Bill Watterson · 175 pages
Rating: (16.3K votes)
“Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?
Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes."
Calvin: Academia, here I come!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“You can present the material, but you can't make me care.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“Like delicate lace,
So the threads intertwine,
Oh, gossamer web
Of wond'rous design!
Such beauty and grace
Wild nature produces...
Ughh, look at the spider
Suck out that bug's juices!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“You know, maybe we don't need enemies."
"Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world.…unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“This tiger is sprawled
So still and so flat,
A question arises
When glancing thereat.
Is he asleep? to be
Perfectly frank,
He looks more as if
He was creamed by a tank!”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“S...For Stupendous!
T...For Tiger, ferocity of!
U...For Underwear, Red!
P...For Power, Incredible!
E...For excellent physique!
N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that...
D...For Determination!
U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“My book is called, "Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It's a beautiful world, all right.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! …Ready? …She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary.”
― Bill Watterson, quote from Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
“Anything that came before is nothing. This is all that matters. This brave, stunning girl in my arms is all I will ever need.”
― Emma Chase, quote from Royally Matched
“If her mind had held even the smallest chance of a future, she would have had no reason to tell me anything at all, whether or not it could send her to prison. But this is what I know about people getting ready to walk off the edges of their own lives: they want someone to know how they got there. Maybe they want to know that when they dissolve into earth and water, that last fragment will be saved, held in some corner of someone's mind; or maybe all they want is is a chance to dump it pulsing and bloody into someone else's hands, so it won't weigh them down on the journey. They want to leave their stories behind. No one in all the world knows that better than I do.”
― Tana French, quote from Broken Harbor
“It`s remarkable the truly stupid things people can do because it`s expected of them, or they think it`s expected of them.”
― K.J. Parker, quote from Devices and Desires
“People in Japan and the Faeroe Islands kill dolphins and pilot whales by running steel rods into their spinal columns while they squeal in pain and terror and thrash in agony. (In Japan, it’s illegal to kill cows and pigs as painfully and inhumanely as they kill dolphins.) The lack of compassion for dolphins and whales indicates that humans’ “theory of mind” is incomplete. We have an empathy shortfall, a compassion deficit. And human-on-human violence, abuse, and ethnic and religious genocide are all too pervasive in our world. No elephant will ever pilot a jetliner. And no elephant will ever pilot a jetliner into the World Trade Center. We have the capacity for wider compassion, but we don’t fully live up to ourselves. Why do human egos seem so threatened by the thought that other animals think and feel? Is it because acknowledging the mind of another makes it harder to abuse them? We seem so unfinished and so defensive. Maybe incompleteness is one of the things that “makes us human.”
― Carl Safina, quote from Beyond Words: What Animals Think and Feel
“Oh, pfft. I manage. With any paper one sticks under their nose and plenty of self-possession, one can get through, Especially a woman. Sometimes I take an armload of parcels and bags and drop every single one as I try to find my identity cards, chatting all the while, and they wave me through out of sheer irritation.'
Lili exhaled a long steam of smoke. 'To tell the truth, much of this special work we do is quite boring. I think that's why women are good as it. Our lives are already boring. We jump an Uncle Edward's offer because we can't stand the thought of working in a file room anymore, or teaching a class full of runny-nosed children their letters. Then we discover this job is deadly dull as well, but at least there's the enlivening thought that someone might put a Luger to the back of our necks. It's still better than shooting ourselves, which we know we're going to do if we have to type one more letter or pound one more Latin verb into a child's ivory skull.”
― Kate Quinn, quote from The Alice Network
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