Quotes from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?
Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes."
Calvin: Academia, here I come!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“You can present the material, but you can't make me care.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Like delicate lace,
So the threads intertwine,
Oh, gossamer web
Of wond'rous design!
Such beauty and grace
Wild nature produces...
Ughh, look at the spider
Suck out that bug's juices!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“You know, maybe we don't need enemies."
"Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world.…unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“This tiger is sprawled
So still and so flat,
A question arises
When glancing thereat.
Is he asleep? to be
Perfectly frank,
He looks more as if
He was creamed by a tank!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“S...For Stupendous!
T...For Tiger, ferocity of!
U...For Underwear, Red!
P...For Power, Incredible!
E...For excellent physique!
N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that...
D...For Determination!
U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“My book is called, "Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It's a beautiful world, all right.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! …Ready? …She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

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“She gave me a hard look. "No one likes a wiseass, Harry."
"Are you kidding? As long as the wiseass is talking to someone else, people love 'em.”
― Jim Butcher, quote from White Night

“phone, twisted it out of her hand, and slammed it on the hook. “I cry good, don’t I?” she asked with a grin, and she was out the door.   “Davenport, Davenport,” Daniel moaned. He gripped handfuls of hair on the side of his head as he watched Jennifer finish the broadcast. “ . . . called by some the smartest man in the department, told me personally that he did not believe that Smithe is guilty of the spectacular murders and that he fears the premature arrest could destroy Smithe’s burgeoning career with the welfare department . . .” “Burgeoning career? TV people shouldn’t be allowed to use big words,” Lucas muttered. “So now what?” Daniel asked angrily. “How in the hell could you do this?” “I didn’t know I was,” Lucas said mildly. “I thought we were having a personal conversation.” “I told you that your dick was going to get you in trouble with that woman,” Daniel said. “What the hell am I going to tell Lester? He’s been out there in front of the cameras making his case and you’re talking to this puss behind his back. You cut his legs out from under him. He’ll be after your head.” “Tell him you’re suspending me. What’s bad? Two weeks? Then I’ll appeal to the civil-service board. Even if the board okays the suspension, it’ll be months from now. We should be able to put it off until this thing is settled, one way or another.” “Okay. That might do it.” Daniel nodded and then laughed unpleasantly, shaking his head. “Christ, I’m glad that wasn’t me getting grilled. You better get out of here before Lester arrives or we’ll be busting him for assault.”   At two o’clock in the morning the telephone rang. Lucas looked up from the drawing table where he was working on Everwhen, reached over, and picked it up. “Hello?” “Still mad?” Jennifer asked. “ You bitch. Daniel’s suspending me. I’m giving interviews to everybody except you guys, you can go suck—” “Nasty, nasty—” He slammed the receiver back on the hook. A moment later the phone rang again. He watched it like a cobra, then picked it up, unable to resist. “I’m coming over,” she said, and hung up. Lucas reached for it, to call her, to tell her not to come, but stopped with his hand on the receiver.   Jennifer wore a black leather jacket, jeans, black boots, and driving”
― John Sandford, quote from Rules of Prey

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