Raised in Fire

I probably will see humor in someone kicking your ass. But I promise to avenge you right after I stop laughing.

Well then, that is definitely a green light to kill it. Right? I can kill it?” “You’ve just seen the horror of violence in action, and you’re eager to go kill something?” “Is that a trick question? Because I feel like you should know the answer to that based on my personality…” “Fine.

For the last time, it is a pouch, not a fanny pack. How come no one sees the difference?” “There is no difference. That’s why no one can see it.

I don’t need any more turds in my litterbox.

When Garret was absolutely unbearable, I waited until after hours, followed him in the shadows, and then punched him in the mouth.

You are wearing a leather outfit with a sword, gun, and fanny pack strapped to your person. What about that look says nice girl?” I ignored the dig on my pouch. “Yes, fine. But I fit in. And you are still not liked. I win.

I’m not sure I get this new Darius. A soft spot on you is about as comforting as a brown spot on white carpet. I don’t know how it got there, I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m expecting the worst.” He

You should just shove off. We don’t need your kind around here.” “And what kind is that, Garret? Competent?

I wasn’t talking to you, Garret.” “Good. I don’t want your crazy rubbing off on me,

Seriously, who actually called people anymore? Now I had to physically put the phone to my ear and listen to a voice message. The horror!

It means we are up shit creek, and we better hope my mage friends brought an outboard motor, because paddles won’t be enough.

Great googly-moogly, I needed to stay away from this vampire.

I’m a naked chick and you’re a creepy dude. Your reaction is pretty standard.” He

Yeah. We consulted our crystal balls, so we knew just when to drop the piano out of the window.” I clapped my hands together. “Splat.” “They

I exhaled with a smile. The man was too suave for his own good. Knowing what three-syllable word to say in times like this was his superpower.

now here we were, ready for a beer and hopefully some good news. The beer was the only sure thing.

...I might still be surprised.” “By surprised, you mean someone might try to kill you, or run from you, within the hour?” “Exactly, yes. One can only hope.

Sticks and stones, Garret. Sticks and stones.” I rolled my eyes. “Speaking of sticks, did you take my advice and head to the gym? I worry about you. One wrong move and a leg might crack. Feebleness has a cure, my dear boy. Movement. You should try it.

Things I’d learned about myself during the two months on the job: I got really gruesome when routinely bored.

They are working with the MLE office,” Mustache said. “You got a little something”—I waggled my finger over my upper lip—“just there…” He frowned at me.

Buffalo Bill would’ve had a field day with this.” I eyed the man’s form. “If he was the right size, he could just slip this skin suit on and go for a stroll.” Oscar started laughing.

The problem is, no one wants to talk to cops.” Oscar chuckled. “Good luck getting anything relevant.” “I think you and I have very different ways of collecting information.