Quotes from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

Bill Watterson ·  175 pages

Rating: (16.3K votes)


“Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?
Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes."
Calvin: Academia, here I come!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“You can present the material, but you can't make me care.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat



“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“Like delicate lace,
So the threads intertwine,
Oh, gossamer web
Of wond'rous design!
Such beauty and grace
Wild nature produces...
Ughh, look at the spider
Suck out that bug's juices!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“You know, maybe we don't need enemies."
"Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world.…unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat



“Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“This tiger is sprawled
So still and so flat,
A question arises
When glancing thereat.
Is he asleep? to be
Perfectly frank,
He looks more as if
He was creamed by a tank!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“S...For Stupendous!
T...For Tiger, ferocity of!
U...For Underwear, Red!
P...For Power, Incredible!
E...For excellent physique!
N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that...
D...For Determination!
U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat



“My book is called, "Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It's a beautiful world, all right.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


“Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! …Ready? …She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat


About the author

Bill Watterson
Born place: in Washington, D.C., The United States
Born date July 5, 1958
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“You fought in the Great War?” a journalist from The Guardian asked me in a long interview to coincide with the presentation of the prize.
“I didn’t think it was all that great.” I pointed out. “In fact, if memory serves, it was bloody awful.”
“Yes, of course,” said the journalist, laughing uncomfortably. “Only you’ve never written about it, have you?”
“Haven’t I?”
“Not explicitly, at least.” He said, his face taking on an expression of panic, as if he had suddenly realized that he might have forgotten some major work along the way.
“I suppose it depends on one’s definition of explicit,” I replied. ‘I’m pretty sure I’ve written about it any number of times. On the surface, occasionally. A little buried, at other times. But it’s been there, hasn’t it? Wouldn’t you agree? Or do I delude myself?”
“No, of course not. I only meant—“
“Unless I’ve failed utterly in my work, that is. Perhaps I haven’t made my intentions clear at all. Perhaps my entire writing career has been a busted flush.”
“No, Mr. Sadler, of course not. I think you misunderstood me. It’s clear that the Great War plays a significant part in your—“
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