Rick Riordan · 404 pages
Rating: (15.9K votes)
“No one should know his entire fate. It's too dangerous and too depressing. Just keep going, do your best, and hope it's good enough. That's all any of us can do.”
“You’re probably wondering: why were Medusa’s kids a golden warrior and a winged horse? And how had they been stuck in Medusa’s body all those years?Heck, I dunno. I’m just telling you how it was. You want stuff to make sense, you’re in the wrong universe”
“Acrisius tried not to choke on his own tongue. The word Perseus meant avenger or destroyer, depending on how you interpreted it. The king did not want the kid growing up to hang out with Iron Man and the Hulk...”
“They had a wonderful romantic night together. In fact it was so wonderful that at one point Zeus excused himself, took his phone into the bathroom and texted Helios, the sun god: Bro, take a few days off. I need this night to last!”
“She decided to make his life as terrible, tragic and complicated as possible, so that some day Percy Jackson would have a really hard time writing about it.”
“Some legends say that Hera's breast milk sprayed across the sky and created the Milky Way. I don't know. That seems like a whole lot of solar systems from just one squirt”
“Just keep going, do your best, and hope it's good enough. That's all any of us can do.”
“You get angry, you punch someone in the face. Simple. Direct. Bloody. Fun!”
“Otrera led her warriors on tons of successful campaigns across Asia Minor and into Greece. They founded two famous cities on the western coast of Turkey – Smyrna and Ephesus. Why they picked those names, I don’t know. I would’ve gone with Buttkickville and Smackdown City, but that’s just me.”
“We don't know much about Otrera from the old stories. Those Ancient Greek dudes didn't care where Otrera came form or what made her tick. Why would that be?
1) She was a woman.
2) She was a scary woman.
3) She was a scary woman who killed Ancient Greek dudes.”
“Me, I like the theory that Amazon comes from the Persian term ha-mazan, which means warriors. I like that theory because Annabeth likes that theory, and if I don’t like what she likes she gets all ha-mazan on me.”
“To all the women she saved and trained for battle, Otrera was definitely a hero. She gave them hope. She gave them control over their own lives.”
“(Annabeth says most of that salt water is in my head. Very funny, Wise Girl.) Anyway,”
“Time for the last stupid deed! Are you excited? Hercules was. He was ready to be done with this nonsense. So was the poor schmuck who was writing it all down. Oh, wait…that’s me.”
“Why is it inscribed Made in Bangladesh?”
“No Tyson, the guy in the story did not attract the attention of a moose. Tyson is sad now.”
“O Great Teller of the Future and Inhaler of Volcanic Gas!’ said the king. ‘Can I get a boy child over here, or what?”
“I like that theory because Annabeth likes that theory, and if I don’t like what she likes, she gets all ha-mazan on me.”
“The king's worst fear about the prophecy was coming true -- which was kind of stupid, because if he hadn't been such a butt-brain and locked up his daughter, it never would've happened. But that's the way prophecies work. You try to avoid the trap, and in doing so you end up building the trap yourself and stepping right into it.”
“LOOK, I’M ONLY IN THIS FOR THE PIZZA. The publisher was like, “Oh, you did such a great job writing about the Greek gods last year! We want you to write another book about the Ancient Greek heroes! It’ll be so cool!” And I was like, “Guys, I’m dyslexic. It’s hard enough for me to read books.” Then they promised me a year’s supply of free pepperoni pizza, plus all the blue jelly beans I could eat. I sold out. I guess it’s cool. If you’re looking to fight monsters yourself, these stories might help you avoid some common mistakes—like staring Medusa in the face, or buying a used mattress from any dude named Crusty. But the best reason to read about the old Greek heroes is to make yourself feel better. No matter how much you think your life sucks, these guys and gals had it worse. They totally got the short end of the Celestial stick. By the way, if you don’t know me, my name is Percy Jackson. I’m a modern-day demigod—the son of Poseidon. I’ve had some bad experiences in my time, but the heroes I’m going to tell you about were the original old-school hard-luck cases. They boldly screwed up where no one had screwed up before. Let’s pick twelve of them. That should be plenty. By the time you finish reading about how miserable their lives were—what with the poisonings, the betrayals, the mutilations, the murders, the psychopathic family members, and the flesh-eating barnyard animals—if that doesn’t make you feel better about your own existence, then I don’t know what will. So get your flaming spear. Put on your lion-skin cape. Polish your shield, and make sure you’ve got arrows in your quiver. We’re going back about four thousand years to decapitate monsters, save some kingdoms, shoot a few gods in the butt, raid the Underworld, and steal loot from evil people. Then, for dessert, we’ll die painful tragic deaths. Ready? Sweet. Let’s do this.”
“For the second time, humans had raided her home”
“Even the gods were impressed. They descended from Olympus and loaded Hercules down with so much swag, it got embarrassing. Hermes”
“If your mom seems overprotective, it’s possible she knows you better than you think.”
“Oops. Sorry, everybody. This book is not officially endorsed by the proper Muse. If it explodes in your hand, my bad.”
“FEAR NOT, said a voice from the glitter. I AM ZEUS, LORD OF THE SKY. YOU LOOK FINE, GIRL. DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT?”
“Theseus put his club aside. He approached the Pine Bender and sized up the situation. He wasn’t as strong as Sinis. He didn’t have the ability to root himself to the earth. He didn’t even have a plan. But he glanced over at the girl Perigune, and his distractible brain started racing. A girl in the trees. A girl. A tree. Trees have spirits. I’m hungry. Wow, Sinis smells bad. A dryad. I bet the dryads in these trees are really tired of getting bent. Hey, there’s a chipmunk.”
“Instead of collapsing, Theseus swung it and smacked Periphetes upside the head, killing him instantly. ‘Yep!’ Theseus said. ‘That’s bronze over wood, all right! Thanks, man. I think I’ll keep this.’ Periphetes didn’t argue, since he was dead. Theseus”
“But like I told you guys years ago: this demigod gig is dangerous. Don't say I didn't warn you.”
“We don't know much about Otrera from the old stories. Those Ancient Greek dudes didn't care where Otrera came from or what made her tick. Why would that be?
1) She was a woman.
2) She was a scary woman.
3) She was a scary woman who killed Ancient Greek dudes.”
“I absolutely love you, Briony, and I am on my knees. So we're getting married - right? But say it fast before we get shot."
Only Jack would ask - if you could call it asking - in the middle of a battlefield, with a man lying dead at his feet.”
“True imagination is not fanciful daydreaming; it is fire from heaven.” — ERNEST HOLMES”
“Cogswhallop glanced skeptically at the complex runes. "Are you sure this'll work, gen'ral?"
"Of course I'm sure-"
Ping. The silvery note echoed in the cramped room. Makenna felt her face turn scarlet.”
“When you keep hurting someone, you do one of three things. Either you fill them up with hate, and they destroy everything around them. Or you fill them up with sadness, and they destroy themselves. Or you fill them up with justice, and they try to destroy everything that's bad and cruel in this world. Me, I was the first kind of person.”
“The result of pretending to be a more amiable, a more forgiving, a more high-minded person than one really is, has sooner or later the effect of causing one to behave as a more disagreeable, a more ruthless and an altogether more unpleasant person than is actually the case! If you dam the stream of natural behaviour, mon ami, sooner or later the dam bursts and a cataclysm occurs!”
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