked mole rats, and spotted hyenas, then the basilisks, dragons, and cuckoos just don't seem that unreasonable. Unpleasant, yes, but unreasonable? Not really.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Nothing lasts forever. That's the tragedy and the miracle of existence—that everything is impermanent. Everything changes. All we can do is make the best of the time we have. And go down shooting, naturally. —Enid Healy”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been. —Enid Healy”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Pronouns are only useful when you combine them with other words. I have a few I can give you, if you're at a loss.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Sarah turned her narrow-eyed gaze on him, making me glad once more that Antimony's comic books got it wrong, and telepaths can't actually kill you with their brains. Give you a whopping headache and earworm you with annoying jingles, yes; kill you, no. (Although sometimes, when she's managed to stick "The Happy Banana Song" in my head for a week, I sort of wish she could kill people with her brain. It would be kinder.)”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Do we have to have the 'don't lie to the telepath' talk again? It won't take long. I say 'don't lie to the telepath, it never works,' you glare at me, and then you go find something you can hit.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Life as the chosen religious figure for a colony of cryptid mice can be a lot of things, but it's definitely never boring.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“When you decide to be the immovable object standing in front of the unstoppable force, you'd better pray that you're right about being immovable, and they're wrong about being unstoppable.' 'Otherwise, you'll wind up like a bug on a windshield.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Telepaths have ethics?" Dominic's eyes narrowed, tone and posture united to convey disbelief.
"My mother and I do," said Sarah, letting her head settle against the back of the chair. "We mostly got them from Babylon 5, but they still work.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“If you offered me the chance to do it all over, knowing what I know now, after the things I’ve seen . . . I’d shoot you in the head. That ain’t the kind of thing you ask a lady. —Frances Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“I've done tangos with men who thought my ass was a squeaky toy.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Hello carnivore,' said the mouse priest. He turned and bowed to Uncle Mike and Dominic. 'Hail to the High Priest of Goddammit Eat Something Already, and to the God of Hard Choices in Dark Places.' Ryan blinked. 'What?' 'It's a mouse thing, just roll with it, you'll be happier that way,' I advised.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“First, check your ammunition. Then, check your escape routes. Finally, check your hair. —Frances Brown”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“She’s a telepath?” demanded Dominic.
“And he catches up with the conversation.” I patted his knee. “Yes, she’s a telepath. Sarah reads minds. Don’t worry, she’s not reading yours.”
“It would be rude,” said Sarah. Putting her phone down, she began arranging herself carefully in the chair. “Telepathic ethics say you should never read a sentient creature’s mind without permission, provocation, or legitimate reason to fear for your life.”
“Telepaths have ethics?” Dominic’s eyes narrowed, tone and posture united to convey his disbelief.
“My mother and I do,” said Sarah, letting her head settle against the back of the chair. “We mostly got them from Babylon 5, but they still work.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“Grandma Alice insists he’s alive, and my mother raised me never to contradict anyone who regularly carries grenades.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“What was the point of hide-and-seek if you weren’t allowed to dig pit traps or attack your opponents from behind?”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“I mean, it was hard on them. They were turning their backs on everything they’d ever known, because they’d decided there was something that mattered more than doing what they’d been taught to do. Hell, what they’d been raised to do. This wasn’t a choice they made on a whim. This was everything to them.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“She considers pit traps and high explosives the appropriate solution to almost every problem.”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
“What's to stop the populace from decrying you as a witch and rising against you?"
"I don't know. A couple hundred years of social evolution, combined with a general failure to believe in anything that doesn't have a Wikipedia entry?”
― Seanan McGuire, quote from Discount Armageddon
Seanan McGuire
Born place: in Martinez, California, The United States
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“I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, quote from Slaughterhouse-five: The Children's Crusade, A Duty-dance with Death
“When he had first started at the center, he had liked to think that he was unexpectedly cool-looking for such a job. Now he knew that he surprised no one, that no one expected scientists to look like scientists anymore.”
― China Miéville, quote from Kraken
“How long are you going to wait for this guy?”
I’m thrown by his sudden shift. “Ah . . . I don’t know.”
“Give me your keys.”
“What?”
“Give me your keys. I’m going to change your tire while we’re waiting.”
I fish in my purse and come up with a handful of keys. “You’re going to—”
“Stay in the car.” He grabs the keys and practically yanks them out of my fingers. Then he slams the door in my face.
I watch him in the path of his headlights, mystified. He opens my trunk, and, moments later, emerges with the spare tire. He lays it beside the car, then pulls something else from the darkened space. I’ve never changed a tire, so I have no idea what he’s doing. His movements are quick and efficient, though.
I shouldn’t be sitting here, just watching, but I can’t help myself. There’s something compelling about him. Dozens of cars have passed, but he was the only one to stop—and he’s helping me despite the fact that I’ve been less than kind to him all night.
He gets down on the pavement—on the wet pavement, in the rain—and slides something under the car. A hand brushes wet hair off his face.
I can’t sit here and watch him do this.
He doesn’t look at me when I approach. “I told you to wait in the car.”
“So you’re one of those guys? Thinks the ‘little woman’ should wait in the car?”
“When the little woman doesn’t know her tires are bald and her battery could barely power a stopwatch?” He attaches a steel bar to . . . something . . . and starts twisting it. “Yeah. I am.”
My pride flinches. “So what are you saying?” I ask, deadpan. “You don’t want my help?”
His smile is rueful. “You’re kind of funny when you’re not so busy being judgmental.”
“You’re lucky I’m not kicking you while you’re down there.”
He loses the smile but keeps his eyes on whatever he’s doing. “Try it, sister.”
― Brigid Kemmerer, quote from Letters to the Lost
“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”
― Paulo Coelho, quote from Alkimist
“Machines were the ideal metaphor for the central pornographic fantasy of the nineteenth century, rape followed by gratitude.”
― Robert Hughes, quote from The Shock of the New
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