Quotes from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?
Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes."
Calvin: Academia, here I come!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“You can present the material, but you can't make me care.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Like delicate lace,
So the threads intertwine,
Oh, gossamer web
Of wond'rous design!
Such beauty and grace
Wild nature produces...
Ughh, look at the spider
Suck out that bug's juices!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“You know, maybe we don't need enemies."
"Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world.…unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“This tiger is sprawled
So still and so flat,
A question arises
When glancing thereat.
Is he asleep? to be
Perfectly frank,
He looks more as if
He was creamed by a tank!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“S...For Stupendous!
T...For Tiger, ferocity of!
U...For Underwear, Red!
P...For Power, Incredible!
E...For excellent physique!
N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that...
D...For Determination!
U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“My book is called, "Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It's a beautiful world, all right.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! …Ready? …She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

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Popular quotes

“Tina was kneeling before me, holding Donald's head by the hair and very plainly trying to hand it to me. "Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the indignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"
"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, quote from Undead and Unwed

“FACT The Native Americans invented the game lacrosse.”
― Lynne Reid Banks, quote from The Indian in the Cupboard

“Liz looks at the tissue box, which is decorated with drawings of snowmen engaged in various holiday activities. One of the snowmen is happily placing a smiling rack of gingerbread men in an oven. Baking gingerbread men, or any cooking for that matter, is probably close to suicide for a snowman, Liz thinks. Why would a snowman voluntarily engage in an activity that would in all likelihood melt him? Can snowmen even eat? Liz glares at the box.”
― Gabrielle Zevin, quote from Elsewhere

“Roscoe had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion. He awoke to find persistent itching on his stomach. He scratched it through his T-shirt.
He went back to sleep. But dreams kept him from sleeping soundly. That and the itching.
He woke again and felt the itchy spot. There was a lump there. Like a swelling. And when he held still and pressed his fingers against the spot he could feel something moving under the skin.
The small room was suddenly very cold. Roscoe shivered.
He went to the window hoping for light. There was a moon but the light was faint. Roscoe pulled his shirt over his head. He looked down at the spot on his stomach.
It was moving. The flesh itself. He could feel it under his fingertips. Like something poking back at him. But he couldn’t feel it from the inside, couldn’t feel it in his stomach. And he realized that his entire body was numb. He could feel with his fingertips but not the skin of his stomach—
The skin split!
“Ahhhh!”
He was touching it as it split, and he shrieked in terror and something pushed its way out through a bloodless hole.
“Oh, God, oh, God, oh, no no no no!”
Roscoe screamed and leaped for the door. His hand clawed at the knob as he babbled and wept and the door was locked, locked, oh, God, no, they had locked him in.
He banged at the door, but it was the middle of the night. Who would hear him in the empty town hall?
“Hey! Hey! Is anyone there? Help me. Help me. Please, please, someone help me!”
He banged and the thing in his belly stuck out half an inch. He was scared to look at it. But he did and he screamed again because it was a mouth now, a gnashing insect mouth full of parts like no normal mouth. Hooked, wicked mandibles clicked. It was inside him, chewing its way out.
Hatching from him.
“Help me, help me, don’t leave me here like this!”
But who would hear him? Sinder? No. Not anymore. That was over. All over. And he was alone and friendless. No one even to hear as he screamed and begged.
The window. He grabbed the pillow from his bed and pushed it against the glass and then punched it hard. The pane shattered. He took off his shoe and smashed at the starred glass until most of it fell tinkling to the street below.
Then he screamed for help. Screamed into the Perdido Beach night air.
No answer.
“Help me! Please, please, oh, God, please help me! You can’t just leave me locked up!”
But still, no answer.
Fear took hold of him, deep crazy-making fear.
No. No. No no no no, this couldn’t be happening. He hadn’t done anything to hurt anyone, he hadn’t done anything awful. Why? Why was this happening to him?
Roscoe fell to his knees and begged God. God, please, no, no, no, I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t brave or strong but I wasn’t bad, either. Not like this, please, God, no no no, not like this.
Roscoe felt an itching in the middle of his back.
He sat down and cried.”
― Michael Grant, quote from Plague

“Everyone knew there were wolves in the mountains, but they seldom came near the village - the modern wolves were the offspring of ancestors that had survived because they had learned that human meat had sharp edges.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Equal Rites

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