Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report? Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes." Calvin: Academia, here I come!

From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

You can present the material, but you can't make me care.

You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

Like delicate lace, So the threads intertwine, Oh, gossamer web Of wond'rous design! Such beauty and grace Wild nature produces... Ughh, look at the spider Suck out that bug's juices!

You know, maybe we don't need enemies." "Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

It's a funny world, Hobbes." "True." "But it's not a hilarious world.…unless you like sick humour." "The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin

Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!

This tiger is sprawled So still and so flat, A question arises When glancing thereat. Is he asleep? to be Perfectly frank, He looks more as if He was creamed by a tank!

S...For Stupendous! T...For Tiger, ferocity of! U...For Underwear, Red! P...For Power, Incredible! E...For excellent physique! N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that... D...For Determination! U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??

Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.

Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.

My book is called, "Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.

How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It's a beautiful world, all right.

Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.

Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! …Ready? …She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary.